Soccer Team Bullies
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Anonymous
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If your DS came home from his travel soccer practice complaining that all his teammates were telling him he sucked, what advice would you give him? He’s 11.
It honestly sounded harmless, and we told him to toughen up. But I’m torn on telling the coach to watch out as my DS said the coach wasn’t around when this was happening. My husband thought I was crazy. Is this just to be expected as he gets older and things become more compatible? I don’t want to be that mom, but part of me thinks the coach needs to watch out for this. |
Anonymous
| I think I would need more context. It's one thing if they're mocking him for making a mistake on something he's still learning, but another things if it's because the whole team is told to run laps because your son was running his mouth instead of practicing. |
Anonymous
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The only time we brought a bullying issue to the attention of the club was when it was the coach doing it. He was going after one player in a destructive and mean-spirited way and the other kids picked up on this and started bullying the kid more and more. Was really unprofessional (to be honest, many parents felt the coach had a racial bias and this was part of our concern).
Club didn't do squat about it, fwiw. He's still coaching. |
Anonymous
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He needs to learn to stand his ground and defend himself. Like in this instance, your or the coach cannot always be present.
If he tries and it becomes a pattern, at 11, he should feel comfortable talking to the coach before you do. |
Anonymous
| I would talk to the coach. He needs to nip it in the bud. If he doesn’t, it speaks volumes to the organization. |
Anonymous
| We are having the same problem w DD and her new travel team same age. The returning girls not engaging or playing w new ones and avoiding passing etc. apparently they were hoping they didn’t have to play w the terrible girls during practice ( AKA their new teammates). DD doesn’t want to rock the boat, but we are highly annoyed |
Anonymous
| If he really did suck then they weren't bullying. They were being honest. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry he experienced this. Sports teams can become toxic by middle school, especially those high profile sports (soccer, LAX etc) that have so much parental pressure associated with them. My kids never went through this, but I certainly heard from others who did. In my experience coaches were generally pretty invested in keeping teams a supportive environment and if someone was being picked on they wanted to know and address it. My advice would be to keep an eye on this - if it's a one off (kids do say mean/stupid stuff sometimes to someone they are perfectly nice to the next day) then let it go, but if it becomes a pattern I would talk to the coach. |
Anonymous
I would pull him from the team. That is never going to be a successful team. Coaches coach, players play, spectators spectate. When players start tearing teammates down, that is a bad sign of a toxic culture. Find another team. |
Anonymous
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My kids have never been on a team where literally all the kids said negative things to them. That sounds like a very bad dynamic unless it was a one-time thing based on a specific event. We have been on teams where one kid is a bully and may have a couple of followers who mimic them. It was usually over playing time issues in that scenario, and solved by our kids working harder and earning starting spots over the bully.
I wouldn’t go to the coach until you figure out if it’s a pattern and whether your kid might be doing something that invites scorn or anger. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Sure it more likely the bully kid/s suck and are threatened by the new kid. This happens a lot in travel soccer. |
Anonymous
| This happened to my kid at this age. I would talk to the coach. There are a few lessons to be learned here. 1. with your kid, he needs toughen up a bit and deal with this type of stuff when it happens because these things will happen. 2. The bullies need to understand that, when they bully a kid, they are hurting the TEAM by weakening that player! There is no place for bullies on a team. The coach needs to help both the "bullied" and the "bully". If he can't, then you pull the kid and let the club know why. Keep in mind that a lot of these coaches played in college or something, got some licenses, and just started coaching. They have no idea how to deal with kids. They aren't teachers. They aren't sport psychologists. etc. You need to have a conversation with the coach. So it's a team effort. You, your kid, and the coach. In addition, the parent of the bully for my kid I feel like sensed something because he came to me and said...if you ever hear of my kid being a jerk, let me know. I never said anything to him. I bring this up as that may be an option as well. What this can't be is a yelling match with you and the coach or the other parent or anything because that just embarrasses the kid. Whatever you do, have your kid's buy in. You don't want to embarrass him further. |
Anonymous
It's sad when the coaches are creating a toxic team environment and the DOC or TD doesn't do anything about it. |
Anonymous
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Unfortunately, bullying never stops until the bullied kid practices very hard. This not only improves his skills but more importantly greatly improves his/her self-confidence.
Being new to any team, there’s always a feeling of isolation unless the player joins with his/her friends too. This happened to my DD when she joined a team 2 years ago. While she was a decent player, she was new to the travel team environment. Hence, she didn’t understand some of the positioning and terminologies. She was fine after one season. In addition, she practiced a lot on her own and I noticed not only a spike in her skills but a huge spike in her confidence too. She’s now U13. |