Ideal age gap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 years. 2.5 is harder.

I don’t like larger age gaps. Dh and I both have siblings with large age gaps and none of us are close. Just too far apart to ever have anything in common.

Weird. I’m 15 and 16 years older than my siblings and we are very close.

[Anonymous]

I really liked being 3.5 years apart from my sister. We overlapped 1 year in HS so I knew her friends a little and we got to do one or two things together. But it wasn’t too close that we had competition over things. Now it’s nice too that we are both adults and it matters less over time.

[Anonymous]

My 4 kids are all two years apart. Now that they are grown (youngest will be 18 soon), I'm glad I spaced them the way I did. With age gaps any larger, the school years would have lasted forever.

[Anonymous]

I think 2.5-3y, maybe 4y max. If they are too close, the competitiveness can impede a close relationship. I've worked with with literally hundreds of kids 24/7 for months at a time and really think they need a bit of breathing room.

I realize in my SO's case that his mother loves to triangulate and stir the pot but I see it in other siblings that are very close in age. Functionally, 18mo apart was no different than twins.

It isn't something I wouldn't do but would make sure they get plenty of 1-1 time with us and time alone with their own friends. I think a lot of the issues with the ones who didn't have triangulation or favoritism dynamics came from being together constantly and shipped around together as a pair.

[Anonymous]

TBH I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they wish they had done spacing differently; most of our friends with 2 kids spaced 3-4yrs apart. Those with more than 2 tended to do 2-3 yr spacing. My first 2 are about 2 years apart, then the 3rd is 3 yr spacing. TBH I prefer the 2 year gap. It can be difficult because they both need individual one on one time, but they are able to do the same types of activities and we’re both little together; the 3 yr gap between my 2nd and 3rd seems much bigger - definitely more of a baby and big kid distinction, which my 2nd didn’t have. I have also heard that if you want kids to be close (in childhood) don’t go further apart than 4 years, which I believe. My brother and I were 4 years apart but 5 years apart in school and while we played a bit while we we were younger, we were in much different stages as we got older and were not as close (though we are now as adults). But based on observation of our kids and friends’ kids, I also think it depends on whether you have same or different gender, which you typically can’t control, so just do what works for you!

[Anonymous]

2.5 years is perfect

[Anonymous]

3-4 years. Your older child is a bit more independent- potty trained and can dress themselves, maybe they are in pre-school and you get more one on one time with new baby. The age gap is far enough that they fight less- not as competitive, not as much jealousy. They will still play together and be close! Older child old enough to be more nurturing to younger sibling instead of jealous. Added bonus of not having 2 in diapers and 2 in daycare at the same time.