I despise my MIL. Return to sender or just accept and not thank her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

You're lucky you don't have relatives like OP's MIL. No, she does not sound really horrible. You sound naive and blissfully ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

+1

Agree, and also agree that you need to grow up.

It actually upsets me that these people walk among us. OP sounds like a middle school drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:C) None of the above. You be the kinder person and say thank you for thinking of you on your birthday and if you really don’t want it around, you donate it when goodwill is open again.

Being kinder than someone deserves is never the wrong choice.

DP - it really depends on the situation. I don't know OP's situation and maybe she's being overly harsh, who knows.

But I believe you have to teach people how to treat you. I had a family member say some absolutely unforgivable things to me, not apologize, and then try to get me to move past it by acting like nothing happened. NOPE. Want to reestablish contact? Be an adult, come to me with an apology and a heart to heart conversation about what happened and how we can move forward, and we can work to rebuild the relationship. Otherwise I'm a doormat and this person will think they can treat me however they want with no consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

+1

Agree, and also agree that you need to grow up.

It actually upsets me that these people walk among us. OP sounds like a middle school drama queen.

You have no idea what her MIL did to deserve her feelings. All three of you PPs sound like bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't acknowledge it, stick the box in the garage and don't open it. Problem solved. Don't facilitate drama by doing the return to sender thing.

Okay, that's what I'll do. Certain she included DH on the text so she can follow up on its whereabouts. I guess I'll just have to tell him it must've gotten lost with all the covid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Garage, trash... or you could even send a hand-written thank you note so you're not inviting more electronic contact in return. But yeah, be the bigger person. And definitely don't open for a few days or a week if you even do open, just in case Covid...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

+1

Agree, and also agree that you need to grow up.

It actually upsets me that these people walk among us. OP sounds like a middle school drama queen.

You have no idea what her MIL did to deserve her feelings. All three of you PPs sound like bullies.

Thank you. Honestly I don't bother with these people who've obviously no experience with toxic people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

+1

Agree, and also agree that you need to grow up.

It actually upsets me that these people walk among us. OP sounds like a middle school drama queen.

You have no idea what her MIL did to deserve her feelings. All three of you PPs sound like bullies.

Thank you. Honestly I don't bother with these people who've obviously no experience with toxic people.

Np. We cant give advice if you dont tell us more. If you are going to do what you want why bother crowdsourcing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

You're lucky you don't have relatives like OP's MIL. No, she does not sound really horrible. You sound naive and blissfully ignorant.

Two things can be true: OP's MIL can be toxic and OP coming here to crowdsource the sh!ttiest way to respond to a gift from her MIL can be horrible. Just because toxic people exist doesn't mean everyone around them is a gem.

[Anonymous]

I mean, if she sent it to DH too so he would follow up, it kind of makes it sound like OP is the problem

[Anonymous]

Let the DH deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:C) None of the above. You be the kinder person and say thank you for thinking of you on your birthday and if you really don’t want it around, you donate it when goodwill is open again.

Being kinder than someone deserves is never the wrong choice.

DP - it really depends on the situation. I don't know OP's situation and maybe she's being overly harsh, who knows.

But I believe you have to teach people how to treat you. I had a family member say some absolutely unforgivable things to me, not apologize, and then try to get me to move past it by acting like nothing happened. NOPE. Want to reestablish contact? Be an adult, come to me with an apology and a heart to heart conversation about what happened and how we can move forward, and we can work to rebuild the relationship. Otherwise I'm a doormat and this person will think they can treat me however they want with no consequences.

NP. I get that it's entirely possible OP's animosity toward MIL is completely justified. But your post seems to indicate that-- and yes, I'm extrapolating here, because you did not address the question about the gift -- if OP accepts delivery and especially if she acknowledges the gift, she is being "a doormat" for MIL. Do I have that position correct?

I think that we do indeed "teach people how to treat us," as you say; however, we also need, to use another phrase, to take the high road for our own sense of self. I guess you'd say OP is a doormat if she simply acknowledges receipt of the gift and especially if she says thank you, though I agree with another pp that a rote thank you via text works.

If OP does and says nothing, and her DH does and says nothing, the MIL is likely to start asking if the package has arrived, why haven't they just said if it got there in one piece, etc., etc.

I'd tell OP simply to have her DH, who apparently does have some contact with his mom, text MIL and say,"Package you sent DW arrived yesterday. Thanks." It can come from him, if it's too much for OP to stomach even that level of contact. I'm NOT saying OP should contact MIL since we don't know what triggered the no-contact between them, but someone should acknowledge the package because (1) it might avert MIL pestering to know if it arrived, and (2) it's a very simple version of taking the high road, being the better person, whatever. Not a very high road, to be sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not getting into all of the reasons why I can't stand my MIL and refuse to have more than the most minimal necessary contact. I received a text message from MIL copying DH telling me about a gift she's sent me and when to expect it. I half expect it to be a blanket coughed on by a COVID-19 patient or similar.

Since I want nothing to do with this woman and definitely don't want to be perceived as accepting gifts from her, do I just write "return to sender" and put it back in the mailbox or do I just never acknowledge receiving it?

Look up grey rock.

I am doing it now, and it works wonders.

Or read this:

https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really horrible.

You're lucky you don't have relatives like OP's MIL. No, she does not sound really horrible. You sound naive and blissfully ignorant.

+1

[Anonymous]

Not enough information about your MIL or your DH to make a call. Is it your birthday? Are you not ever forgiving whatever her issue is and writing her off forever? WIthout any background, I’d probably have DH open it and take it from there. Worst case he can say “Yes Mom. It arrived. You know Wife is still angry because of XYZ so I opened it.”