Soccer Team Bullies

[Anonymous]

My son went thru this last year (age 12). Honestly, some days he was one of the best players and other days the worst. His inconsistency made it hard to gel with the team. Coach contributed to the issue by making fun of him as well. It was a mutual club/family decision to leave the team.
He often complained about his leg hurting. Turns out he has osgood schlatter which is why his leg would hurt intermittently based on activity level. So he would do great one practice, which would inflame his ligament so he would slack at the next practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, bullying never stops until the bullied kid practices very hard. This not only improves his skills but more importantly greatly improves his/her self-confidence.

Being new to any team, there’s always a feeling of isolation unless the player joins with his/her friends too. This happened to my DD when she joined a team 2 years ago. While she was a decent player, she was new to the travel team environment. Hence, she didn’t understand some of the positioning and terminologies. She was fine after one season. In addition, she practiced a lot on her own and I noticed not only a spike in her skills but a huge spike in her confidence too. She’s now U13.

^ I forgot to add in the above to hire a private coach for him. A private coach that motivates/encourages your DC will also greatly improve his/her confidence. While you can always complain to the coach or move to another team, your DC’s self-confidence will remain low. Have him/her improve then leave after the season is over is much better. He will be much better off this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, bullying never stops until the bullied kid practices very hard. This not only improves his skills but more importantly greatly improves his/her self-confidence.

Being new to any team, there’s always a feeling of isolation unless the player joins with his/her friends too. This happened to my DD when she joined a team 2 years ago. While she was a decent player, she was new to the travel team environment. Hence, she didn’t understand some of the positioning and terminologies. She was fine after one season. In addition, she practiced a lot on her own and I noticed not only a spike in her skills but a huge spike in her confidence too. She’s now U13.

Nah, in my case, my kid didn't suck. It was just a case of one kid trying to show off for other kids and chose my kid to pick on. My kid was the youngest on the team but not the smallest and new the bully for several seasons. I don't know why this kid chose my son. I told my kid to punch him square in the face if he does it again. My wife was mortified when I said this as we taught our kids not to hit their entire lives, but the fact of the matter is, some kids are just a-holes and need a punch in the face to stop the bullying. My kid would NOT punch the kid, so eventually we ended up leaving when the year was over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time we brought a bullying issue to the attention of the club was when it was the coach doing it. He was going after one player in a destructive and mean-spirited way and the other kids picked up on this and started bullying the kid more and more. Was really unprofessional (to be honest, many parents felt the coach had a racial bias and this was part of our concern).

Club didn't do squat about it, fwiw. He's still coaching.

It's sad when the coaches are creating a toxic team environment and the DOC or TD doesn't do anything about it.

I'm looking at you Keith T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, bullying never stops until the bullied kid practices very hard. This not only improves his skills but more importantly greatly improves his/her self-confidence.

Being new to any team, there’s always a feeling of isolation unless the player joins with his/her friends too. This happened to my DD when she joined a team 2 years ago. While she was a decent player, she was new to the travel team environment. Hence, she didn’t understand some of the positioning and terminologies. She was fine after one season. In addition, she practiced a lot on her own and I noticed not only a spike in her skills but a huge spike in her confidence too. She’s now U13.

Nah, in my case, my kid didn't suck. It was just a case of one kid trying to show off for other kids and chose my kid to pick on. My kid was the youngest on the team but not the smallest and new the bully for several seasons. I don't know why this kid chose my son. I told my kid to punch him square in the face if he does it again. My wife was mortified when I said this as we taught our kids not to hit their entire lives, but the fact of the matter is, some kids are just a-holes and need a punch in the face to stop the bullying. My kid would NOT punch the kid, so eventually we ended up leaving when the year was over.

Damn. I was hoping that kid got punched. Another alternative is to soccer-tackle that kid hard during scrimmages.

One girl on my DD team several years ago had a tendency to push my DD from behind very hard and made her fall hard. I told her to walk up to that girl after practice to tell her if she did it again, my DD will smack her in the face. The pushing stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DS came home from his travel soccer practice complaining that all his teammates were telling him he sucked, what advice would you give him? He’s 11.

It honestly sounded harmless, and we told him to toughen up. But I’m torn on telling the coach to watch out as my DS said the coach wasn’t around when this was happening. My husband thought I was crazy.

Is this just to be expected as he gets older and things become more compatible? I don’t want to be that mom, but part of me thinks the coach needs to watch out for this.

If this is the first time then it may well be nothing and never happen again. And I would trust your husband's opinion - after all he was a boy once himself so he knows how these things work.

