Feel “nothing” when getting divorced

[Anonymous]

I felt nothing towards him. Felt a lot of worry about practical things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I was mentally divorced 9 years ago...at the very beginning. I think that is why.

Any sympathy I had for you just disappeared. If you were checked out from the very beginning, the marriage never had a chance and you just stole 9 years from your spouse. That's a crappy thing to do to someone.

Yeah, well, he forced an unplanned pregnancy. I was planning to leave. He is the one who made it last. I had to wait almost 8 years to get back to the right state where my job was to leave. He was threatening divorce from months into the marriage. I wanted to leave then. My mom said wait and then literally when I said I did not want to have sex because I did not want a kid, he forced the issue. I was ill. Who stole whose life here? Screw you.

Oh please. You had total control over whether or not you used contraception and over whether or not you carried the child to term. Stop making weak excuses for your own bad decisions.

He knew I did not want to. I was off the pill for two days because I had a 104 degree temperature. What happened to me was called reproductive coercion and it is a form of domestic abuse. I said no before and that day. In the state I was in it was near impossible to divorce while pregnant. I had to wait YEARS to get back to a geographical desirable area for my work. He would not move. I could not leave due to custody issues. If I had not been raised religiously, I would have had an abortion. I could not justify it being married. The bad decision was the marriage. I was planning to leave literally the same month this happened--even my family knew. The timing was awful. My point was...I did not steal years from him--my response it to the poster that assumed I stole years from him. He stole the years from my to get myself into a position in the right state to leave.

Anyone on earth would be emotionally divorced from someone when they were not happy to begin with and then they forced a pregnancy to happen knowing full well the person did not want a kid with him or her.

[Anonymous]

NP. I totally agree with the poster who said you need to take control of your own narrative. Yiu are taking zero responsibility in the scenario you paint. You had choices. You are not saying he raped you - what is reproductive coercion? What about birth control? And even if divorce is difficult, it is possible in every state.

[Anonymous]

OMG. The only reason I got into details is because someone accused me of stealing years from him. It was the reverse. I was on the way out early. He forced a pregnancy to happen. I could not get stuck in that state because of my job. There are no jobs there. I had to be back in the right place for work.

My fault was the marriage. His fault was the pregnancy we agreed never to have before the marriage and him refusing to take no for an answer when I was sick and specifically said i did not want to get pregnant.

There is a ton of stuff on reproductive coercion online. Here is just one article.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/a29867671/reproductive-coercion-abuse/

Now, get back to people who felt "nothing"--that is all I wanted to know. I did not appreciate being attacked for wasting years of his when people did not know the backstory of that the years were wasted by a decision he made to purposefully get me pregnant when I said no. And we agreed before "no kids." We never were trying to have kids. I was approached when deathly ill and said no several times and he was like "you are not going to get pregnant one time"--that act alone is coercion.

[Anonymous]

Schizoid personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of detachment from social relationships. A person with schizoid personality disorder often has difficulty expressing emotions and does so typically in very restricted range, especially when communicating with others.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. In any event, there is not need to badger me anymore.

I got the answer I needed...that others also feel "nothing" when they get divorced. I assumed that was the case for most people divorcing for the right reasons, I just wanted some anecdotal confirmation that others had experienced that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schizoid personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of detachment from social relationships. A person with schizoid personality disorder often has difficulty expressing emotions and does so typically in very restricted range, especially when communicating with others.

Not sure why this is in the thread. Not relevant.

[Anonymous]

I remember your post from a few years ago. Glad you finally got out. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have posted many, many times about your situation. That means you feel something. I hope you find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I was mentally divorced 9 years ago...at the very beginning. I think that is why.

Any sympathy I had for you just disappeared. If you were checked out from the very beginning, the marriage never had a chance and you just stole 9 years from your spouse. That's a crappy thing to do to someone.

Yeah, well, he forced an unplanned pregnancy. I was planning to leave. He is the one who made it last. I had to wait almost 8 years to get back to the right state where my job was to leave. He was threatening divorce from months into the marriage. I wanted to leave then. My mom said wait and then literally when I said I did not want to have sex because I did not want a kid, he forced the issue. I was ill. Who stole whose life here? Screw you.

Oh please. You had total control over whether or not you used contraception and over whether or not you carried the child to term. Stop making weak excuses for your own bad decisions.

He knew I did not want to. I was off the pill for two days because I had a 104 degree temperature. What happened to me was called reproductive coercion and it is a form of domestic abuse. I said no before and that day. In the state I was in it was near impossible to divorce while pregnant. I had to wait YEARS to get back to a geographical desirable area for my work. He would not move. I could not leave due to custody issues. If I had not been raised religiously, I would have had an abortion. I could not justify it being married. The bad decision was the marriage. I was planning to leave literally the same month this happened--even my family knew. The timing was awful. My point was...I did not steal years from him--my response it to the poster that assumed I stole years from him. He stole the years from my to get myself into a position in the right state to leave.

Anyone on earth would be emotionally divorced from someone when they were not happy to begin with and then they forced a pregnancy to happen knowing full well the person did not want a kid with him or her.

PP. You’ve posted before. Your story is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

This. I literally felt nothing.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here. Felt absolutely nothing.

Same. We didn’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you can edit your story for your kid's sake. You don't mention him/her at all, except to imply you never wanted him/her.

[Anonymous]

I was off the pill for two days because I had a 104 degree temperature.

But you chose not to take the readily available morning after pill.

If I had not been raised religiously, I would have had an abortion.

You chose not to have an abortion because reasons.

Stop blaming your husband and your religious upbringing for your bad choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was off the pill for two days because I had a 104 degree temperature.

But you chose not to take the readily available morning after pill.

If I had not been raised religiously, I would have had an abortion.

You chose not to have an abortion because reasons.

Stop blaming your husband and your religious upbringing for your bad choices.

It was not readily available then. You had to have a prescription. I was extremely sick for two weeks—I was barely getting out of bed and I was taking a lot of medication. I was not thinking at all about pregnancy being possible. I was too ill to even think like that and it was not as simple as going to CVS. When a spouse says no, the other should stop. Period.

Stop derailing the thread. I was defending myself from an early poster’s assumption about things. I am not soliciting your opinion. My question was about “feeling nothing” with a divorce. That has been answered and I do not need any more nasty comments. You have no idea what else has happened so just stop.