Anyone Else Want to Stay Home with Kids After This?
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Anonymous
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Holy cow OP, your problem isn’t being a working mom. It’s working until 10 pm and having an abusive spouse you’re avoiding.
Get away from your spouse or work on fixing things and maybe find a decently paid but less hours job. This isn’t a working mom issue- it’s an unsustainable marriage and your avoidance of it by being at work and away from your spouse and also your kid. |
Anonymous
Even after this is over, you can learn from it and prioritize your weekends differently. He's telling you he'd rather spend time with you than on play dates and classes. |
Anonymous
He missed you. I would reconsider play dates and classes for a 2.5 year old on weekends and focus on family time. |
Anonymous
Op if this is you, I think you’ve more clearly identified what is probably making you both feel like this in this post, and I think it’s less working in general but your current situation. It sounds like your job is really intense and doesn’t leave much time for the downtime and connecting time together that you both really crave. I don’t think it’s as black and white as working or not working, another solution would be looking for a new position that gives you more flexibility, a regular 40 hour work week, if at all possible.i realize that is much easier said than done and don’t take that lightly. I say this as another working mom but with a very 40-45 hr per week job and I feel like I get serious quality time in both the mornings and evenings with my child and actually have felt really validated by this time at home because I used to question if I was missing a lot, but this time while lovely and cherished, has helped me see that the time I really prioritize with my flexible schedule is giving me much of that quality time anyway - I’m ok missing a couple hours in the morning, lunch and naptime for the huge long term benefits for us all of working. So I feel like it may be your specific position that isn’t giving you what you need. I know that a new job is so much easier said than done, but just don’t throw the baby out the bath water  I realize my privilege in being in a flexible position, but just want to provide perspective that it isn’t working in general necessarily.
The other thing I noticed is that you’re planning a lot of play dates and classes on the weekend. It seems like you’re realizing this but I truly think the go go pressure that us parents feel is so hard on our kids and relationships in the end. I have a 2 year old as well and we pretty much do no play dates and definitely no classes - I plan to avoid them as long as possible. Of course we see friends sometimes but it’s not for the intent for my 2 year old to have a play date - he has daycare all week. Weekends are for slow mornings, connecting, long walks or hikes, eating out at fun spots as a family or with friends, walking up to the farmers market, kicking balls in a field etc. Slowing down your weekends could give you much of the connection you’re feeling now so that you can find a better balance with work. I hope you hear my tone of this as encouraging, because that’s truly how I mean it - you can do this. Just fight against the push to go go go. Kids don’t need soccer at 2 or even 4. They need to connect with their family and explore their world. The beauty of that is we all benefit - less stress for you because you can relax together and for your kid too. |
Anonymous
He’s just home with one relative during the week so I thought he needed to see other kids so I’ve been very proactive in that so he’d get to socialize. |
Anonymous
Well OP doesn’t see him during the week because she comes home at 9-10 and travels. And on the weekend it’s all planned activities. This is an extreme. Most working moms of 2 year olds come home earlier, hang with their kids and eat with them, play with them and put them to bed. On weekends, they don’t drag them to activities. Maybe they sleep in and watch cartoons and cuddle. They aren’t harried. Op you are living at an extreme. Maybe you can step into a more balanced role at work and also make weekends more relaxed. |
Anonymous
Any way you can send him to preschool or daycare some of the time to get socialization? And then spend less time at work and spend time with just him after you get home at a reasonable hour? Do you need to work those hours? |
Anonymous
He will be going into preschool in sept so they will take care of some of the socialization. I do need to work those hours - they are not elective. |
Anonymous
What do you do for a living? Do you need the income? |
Anonymous
Research doesn’t support kids actually needing other kids for “socialization” until much later though I know most of us still feel this pressure. But I would try to solve this in better ways. In the fall he will be 3 and would probably enjoy some morning preschool. Even just a couple days a week. He’ll get the socialization piece while maintaining his relationship with the relative who cares for him who I’m sure is important to him. Then on weekends you can cut all activities and the vast majority of play dates and spend time as a family. I now see your abusive husband update - I’m very sorry. Therapy (just you, couples therapy with someone emotionally abusive is not a recommended place to start) might be helpful as you work through what to do next. Search for a position that gives you more time at home. You can do this. |
Anonymous
What? Where have you been for 16 hours per day mom thru fri and 24 hours per day on weekends????? |
Anonymous
K Street. We have a nice lifestyle my $ contributes to. Pretty sure we could keep it up on DH earnings but could not get better (v old house in nice neighborhood, we’d like to update etc). Also slightly unsure of DH earnings in this new world. My worry is that DH is emotionally abusive and I will get caught without having a means of escape. But missing my only son’s childhood seems so much more of a tragedy to me now. BTW I have no family income to rely on so it’s just me. |
Anonymous
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I love being a SAHM. I will admit that I am not the greatest housewife and I do not have a talent for that. So my DH cooks after putting a full day at work. Cleaning lady cleans, and I do the laundry, grocery, school drop, pickup, snack, bath, homework, Parent-teacher conf, school trip chaperone, EC activities and Drs appointments etc. My sole attention is being there for my kids. I am very good at that and I think that is what I was born to be.
I will say though that if we were unable to swing it financially, I would have worked. There is a fine balance that you have to tread where your staying at home does not cost your kid their college funds or you your retirement. Yes, you can choose to live frugally and all of that but there is also a question of job security. This is not a country that is just and equal. It is really not for the average person. |
Anonymous
Me too and he’s been the pleasant one. Occasionally when he’s lifted his head from the Xbox or his phone we have actually had conversations and even gone on a few walks. It’s been nice working from home since we usually don’t see each other this much. But my daughter? There have been a lot of arguments this week. That’s been a struggle. OP- enjoy the time with your son! I’m so sorry you are having a difficult time with your marriage. I’m sure the stress of this is making that even more difficult. |
Anonymous
| No. I have the best of all worlds (I think) with working from home and having an amazing nanny. I’d earn much more if I did WOH but it’s a good trade off for now. DS is two and I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything. Plus his nanny is a former teacher and has a different skill set when it comes to engaging and teaching him. |