Father who abandons kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alcoholism is a disease. This should be explained to your children.

Your children have made it clear they want to continue to have a relationship with their father, no matter what his issues are. It sounds like they are glad for any time they can get with him even if it's for short periods of time.

I am quite certain your kids can feel your disrespect and death-wish about their father. That is probably impacting how they view their visits. You are putting them in a bad position where their binds to their father are being sawed at by your negative feelings towards him.

You also call him a narcissist. Was this a professional diagnosis from a health care provider or is it your opinion?

If you want to alienate your kids from their father I'd say you are being successful.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the best relationship possible with the other parent.

Yes it is but often a lot of the worst a-hole and or sociopathic behavior is a co-occurring personality disorder. For example alcoholics drink to excess but that in no way explains drinking and driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want him around. He knows it. You don't want him to have a relationship with the kids so stop complaining. You set it up this way and didn't think of the impact when you did.

It's clear they've set up weekends that he can't be bothered to do. Not sure how you read that she set it up this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Al-anon.

+1.

Also check out the sober recovery forum. Even if you don't post, it's helpful to read others stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want him around. He knows it. You don't want him to have a relationship with the kids so stop complaining. You set it up this way and didn't think of the impact when you did.

OP didn’t set it up—he can’t bother to stay sober enough for the kids to stay with him. Google soberlink.

[Anonymous]

Ala-Teen for the older 2, stat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ala-Teen for the older 2, stat

+1. There’s probably a ton of online meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alcoholism is a disease. This should be explained to your children.

Your children have made it clear they want to continue to have a relationship with their father, no matter what his issues are. It sounds like they are glad for any time they can get with him even if it's for short periods of time.

I am quite certain your kids can feel your disrespect and death-wish about their father. That is probably impacting how they view their visits. You are putting them in a bad position where their binds to their father are being sawed at by your negative feelings towards him.


You also call him a narcissist. Was this a professional diagnosis from a health care provider or is it your opinion?

If you want to alienate your kids from their father I'd say you are being successful.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the best relationship possible with the other parent.

You have a lot of nerve. I'm pissed on the OP's behalf just reading this crap. You think she needs a professional diagnosis from a health care provider to call him a narcissist, yet you think you can spew this crap??? Unreal. You suck, PP. OP is clearly trying to do the best thing for her kids. You really, really suck....

Thank you PP, nice to know people actually get it. The last thing I want to is to alienate him, he has chosen to do so on his own, even when we were still married. Kids sometimes don’t want to see him, but he baits them with oh I got a new puppy or I just got a new BMW or I want to show you my new TV. My girls are pretty much over it, my son still has hope. He’s crushed their hearts so many times, I’d have to fill pages and pages to describe how awful he’s been. But some People always want to find easy answers, it must be her fault bc there’s no way a man would do this to his kids. Well newsflash folks, this guy really is that bad, and he’s not the only one out there. There really are people that selfish and self absorbed and yes, he is a classic narcissist but of course he’s not diagnosed, have you ever met one that thinks they need therapy? Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually annoyed that you're armchair diagnosing him as a narcissist.

Alchoholism is a disease. Focus on that. It does you and your children no good to blame your problems on his perceived narcissism.

You seem to have missed the key point of the father being drunk during visits with his kids. But, yeah, OP is out of line for calling him a narcissit on an anonymous website.

Seriously. OP, if I were in your shoes, I would stop the visits at his house and tell your DC that their father has a disease -- alcoholism -- that makes it unhealthy for them to be around him. I would meet in public places only. I would never drop my kids off with a drunk person.

That's a really good idea.

[Anonymous]

Therapy for them and you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy for them and you.

Offer therapy but don’t force it. I was made to go and it made me feel worse. There was zero I could do about the situation and I hated being reminded of it once a week.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. What a piece of work. I hope the kids get lots of excellent therapy, it can really help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alcoholism is a disease. This should be explained to your children.

Your children have made it clear they want to continue to have a relationship with their father, no matter what his issues are. It sounds like they are glad for any time they can get with him even if it's for short periods of time.

I am quite certain your kids can feel your disrespect and death-wish about their father. That is probably impacting how they view their visits. You are putting them in a bad position where their binds to their father are being sawed at by your negative feelings towards him.


You also call him a narcissist. Was this a professional diagnosis from a health care provider or is it your opinion?

If you want to alienate your kids from their father I'd say you are being successful.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the best relationship possible with the other parent.

You have a lot of nerve. I'm pissed on the OP's behalf just reading this crap. You think she needs a professional diagnosis from a health care provider to call him a narcissist, yet you think you can spew this crap??? Unreal. You suck, PP. OP is clearly trying to do the best thing for her kids. You really, really suck....

Thank you PP, nice to know people actually get it. The last thing I want to is to alienate him, he has chosen to do so on his own, even when we were still married. Kids sometimes don’t want to see him, but he baits them with oh I got a new puppy or I just got a new BMW or I want to show you my new TV. My girls are pretty much over it, my son still has hope. He’s crushed their hearts so many times, I’d have to fill pages and pages to describe how awful he’s been. But some People always want to find easy answers, it must be her fault bc there’s no way a man would do this to his kids. Well newsflash folks, this guy really is that bad, and he’s not the only one out there. There really are people that selfish and self absorbed and yes, he is a classic narcissist but of course he’s not diagnosed, have you ever met one that thinks they need therapy? Ha!

Frankly it sounds that you are annoyed that the kids still want to see their dad. He BAITS THEM? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually annoyed that you're armchair diagnosing him as a narcissist.

Alchoholism is a disease. Focus on that. It does you and your children no good to blame your problems on his perceived narcissism.

This. Are the kids in AlaTeen? Generally AlaTeen is available for kids at age 10 and over.

You should consider AlAnon but kids would get a lot from AlaTeen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ala-Teen for the older 2, stat

This. Youngest can probably participate in AlaTeen at around age 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually annoyed that you're armchair diagnosing him as a narcissist.

Alchoholism is a disease. Focus on that. It does you and your children no good to blame your problems on his perceived narcissism.

You seem to have missed the key point of the father being drunk during visits with his kids. But, yeah, OP is out of line for calling him a narcissit on an anonymous website.

Seriously. OP, if I were in your shoes, I would stop the visits at his house and tell your DC that their father has a disease -- alcoholism -- that makes it unhealthy for them to be around him. I would meet in public places only. I would never drop my kids off with a drunk person.

That's a really good idea.

Laws guide this. OP should consult a lawyer. Having a disease does not stop child from seeing a parent with a disease.