Older parents getting remarried/complicated situation

[Anonymous]

Will she be mad if she finds out that you didn't tell her when it happened? If so, I would tell her now. And bring extra wine for yourself on the vacation.

For me, it would be a lose lose situation. My mom would vent about it on the vacation but she would be MAD if she found out I kept it from her (which she eventually would because she always seems to). So I'd opt to tell her now and then mellow myself with some wine while she vents.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all! I think I’ll feel out the situation. I feel better knowing it’s not generally seen as egregious to just keep a lid on it for the sake of a peaceful trip. But if the time seems right, I’ll share the info and live with the predictable fallout—which won’t be totally disastrous but just may add a level of annoyance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kids can keep their mouths shut, tell her at the end of the vacation.

The kids don't know! I haven't told them yet, because I wanted to figure out what to do about my mother. Things you didn't think you'd have to deal with as an adult, for $500.

You have not told your kids their grandfather got married because you are afraid to have a conversation with your mother about it.

You've got a pretty loose definition of the term "adult," OP.

[Anonymous]

^^Hey, I’m just someone who has lived my life caught in the middle with no one else to share the burden. I’m navigating a delicate situation delicately to account for everyone’s feelings. My kids will find out eventually. They’re little. They don’t need to know everything right away. And they’re not masters at sharing information appropriately or with sensitivity, which is why I’m waiting until after we spend a weekend with my mom to share the info.

[Anonymous]

Therapy, friend, to learn how to set boundaries better. You aren’t obligated to listen to your mom vent about your father, even as an only child.

—Fellow only

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Hey, I’m just someone who has lived my life caught in the middle with no one else to share the burden. I’m navigating a delicate situation delicately to account for everyone’s feelings. My kids will find out eventually. They’re little. They don’t need to know everything right away. And they’re not masters at sharing information appropriately or with sensitivity, which is why I’m waiting until after we spend a weekend with my mom to share the info.

It's not really a delicate situation, though. Your parents are divorced, your father got remarried. The only reason yu think it's delicate is that you have enabled your mother's overreactions re your father for (I am guessing) years.

"Mom, Dad is remarried. [Beginning of rant] I don't really want to focus on this during our vacation, let's not discuss it." [Start of another rant] Mom, I said I don't want to discuss it. Drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not do it while on vacation. Wait, until after if you must.

If it will upset her, don’t do it on her vacation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kids can keep their mouths shut, tell her at the end of the vacation.

This. this.this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding why you need to tell anyone. It’s not your news to share.

This. Why is your mother's concern? They've been divorced for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Your mother seems to need a therapist to get over her divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kids can keep their mouths shut, tell her at the end of the vacation.

The kids don't know! I haven't told them yet, because I wanted to figure out what to do about my mother. Things you didn't think you'd have to deal with as an adult, for $500.

You have not told your kids their grandfather got married because you are afraid to have a conversation with your mother about it.

You've got a pretty loose definition of the term "adult," OP.

As does anyone who comes to a thread and craps on the OP with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what kind of annuity is "free" for a spouse. Everyone I'm aware of reduces the retiree's portion to provide for a spouse.

And I'm not aware of any that would not have a reduced or nonexistent benefit for a second spouse if the first was entitled to any of it.

Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are divorced and have separate finances why does she care if he marries a gold digger?

Uhhh. Obviously because it means her daughter will not inherit from her father and the money will go to the “gold digger!” This is obvious!

[Anonymous]

Just don’t say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what kind of annuity is "free" for a spouse. Everyone I'm aware of reduces the retiree's portion to provide for a spouse.

And I'm not aware of any that would not have a reduced or nonexistent benefit for a second spouse if the first was entitled to any of it.

Just curious.

Not OP but I couldn't tell you. But I CAN tell you about how when your older parent gets remarried and then passes away, and you get jack shit from his estate...