Ideal age gap?

[Anonymous]

What age gap do you recommend for siblings? For both their benefit and the parents. Leaving aside the fact that a lot of people including myself can’t count on planning pregnancy (took a year to conceive my first) trying to figure out what I want. Is under 2.5 years very difficult? Do things change dramatically between 2.5 and 3.5 in terms of the difficulty for parents? Curious to hear others experiences.

[Anonymous]

NP (pregnant with #1) wondering the same thing but also curious about timing of the second and recovering from the first. If you’re still breastfeeding does being pregnant impact that?

[Anonymous]

Two years or any age beyond that. Don't over think it.

[Anonymous]

Not more than 2.5 years

[Anonymous]

The research says 3 years but dcum is older so they will say 2!

[Anonymous]

Whatever you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not more than 2.5 years

for you. It isn't ideal for everyone so don't act like you have all the answers.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter. Anything can be awesome. Two under two is great because you get all the hard parts out of the way quickly. Who wants to have a four year old fresh out of pull-ups only to crank out a new baby and start wiping asses all over again? But yet, a 4 yr old can understand waiting while a mom is nursing or entertain the baby for two minutes while a parent finishes a shower, etc.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 20 months apart. The beginning was really difficult but now they are best friends, even in this quarantine they play together all waking hours and it’s the best.

I have a close friend with a five year age gap and she loves it too, her kids are in very distinct phases and she likes that.

So I think it really all depends.

[Anonymous]

I agree anything can be ideal depending on your circumstances.

We were around 30 when we had our first. We think we want three so we factor that into our timing. I had a hard delivery - one week in the hospital after emergency csection. I breastfed first a little over a year. Two and a half years later we are trying again but I’m still not physically where I was before baby one. I wanted to try to get as close physically to where I was before baby one because I figured after baby two it’s going to be way harder. I’ve definitely struggled with post part in anxiety and some depression at times. I needed to get me to a point where I thought I, and my marriage and family, would make it through another pregnancy and postpartum period.

Like I said, now we are trying again. Baby one took 5-6 months so we will see how this goes. If all goes well they will be just under three years apart. I’ll be close to geriatric if we do try for a third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter. Anything can be awesome. Two under two is great because you get all the hard parts out of the way quickly. Who wants to have a four year old fresh out of pull-ups only to crank out a new baby and start wiping asses all over again? But yet, a 4 yr old can understand waiting while a mom is nursing or entertain the baby for two minutes while a parent finishes a shower, etc.

This. But mine are all 2.5 years apart.

[Anonymous]

IME, siblings being close depends on personality not age, so I think the timing is really about how you feel as a parent. Some people want to get the baby years over with, others need a break.

For myself, I was ready to try again when DC1 was age 3, but for various reasons we put it off, then age 4 kicked our butts and we didn't try at all, then ready again toward the end of age 5 but we didn't pull the trigger ... anyway, I'm now pregnant and DC1's 7th birthday is this weekend. My sister and I are 5 years apart so I have a picture of how this will go, with DC2 kind of being an only child after DC1 is in HS/college.

[Anonymous]

My friend and I are both the oldest of 3, with 2.5 year age gap between each. We both have said we think 5 years apart is best because we get along well with our youngest siblings but not middle. 2.5 years apart = still sibling rivalry. At 5 years apart there’s not much to fight about.

[Anonymous]

My kids are almost 6 years apart and it is a dream. My eldest is truly, really helpful with my youngest. I was afraid they wouldn’t like to play together but actually they do, a lot. No squabbling over sharing toys or jealousy.

[Anonymous]

2 years. 2.5 is harder.

I don’t like larger age gaps. Dh and I both have siblings with large age gaps and none of us are close. Just too far apart to ever have anything in common.