It is possible it is not nothing, in which case

- you might consider telling the coach, but bear in mind adult intervention in bullying often just makes thing worse. How is your coach likely to respond? If you don't trust him to both take this seriously and respond with subtlety probably better not to tell him.

- the best thing you can do is work with your son (better if your husband does this) on how to deal with such situations.

1. You (or better - your husband) can help your son figure out how to defuse such a situation in future. Young men will respond positively to frank acceptance of responsibility combined with humor. If your son responds in that (mature) way he will be able to end the behavior himself, which is the best solution for all.

2. A serious situation is unlikely to have arisen just because your son actually sucks (in fact he may not suck at all), but is likely to have much more to do with the fact that he has annoyed at least several of the other boys. This is not unusual - many boys aren't very good at learning social behaviors and many of them frequently behave in ways which annoy their peers without realizing it. You may have observed such behaviors yourself in which case you (again better - your husband) can help correct them without any reference to this incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, bullying never stops until the bullied kid practices very hard. This not only improves his skills but more importantly greatly improves his/her self-confidence.

Being new to any team, there’s always a feeling of isolation unless the player joins with his/her friends too. This happened to my DD when she joined a team 2 years ago. While she was a decent player, she was new to the travel team environment. Hence, she didn’t understand some of the positioning and terminologies. She was fine after one season. In addition, she practiced a lot on her own and I noticed not only a spike in her skills but a huge spike in her confidence too. She’s now U13.

Girls are different to boys. Girls teams are social minefields. boys teams are usually not.

[Anonymous]

Happens a lot. Talk with coach. DC needs to stand up for him/herself too. Let the play on the field do the talking...but this is a big problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time we brought a bullying issue to the attention of the club was when it was the coach doing it. He was going after one player in a destructive and mean-spirited way and the other kids picked up on this and started bullying the kid more and more. Was really unprofessional (to be honest, many parents felt the coach had a racial bias and this was part of our concern).

Club didn't do squat about it, fwiw. He's still coaching.

It's sad when the coaches are creating a toxic team environment and the DOC or TD doesn't do anything about it.

I'm looking at you Keith T.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to roast the kids making fun of him.

[Anonymous]

My kid plays on a really competitive boys team at a really good club. The kind of trash-talking among and between players and teammates has always been a little shocking (along with the hierarchies within the team and among the colors within the boys team). Longer term, I think my kid has learned to deal with it, and he dishes some out, but it hurts the team, no question about it, and takes some joy out of the game for sure. They are often nicer to repeat opponents they know from training and other contexts than with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, bullying never stops until the bullied kid practices very hard. This not only improves his skills but more importantly greatly improves his/her self-confidence.

Being new to any team, there’s always a feeling of isolation unless the player joins with his/her friends too. This happened to my DD when she joined a team 2 years ago. While she was a decent player, she was new to the travel team environment. Hence, she didn’t understand some of the positioning and terminologies. She was fine after one season. In addition, she practiced a lot on her own and I noticed not only a spike in her skills but a huge spike in her confidence too. She’s now U13.

Girls are different to boys. Girls teams are social minefields. boys teams are usually not.

Any volleyball parent will confirm this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DS came home from his travel soccer practice complaining that all his teammates were telling him he sucked, what advice would you give him? He’s 11.

It honestly sounded harmless, and we told him to toughen up. But I’m torn on telling the coach to watch out as my DS said the coach wasn’t around when this was happening. My husband thought I was crazy.

Is this just to be expected as he gets older and things become more compatible? I don’t want to be that mom, but part of me thinks the coach needs to watch out for this.

Put your shoulder through him, help him up. Smack talk and rough play is part of the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid plays on a really competitive boys team at a really good club. The kind of trash-talking among and between players and teammates has always been a little shocking (along with the hierarchies within the team and among the colors within the boys team). Longer term, I think my kid has learned to deal with it, and he dishes some out, but it hurts the team, no question about it, and takes some joy out of the game for sure. They are often nicer to repeat opponents they know from training and other contexts than with each other.

I wish my kid played at a really good club like yours. You're so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid plays on a really competitive boys team at a really good club. The kind of trash-talking among and between players and teammates has always been a little shocking (along with the hierarchies within the team and among the colors within the boys team). Longer term, I think my kid has learned to deal with it, and he dishes some out, but it hurts the team, no question about it, and takes some joy out of the game for sure. They are often nicer to repeat opponents they know from training and other contexts than with each other.

I wish my kid played at a really good club like yours. You're so lucky.

F off. The point is that on better teams I suspect this problem becomes worse. I wish my kid played rec.