Working Moms...sick of being passed over for gay co-workers???

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh! My boss is a gay man! And here I thought he was promoted to a supervisory position because he works harder than me, has been here longer, and is really knowledgeable in our field. But now that I realize I've been discriminated against, I'm PISSED!!

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP is also one of the moms who actively discriminates against nannies who are also moms. Several of my colleagues would FLIP OUT if they were passed over for a job because they were mothers, yet they don't see the hypocrisy in passing over/firing nannies who have children or become pregnant.

[Anonymous]

You know, I find that people who don't get their expected promotions often blame it on some perceived factors that are outside their control. It's always something. Ageism, sexism, whatever. But really, take a hard look at what you're doing. If you were a star, making visible contributions, making sure people know what you're doing, cultivating relationships with higher ups who champion you, you may not face being repeatedly passed over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP is also one of the moms who actively discriminates against nannies who are also moms. Several of my colleagues would FLIP OUT if they were passed over for a job because they were mothers, yet they don't see the hypocrisy in passing over/firing nannies who have children or become pregnant.

LOVE IT!!!! I gotta admit when I first read the header to this thread I was thinking unless she works for Vogue Magazine, huh???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, I find that people who don't get their expected promotions often blame it on some perceived factors that are outside their control. It's always something. Ageism, sexism, whatever. But really, take a hard look at what you're doing. If you were a star, making visible contributions, making sure people know what you're doing, cultivating relationships with higher ups who champion you, you may not face being repeatedly passed over.

This is not what the OP wants to hear even though you are probably right. Trust me, you'll be hearing from her soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has happened to me twice...yes, I am bitter, I admit it...but twice now I have been passed over for promotions because gay male co-workers can devote more time after hours etc than me (at the office, I always work late at home). They have no children and I know bosses know chances are...they never will. I don't even want to get into the details of my situation...but I wanted to know if anyone else feels this way. Yes, it know it seems like a petty post...and I admit it is, but I am pissed now. Seems I made the huge mistake career-wise of having children....the best decision I have made on every other level of my life. So sad that this is still the case in 2010.

My vote for most inane comment...ever.

Most working mothers come to terms with this fact of life, and usually it ain't a surprise. Indeed--most women are aware this is a possibility before they even have kids--are you seriously suggesting this is news to you? Get real.

Blaming gays for this, too? Now that is creative. What if these two gay men were unmarried women? Would you want to stone them publicly for choosing to put their effort into their job and not a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think the OP is trying to be a bigot. I think she truly feels she's being passed up by her boss because her boss assumes the gay men will not be having children, therefore they'll be able to work whenever. Perhaps her boss is misinformed or the gay men in her office are in no position to have children at this time.

Another reason why we all, gay and straight, should work for equal rights for gays -- in marriage, adoption, and foster care -- so the burden of raising children is shared more equally! (And I only have my tongue a little ways into my cheek.)

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are not only better at their jobs than you, but also more fabulous.

[Anonymous]

They should get promoted over you b/c bottom line, if a work situation comes up and your kid needs you, you'll choose your kid. As a supervisor, I wouldn't pick you either. You want the perks (title, prestige and money) but don't want to put in the commitment because little joey has a cold or little susie has a play tonight.

[Anonymous]

If you feel that you are being discriminated against because of your marital status, take it up with the DC Human Rights Commission. However, that is ENTIRELY different than your colleagues being favored because they are gay. Do you see the difference?

[Anonymous]

OP, when you have two men in a household, the earning potential is very high. If there are no kids, then they have the life (or so it would seem). Endless time to devote to careers and so on.
Things are not fair WRT gender issues, and never will be.

[Anonymous]

I have to say this is a new twist in things to complain about. My employer is one of the most liberal in the Fortune 500 when it comes to non-discrimination whether based on gender, race, sexual orientation, family, you name it. It's part of the reason I *love* it there, and I'm a straight married white woman with three kids.

OP, I'm sorry you were passed over twice for a promotion but it most likely had very little to do with the competition being gay, and possibly more to do with their qualifications and/or your performance. As a PP aptly put it, you should expand your ire to other groups such as single straight men and women, older people past childbearing age, hardcore workaholics regardless of kids, men who are married to SAHM's, etc. It just sounds well, bigoted to target gay men for stealing your promotion.

It kind of sounds like my GS-15 ex-husband who is bitter about minorities stealing his promotions - - I got so tired of hearing it, and it made him sound as ignorant as he is/was.

[Anonymous]

I was all set to write a scathing post, butI see everything I wanted to say has already been said. So I'll just say ditto to most of the of the pps, and a big "thpppt!!!!" to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Y'know? I get that you're feeling pissed and passed over. OK. But you need to get over it. Life ain't fair. One of two things is happening here:

1) You're not as good a worker as you think you are. (Hey, to be honest, after I had kids, I WASN'T as devoted to my job as I was pre-kids -- oh well) or,

2) You are in a career or company that values "face time". If you don't like it, get out.

Either way, the fact that your gay colleagues got promoted probably had NOTHING to do with their sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

On one hand, OP's anger at gay men because they are less likely to have children bothers me. I do think she is being unfair about lumping all gay people in with DINKS (double income no kids).

On the other hand, I do know of a discrimination case where a court ruled that a university IT department was hiring and promoting young gay men over middle-aged and older women. (btw the attorney who took the women's case was gay and supports gay rights so he clearly must have seen this as a question of fairness) So discrimination against straights has occurred. It is possible that OP is being discriminated against even though I don't care for her attitude.

And this is why I am proud to live in DC where we protect people against discrimination based on sexual orientation - whether you're gay or straight! And where soon gays and lesbians will be able to get married. Woohoo!