Pregnant with HG and furloughed: What would you do?

[Anonymous]

If you are asked to return to work and you use pregnancy as your excuse for being unable to come to work then you'd better get your OB to write a letter to this effect.

[Anonymous]

OP, as someone who experienced horrendous and unrelenting morning sickness, and was asked to reapply for her job as soon as she walked back in the door from maternity leave, I offer you this piece of advice: Hold your cards close. My boss and I were super tight and I never dreamed this person would push me out of their team. This was pre-COVID so our situations are different, but going through what I went through I will never trust a boss or company again. Don’t underestimate the sneaky maneuvers that managers and firms will use to make it seem like it had nothing to do with the pregnancy or maternity leave.

I’m sorry you’re in such a tough spot. Really and truly. I just want you to look out for yourself and your family. I made the mistake of thinking my boss would always look after me and it was heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who experienced horrendous and unrelenting morning sickness, and was asked to reapply for her job as soon as she walked back in the door from maternity leave, I offer you this piece of advice: Hold your cards close. My boss and I were super tight and I never dreamed this person would push me out of their team. This was pre-COVID so our situations are different, but going through what I went through I will never trust a boss or company again. Don’t underestimate the sneaky maneuvers that managers and firms will use to make it seem like it had nothing to do with the pregnancy or maternity leave.

I’m sorry you’re in such a tough spot. Really and truly. I just want you to look out for yourself and your family. I made the mistake of thinking my boss would always look after me and it was heartbreaking.

There are two sides and we need to hear the other side
If you were out sick the entire time, yes, you would need to reapply for your job. Also, the law simply states that you must be given a comparable job, not the same job.

[Anonymous]

OP I just want to say I'm sorry you're going through this. As a fellow HG survivor it is the hardest thing I have ever endured. Many people will not understand, thinking pregnancy is something normal people can get through just fine, with no understanding of just how sick someone with HG can get. I always had to be honest because there was simply no way to hide it so I don't have much advice there. Just a general, you got this, and you're in the worst of it now, and there are people out there who have been there who are rooting for you <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you want to keep your job, understandably, even though you are basically incapable of DOING your job.

You are why women are not considered equally or paid fairly in the workforce.

I am a mother and never expected my employers to make any special accommodations for my pregnancies.

If you are unable to do your job, why would you expect for them to continue to pay you and pay for health insurance.

How entitled can you be?

She is performing a special function none of the men can: PRODUCTION OF THE WORKFORCE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you want to keep your job, understandably, even though you are basically incapable of DOING your job.

You are why women are not considered equally or paid fairly in the workforce.

I am a mother and never expected my employers to make any special accommodations for my pregnancies.

If you are unable to do your job, why would you expect for them to continue to pay you and pay for health insurance.

How entitled can you be?

She is performing a special function none of the men can: PRODUCTION OF THE WORKFORCE.

This is a stupid argument. Was she forced to have a baby? No. It was her choice. Live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who experienced horrendous and unrelenting morning sickness, and was asked to reapply for her job as soon as she walked back in the door from maternity leave, I offer you this piece of advice: Hold your cards close. My boss and I were super tight and I never dreamed this person would push me out of their team. This was pre-COVID so our situations are different, but going through what I went through I will never trust a boss or company again. Don’t underestimate the sneaky maneuvers that managers and firms will use to make it seem like it had nothing to do with the pregnancy or maternity leave.

I’m sorry you’re in such a tough spot. Really and truly. I just want you to look out for yourself and your family. I made the mistake of thinking my boss would always look after me and it was heartbreaking.

There are two sides and we need to hear the other side
If you were out sick the entire time, yes, you would need to reapply for your job. Also, the law simply states that you must be given a comparable job, not the same job.

PP here. Nope. I was sick the whole time but continued to be a top performer on the team. Earned a number of certifications during my pregnancy. Was told I would be promoted. Team leadership gave me plenty of praise and my performance reviews were stellar.

I walked back into the office on my first day back and there was an icy chill in the air. I was left out of team meetings and dinners. And then they dropped the bomb on me that I had to reapply.

