Men: Would you agree to use an embryo from wifes’s prior marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but I'm adopted and the whole genetic ties aspect has never been a big deal to me. My baby is my baby regardless of whose DNA it's compromised of.

Compromised is a fitting term here

Ha oh geez. Wasn't paying attention. Composed of

[Anonymous]

Another man here. No. Assuming what you mean is you meet and fall in love with a man who is able to have children with his sperm and you say “honey I’d like to impregnate myself with my ex husbands sperm and have you and I raise the baby as our own.” I think that’s what you’re saying. I don’t think many men would be up for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another man here. No. Assuming what you mean is you meet and fall in love with a man who is able to have children with his sperm and you say “honey I’d like to impregnate myself with my ex husbands sperm and have you and I raise the baby as our own.” I think that’s what you’re saying. I don’t think many men would be up for that.

Yeah, I am seeing that. Totally fair, I get it. It does seem like a double standard though because many women use donor eggs. But I suppose this comes down to innate differences between men and women. I would use a donor egg for one kid and hope he would be willing to use donor sperm (my embryo) for another, but I get that this is likely not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another man here. No. Assuming what you mean is you meet and fall in love with a man who is able to have children with his sperm and you say “honey I’d like to impregnate myself with my ex husbands sperm and have you and I raise the baby as our own.” I think that’s what you’re saying. I don’t think many men would be up for that.

Yeah, I am seeing that. Totally fair, I get it. It does seem like a double standard though because many women use donor eggs. But I suppose this comes down to innate differences between men and women. I would use a donor egg for one kid and hope he would be willing to use donor sperm (my embryo) for another, but I get that this is likely not going to happen.

No. It comes down to the difference between the donor gametes coming from a stranger versus your spouse’s ex-spouse. Would you be willing to bear your future husband’s ex-wife’s baby, if he came into your marriage with embryos? It opens up a whole can of worms.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I would not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another man here. No. Assuming what you mean is you meet and fall in love with a man who is able to have children with his sperm and you say “honey I’d like to impregnate myself with my ex husbands sperm and have you and I raise the baby as our own.” I think that’s what you’re saying. I don’t think many men would be up for that.

Yeah, I am seeing that. Totally fair, I get it. It does seem like a double standard though because many women use donor eggs. But I suppose this comes down to innate differences between men and women. I would use a donor egg for one kid and hope he would be willing to use donor sperm (my embryo) for another, but I get that this is likely not going to happen.

I don’t see the double standard? I think people use a donor egg where the wife doesn’t have viable eggs. Just like you might use someone sperm If the husband’s sperm is not viable. That’s not the situation you are presenting I think. Plus of course the complication that it’s your ex husband, which I think is the next level of analysis. The first level analysis is if you and new husband can have your own baby then do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you regret more, never being a parent or never remarrying? If you want to be a parent, have a baby now on your own. It will be easier for you to find a divorced dad to marry later on than someone excited about your giving birth to your ex’s baby.

This. If you have a baby (or babies) on your own you'll be just like any other divorced woman with kids from her ex-spouse.

[Anonymous]

I think you could persuade your future partner by describing it as a last option, if you can't get pregnant naturally or with technology.

Don't forget that the embryo will grow up with 50% of the genes from your ex. He or she may inherit some behavioral or physical traits. You and your partner might be totally fine with that... or not.

[Anonymous]

Man here: I don't think its black and white issue. If you have embryos, my understanding is that its already half yours half your exes. If you were not able to conceive at that point and I really wanted kids, I would look at all the options (donor egg, adoption, etc.). The financial aspect and legal issues could also play some role in deciding. In reality, when raising kids, genetics only matters before the kids come. If you like kids, it doesn't matter who the biologic parents are.

[Anonymous]

If you’re going to ask your new partner to raise your ex’s child, why not make it fair and just adopt a child, that won’t be genetically either of yours’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you regret more, never being a parent or never remarrying? If you want to be a parent, have a baby now on your own. It will be easier for you to find a divorced dad to marry later on than someone excited about your giving birth to your ex’s baby.

This. If you have a baby (or babies) on your own you'll be just like any other divorced woman with kids from her ex-spouse.

Except that other divorced women who had children with their ex-spouse had those children during the marriage, and their ex-spouses are co-parenting. Has OP’s ex signed away his parental rights? Is there a legal avenue for him to change his mind in the future? Can OP really predict how this will turn out?

[Anonymous]

Man here. Nope, no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you regret more, never being a parent or never remarrying? If you want to be a parent, have a baby now on your own. It will be easier for you to find a divorced dad to marry later on than someone excited about your giving birth to your ex’s baby.

This. If you have a baby (or babies) on your own you'll be just like any other divorced woman with kids from her ex-spouse.

Except that other divorced women who had children with their ex-spouse had those children during the marriage, and their ex-spouses are co-parenting. Has OP’s ex signed away his parental rights? Is there a legal avenue for him to change his mind in the future? Can OP really predict how this will turn out?

She said in her original post that her soon to be ex-husband had signed off on the embryos completely, but the bolded is something I would want to be 100% sure on before I used those embryos, whether I was single or married.

OP, if you have embryos already frozen, does that mean you have fertility issues? I mean, I'm just confused in this scenario.If you have known fertility issues and want to have a child, I think you should go for it on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you regret more, never being a parent or never remarrying? If you want to be a parent, have a baby now on your own. It will be easier for you to find a divorced dad to marry later on than someone excited about your giving birth to your ex’s baby.

This. If you have a baby (or babies) on your own you'll be just like any other divorced woman with kids from her ex-spouse.

Except that other divorced women who had children with their ex-spouse had those children during the marriage, and their ex-spouses are co-parenting. Has OP’s ex signed away his parental rights? Is there a legal avenue for him to change his mind in the future? Can OP really predict how this will turn out?

She said in her original post that her soon to be ex-husband had signed off on the embryos completely, but the bolded is something I would want to be 100% sure on before I used those embryos, whether I was single or married.

OP, if you have embryos already frozen, does that mean you have fertility issues? I mean, I'm just confused in this scenario.If you have known fertility issues and want to have a child, I think you should go for it on your own.

I’m not sure it is legally possible to sign away your parental rights to children who do not yet exist. I have a feeling OP’s ex has only given permission to OP to make decisions over the future use of the embryos, as far as the fertility clinic is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you regret more, never being a parent or never remarrying? If you want to be a parent, have a baby now on your own. It will be easier for you to find a divorced dad to marry later on than someone excited about your giving birth to your ex’s baby.

This. If you have a baby (or babies) on your own you'll be just like any other divorced woman with kids from her ex-spouse.

Except that other divorced women who had children with their ex-spouse had those children during the marriage, and their ex-spouses are co-parenting. Has OP’s ex signed away his parental rights? Is there a legal avenue for him to change his mind in the future? Can OP really predict how this will turn out?

She said in her original post that her soon to be ex-husband had signed off on the embryos completely, but the bolded is something I would want to be 100% sure on before I used those embryos, whether I was single or married.

OP, if you have embryos already frozen, does that mean you have fertility issues? I mean, I'm just confused in this scenario.If you have known fertility issues and want to have a child, I think you should go for it on your own.

I’m not sure it is legally possible to sign away your parental rights to children who do not yet exist. I have a feeling OP’s ex has only given permission to OP to make decisions over the future use of the embryos, as far as the fertility clinic is concerned.

It really depends on the state. Arizona just passed a law that an ex can use embryos against the wishes of the former spouse depending on the nature of the original contract, but also relinquishes that parent of all child support.