Mom friend drama

[Anonymous]

Why are PODs necessary again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ick posts like this make me nervous for DC to start ES

can't believe cliques are still a thing as 30-40 year old women!

If it makes you feel better, I'm 44 with a middle schooler and an elementary schooler and I have no idea who the "cool mom" clique is at either school I assume I am not in it, but it's also nice not to feel like I'm missing out on anything!

I am involved with a group of moms who are very involved with the school and we plan activities for our kids and volunteer etc. These women are awesome, but I don't know if anyone would call us cool and there really don't seem to be cliques.

[Anonymous]

OP You were rushed as the new family. Now you are being dropped. It’s a thing. Ugly yes. Very. But it happens. You need to look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP You were rushed as the new family. Now you are being dropped. It’s a thing. Ugly yes. Very. But it happens. You need to look elsewhere.

Thanks yes I appreciate all of that now, and I’m ok with it
Just want to ensure my DD is part of a pod with her friends as it’s going to be a long school year!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP You were rushed as the new family. Now you are being dropped. It’s a thing. Ugly yes. Very. But it happens. You need to look elsewhere.

Rushed as the new family! Never thought of it this way before but a perfect description.

[Anonymous]

I would choose a "pod" that has moms you get along with. You don't want to have to deal with that drama, and you don't really want those kids influencing your kid, even if they are "friends" right now. I would much rather my kid learn to be friends with people who are actually nice, and we will all be much happier.

[Anonymous]

I was once sitting at a parent event talking to a another mom. We were sitting on the floor with our kids, talking while waiting for things to start. Another mom came up, smiled and started talking to the other mom without looking at me, and literally sat down inches from me in front of me so that I was no longer part of the conversation with the other mom. It was the weirdest, rudest thing ever. I still wonder if she knew what she was doing or was just totally oblivious. Parents can be weird, and it isn't worth the drama. Do what is best for you as a family -- your kid is young and will make friends with anyone you pod with.

[Anonymous]

Don’t get too caught up in wanting her to be with her friends. She’ll become closer to the people she sees more often —> new friends —> win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ick posts like this make me nervous for DC to start ES

can't believe cliques are still a thing as 30-40 year old women!

OP
my advice is to make friends very slowly
Be friendly to everyone but don’t get dragged into any cliques
The first person to befriend you is usually nuts 😂

Lol, this is so true. When I first moved to my neighborhood, I was so excited to make a friend and start getting included in events and parties. I've since realized my first friend is nuts. Luckily I've made lots of other friends.

[Anonymous]

If you stay friends with this crowd, their daughters will act the same way to your DD. Get out now while you can and save DD the heartache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you stay friends with this crowd, their daughters will act the same way to your DD. Get out now while you can and save DD the heartache.

This is good advice. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get too caught up in wanting her to be with her friends. She’ll become closer to the people she sees more often —> new friends —> win-win.

Ok thank you. It will be interesting to see how the friendships play out once we’re all back to school finally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would choose a "pod" that has moms you get along with. You don't want to have to deal with that drama, and you don't really want those kids influencing your kid, even if they are "friends" right now. I would much rather my kid learn to be friends with people who are actually nice, and we will all be much happier.

Thanks this is good advice. It’s all much more challenging than I would have expected

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP You were rushed as the new family. Now you are being dropped. It’s a thing. Ugly yes. Very. But it happens. You need to look elsewhere.

Rushed as the new family! Never thought of it this way before but a perfect description.

OP
Yes it’s a great description
It all happened so fast I could tell it wasn’t a good fit for me but couldn’t seem to find an elegant way out
My membership of the cool clique was always going to be short lived

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was once sitting at a parent event talking to a another mom. We were sitting on the floor with our kids, talking while waiting for things to start. Another mom came up, smiled and started talking to the other mom without looking at me, and literally sat down inches from me in front of me so that I was no longer part of the conversation with the other mom. It was the weirdest, rudest thing ever. I still wonder if she knew what she was doing or was just totally oblivious. Parents can be weird, and it isn't worth the drama. Do what is best for you as a family -- your kid is young and will make friends with anyone you pod with.

This has happened to me in a bunch of different situations and I am always so confounded. I think most of the time people truly are just oblivious, or are just being awkward. Like I think often people just don't have the social skills to introduce themselves to someone they don't know, or to say "Oh, I'm so sorry to interrupt but I really wanted to say hi before we got started" or whatever to just acknowledge your presence. I do think sometimes people are being intentional about it. I remember there was one woman in in my new mom's group who would always do this to me if she came in and I was talking to her "bestie" in the group. She was definitely trying to make it clear that this was HER friend. It was so dumb.

I used to take this personally but I've realized that it has nothing to do with me -- it's just people with limited social skills and lots of insecurity acting out. I think having a kid actually make it easier for me to deal with behavior like this, because it's the exact same behaviors you see in young kids as they learn how to navigate socializing and friendship. It makes me genuinely sad how many adults apparently never got the guidance to do this well, or gained the self-awareness and empathy to interact with people in a non-competitive, open-hearted way. It just makes me double down on making sure my kid does get those skills.