Why are most couples so competitive?

[Anonymous]

We aren’t. Not sure this is the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why once we get past the honeymoon stage and get comfortable all we do is compete with each other and try and win. I see this so much with everyone. My husband and I will argue about who’s right and that’s pretty much the only arguments we have. I will even go as far as researching evidence in texts or screenshots to prove I’m right. It’s just one big competition!

Not all couples are this way.

My husband and I are sometimes competitive, but it tends to either be about dumb stuff that doesn't really matter (like who can run a faster mile, or who has the best banana bread recipe), or about something that is triggering insecurity in one of us. For instance, he is sometimes competitive about parenting with me because our kids are still very much in the early "mommy is the favorite" stage and I know it sometimes hurts his feelings that they often prefer me for things like bedtimes or consoling them when they get hurt. But I don't take it personally when he does this and recognize it's coming from a good impulse (he wants his kids to love and trust him).

I think if you are keeping it light, competition doesn't have to be a bad thing. But if you are keeping score on everything, or if one of you gets mad when you "lose", it's an indication that you have trust and communication issues and you should probably find a way to address it.

Not to derail the thread, but you don’t have to let the kids do this. Do they get plenty of time with him alone? Like half days or more at a time? My kids come to whoever’s around for comfort, and if they were preferring one parent over the other (they probably preferred mom under 2 y.o.) we’d try to change that. At bedtime, for example, you get whichever parent is doing bedtime that night.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like an asshat

[Anonymous]

I would never compete with DH except in jest (and we are both very competitive). His successes are mine and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I get in power struggles about getting our way about things at times, but we don’t compete with each other about being “right.”

I suggest you stop doing this. It sounds like you are creating a problem that really, truly doesn’t seem hard to avoid.

[Anonymous]

“Most” couples are not “competitive “.

[Anonymous]

Most couples?

Please don't assume most of us have your problems.

[Anonymous]

Some more examples would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I are definitely like this. Neither are most of our friends. I think you need to stop with the "why are couples like this?" And fix the "why are you guys like this?". It's not a healthy norm for a marriage.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel this way. My husband and I work as a team. He has strengths and I have strengths. We try to help each other. I’m not saying our marriage is perfect, but I definitely don’t feel like I’m competing with him although there are some things he’s good at that I wish I was good at and sometimes it makes me frustrated. But that’s not at him. It’s at myself.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need more competition outside the home, at work, at your career, at a very competitive hobby. You and perhaps DH need a more ambitious path especially for your careers so you can spar with others.

Home should be a sanctuary

[Anonymous]

My husband is a know it all. I let him think he does know it all. I don't like to argue with anyone.

[Anonymous]

I suggest using empowered wife techniques

[Anonymous]

DH and I are not like this. We are very different which is a good balance. We really don’t have anything to be competitive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why once we get past the honeymoon stage and get comfortable all we do is compete with each other and try and win. I see this so much with everyone. My husband and I will argue about who’s right and that’s pretty much the only arguments we have. I will even go as far as researching evidence in texts or screenshots to prove I’m right. It’s just one big competition!

Can you give an example? What on earth are you arguing about all the time?