I know it’s hard for people to believe that sometimes these things happen, despite there being laws and HR organizations in place to prevent them. But it happened. I never thought it would happen to me but it did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I just want to say I'm sorry you're going through this. As a fellow HG survivor it is the hardest thing I have ever endured. Many people will not understand, thinking pregnancy is something normal people can get through just fine, with no understanding of just how sick someone with HG can get. I always had to be honest because there was simply no way to hide it so I don't have much advice there. Just a general, you got this, and you're in the worst of it now, and there are people out there who have been there who are rooting for you <3

OP here. Thank you so much for this note, and I’m so sorry you suffered through this, too. A lot of people don’t get the severity and you’re right, it’s impossible to hide, especially when you’re being hospitalized. I’m still super torn about what to do, as I’m hoping I feel better by the time my furlough period ends (ugh, please body!) and that I can just go back to work remotely and tell my boss once I’m back and able to work. But I’m not a fortune teller and my OB has cautioned me this could be the situation until the baby is born — it might not be, but it could be. Worst case scenario I lose my job and go on my husband’s insurance and job hunt after the baby is born. Financially it would be really tough, but I know how lucky it is that that’s even an option (even if it’s not a great one). I’m trying to weigh all the outcomes, but honestly am just so exhausted and sick it’s a lot to even think about.

Anyway, thank you so much for your kind words. They brought a lot of light into this dark time <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I just want to say I'm sorry you're going through this. As a fellow HG survivor it is the hardest thing I have ever endured. Many people will not understand, thinking pregnancy is something normal people can get through just fine, with no understanding of just how sick someone with HG can get. I always had to be honest because there was simply no way to hide it so I don't have much advice there. Just a general, you got this, and you're in the worst of it now, and there are people out there who have been there who are rooting for you <3

OP here. Thank you so much for this note, and I’m so sorry you suffered through this, too. A lot of people don’t get the severity and you’re right, it’s impossible to hide, especially when you’re being hospitalized. I’m still super torn about what to do, as I’m hoping I feel better by the time my furlough period ends (ugh, please body!) and that I can just go back to work remotely and tell my boss once I’m back and able to work. But I’m not a fortune teller and my OB has cautioned me this could be the situation until the baby is born — it might not be, but it could be. Worst case scenario I lose my job and go on my husband’s insurance and job hunt after the baby is born. Financially it would be really tough, but I know how lucky it is that that’s even an option (even if it’s not a great one). I’m trying to weigh all the outcomes, but honestly am just so exhausted and sick it’s a lot to even think about.

Anyway, thank you so much for your kind words. They brought a lot of light into this dark time <3

I'm glad it helped, even a little. It is so isolating, and where you are is the darkest of the dark. If you haven't already I would encourage you to join a group called "Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)" on facebook. It is kind of a crazy group because people from ALLLL walks of life get HG! But is insanely supportive for HG issues and really helped me get through it (2 times!).

If this is your first time through then for sure you will not know if you're one of the 40 weekers or the 14 weekers when it comes to sickness. For me, it always started to ease around 14 weeks and would improve a lot by 20 weeks. I have been pregnant 3 times, HG twice. With my son I had very severe morning sickness but it was not as bad as it was with my daughters. In my last pregnancy the nausea improved a lot for second tri but came back in the third. But in all three, weeks 8-13 were an order of magnitude worse than anything else. I was basically bedridden that time getting into the hospital for fluids but by 16-18 weeks I was back to being able to live my life.

You should do what feels right in your gut (even though nothing feels good in there right now!). I do think an employer may avoid laying off a pregnant woman for concerns, which is a mark in favor, and if you can work remotely that really makes it easier. I worked remotely through this last one and while it was hard, its easier to make it work from your own bed/bathroom floor than the office. But even remotely I couldn't hide it, my voice alone was sandpaper from the vomiting and it was tell them or sound hungover all the time.

Good luck, the baby is worth it at the end, even through the darkest moments <3