Cheating ex says he chooses not to contact me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I broke off things on May 20.

And why haven't you blocked him? You aren't friends. You don't have children together. There's no reason for you to be in contact with him.

History. We've been friends/dating for 6 yrs.

That’s a shit excuse and you know it. You deserve better.

Block him.

It just feels like he made me waste my time and I feel angry about it. I also feel to blame for the long distance and I know I didn't give enough attention which is what guys need (and sex) to keep them.

[Anonymous]

Move on, op. Three years long distance is too long. Three years dating without getting engaged is too long, assuming you’re past college age. The relationship was over a while ago. Stick a fork in it, it’s done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move on, op. Three years long distance is too long. Three years dating without getting engaged is too long, assuming you’re past college age. The relationship was over a while ago. Stick a fork in it, it’s done.

That is what kills me and why I feel to blame for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I broke off things on May 20.

And why haven't you blocked him? You aren't friends. You don't have children together. There's no reason for you to be in contact with him.

History. We've been friends/dating for 6 yrs.

That’s a shit excuse and you know it. You deserve better.

Block him.

It just feels like he made me waste my time and I feel angry about it. I also feel to blame for the long distance and I know I didn't give enough attention which is what guys need (and sex) to keep them.

Wrong. This is not about attention. You are not responsible. Cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on, op. Three years long distance is too long. Three years dating without getting engaged is too long, assuming you’re past college age. The relationship was over a while ago. Stick a fork in it, it’s done.

That is what kills me and why I feel to blame for it.

Blame doesn’t matter at this point. It’s over. Cut the ties and move on with your life. How old are you guys?

[Anonymous]

BLock him. He is a terrible friend and a bad boyfriend. He is far too immature for marriage and children, and he doesn't actually want those things, that's just what he was telling you to keep you around so he could have easy access to sex when you were in town He found someone else to do that temporarily, but he still wants to keep you in his bed rotation and is trying to manipulate you into taking you back.
Don't allow him to waste any more of your time.
Block him. Get some therapy to improve your self-esteem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I broke off things on May 20.

And why haven't you blocked him? You aren't friends. You don't have children together. There's no reason for you to be in contact with him.

History. We've been friends/dating for 6 yrs.

That’s a shit excuse and you know it. You deserve better.

Block him.

It just feels like he made me waste my time and I feel angry about it. I also feel to blame for the long distance and I know I didn't give enough attention which is what guys need (and sex) to keep them.

No, it’s not your fault.

I’m in a long distance relationship. With no end in sight. And we haven’t seen each other in months due to COVID. Neither of us cheats because we are adults, and if one of us feels neglected, we talk about it and come up with a solution. If it ever got bad, we would end things, not cheat.

Learn what you can from the situation and move on.

[Anonymous]

He didn't make you waste your time, and yes you do need to accept some responsibility in this so you learn from it and do better in your next relationship.

We all have made mistakes. We all have clung to a person/relationship longer than we should. It happens, dust yourself off, learn from it, and move on.

Stop clinging to him to save face because you are too proud to admit you made a mistake.

The only thing worse than making a mistake is sticking too it once you know it was wrong.

You know 100% know this guy is no good. Stop entertaining him, don't waste another minute of your precious time with him.

Block him right now.

[Anonymous]

BLOCK HIM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I broke off things on May 20.

So why are you still thinking about him and trying to guess what he is doing and his motives? It’s over. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Exactly. I haven't quite moved on yet but I am disgusted at the cheating after he promised he wouldn't hurt me again when I cried about it. I'd like to video chat though (lost ten lbs since and looking pretty good) but I'd feel like he was sizing me up with the women he cheated. He also lied about giving oral to a woman whose bigger than me months ago when we tried things again. We had a break august-november. I'm just puzzled why he said he would choose not to contact me when he cheated and not me. It's as if he blames me somehnow.

Well, his tactics are working because it's clear in your posts that you blame yourself.

Sounds to me like you're playing the "pick me pick me" game. You're feeling more confident about yourself and want to show him what he's missing.

You need to work on yourself and figure out why you're trying to lure back a man who treats you so badly.

[Anonymous]

You are far too old to be acting like this. Block him and get some therapy. You say you had this great connection and all, but obviously there was something holding you back from moving in the past 3 years. Listen to whatever gut feeling that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be with a man whose cheating? If you were dating for 6 years and no marriage/commitment, time to move on. He's a player not a husband.

You can be committed without marriage. He wasn’t, but most marriages suck

[Anonymous]

No he is just putting out feelers to see if he can still hook up with you. Meanwhile he is still dating and seeing what else is out there.

He is just randomly sending you texts every now and again to reel you back in. He is being controlling by wanting you to behave how he wants eg the video call. He is stringing you along in case nothing else works out and he needs you back.

Why would you bother with him. Just block him and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on, op. Three years long distance is too long. Three years dating without getting engaged is too long, assuming you’re past college age. The relationship was over a while ago. Stick a fork in it, it’s done.

That is what kills me and why I feel to blame for it.

No women is responsible for another man's sexual behavior. Whatever problems you and he might have had, there were a thousand other ways for him to handle his feelings -- none of which involve cheating.

There is no coming back from cheating in a relationship with no children yet. The appropriate, healthy thing is for you to block him from all contact without any further explanation. Move on with your life. Get some therapy to take responsibility for your own behavior -- like getting into a long term relationship which doesn't allow for good relationship development. Why did you do that? Do you really think there are no compatible men where you live?

If you want a child, your time is running out biologically. But the answer to that problem isn't to partner up long term with someone who has demonstrated bad traits incompatible with being a good husband and father. He is literally filling the space and time that someone more appropriate could fill. Every minute you spend on him -- thinking about him, interacting with him -- is time you are wasting in creating the life you want and deserve.

Block him. Move on. Get therapy. Work on getting your life into a position where you can either support kids on your own, freeze eggs, explore adoption or explore child-bearing alternatives like being a godparent or aunt or involved in mentoring kids, etc.

He is what is known in "economics" as a sunk cost. Money/time you have already spent without getting the outcome you want. Our human tendancy is to keep throwing money/time after sunk costs in the hope of finally achieving the outcome we want. BUT, there's a reason why the phrase "don't throw good money after bad" is so popular. The same applies here. Don't continue to waste your time and effort and emotions on this person.