Are birthday party politics really so intense or is this a DCUM thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good birthday party gets miss of respect and is soon forgotten. But a bad one will be remembered for awhile and gossiped about for awhile too. Proceed accordingly. By age seven, no one cares.

This is not true. All birthday parties are forgotten a day or two after they happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till your kid gets older.

OP. Honestly, this is my point. I don't have perspective on this.

It's DCUM. This place is not real life. In real life, I've found people to be helpful, welcoming and very understanding. DCUM represents a small segment of the population, and unfortunately, it's not the best segment.

[Anonymous]

It's fine, OP. It really depends on the community you live in. I get the feeling a lot of DCUM people are from wealthier communities. We're in a pretty diverse school (both racially and socioeconomically) and b-day parties are note a big deal at all, and never have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For normal people, no one cares. It's 2 hours of entertainment and cake for your kid and then you go home. Bonus points if I can also snag a piece of cake. If you find yourself gossiping about the tacky favors at Jimmy's 5th Bday party 3 months ago you really need to reassess your life.

SO TRUE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine, OP. It really depends on the community you live in. I get the feeling a lot of DCUM people are from wealthier communities. We're in a pretty diverse school (both racially and socioeconomically) and b-day parties are note a big deal at all, and never have been.

It's this, plus all the lawyers (and wanna-be lawyers). The DC area attracts alot of people who are into making sure that everyone "follows the rules". They like authority and imposing their will on others. It's interesting to observe once you're aware of it.

[Anonymous]

I don't live in the area and my kids are in their twenties so take it for what it is worth. I think I maybe hosted 2 kid parties for each child during their entire elementary years. We had the money, it just wasn't a thing. I always sent a snack into school (pre no snack or peanut phase) to celebrate and we had grandparents etc at a home party. I never considered an "invite the whole class" party" or included parents and God forbid, siblings. Friend type parrties started when kids were 7 or 8 years old.

This was typical experience for birthdays. What has happened? It's not just more money. Are you guilt ridden from working all week or are you trying to keep up?

[Anonymous]

DCUM thing. Never been to a party where there wasn't food for parents if they stayed and never have gotten an invitation that said no gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait until that family shows up with 2-3 older siblings to your party. I remember having a party for my then 4yo and the dad brought 2 older siblings plus their nanny. I had exactly 24 kids expected and had opened 3 packs of 8 favors. I was stressed about the favors.

Or when your kid wants to have an escape room party who can hold only 12 people so you have to either cut his friend from preschool who you have invited every year or the friend from scouts or your neighbor or the kid your mom has known since you were a toddler and did everything together.

Meh... we had that happen where a nanny brought 4 kids and others brought friends we didn't invite deliberately. I don't do favors but the food can be an issue as some places don't let you order extra food. I had 15, maybe 20 extra kids plus adults show up (or didn't RSVP) and I had to have a huge debate with the venue to call in for more pizza as they wouldn't let me directly. We ended up spending twice as much as planned but oh well, it was fun to have that many kids. The next year I just picked a venue where you pay for the venue and bring your own food so 35-40 kids and parents was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until that family shows up with 2-3 older siblings to your party. I remember having a party for my then 4yo and the dad brought 2 older siblings plus their nanny. I had exactly 24 kids expected and had opened 3 packs of 8 favors. I was stressed about the favors.

Or when your kid wants to have an escape room party who can hold only 12 people so you have to either cut his friend from preschool who you have invited every year or the friend from scouts or your neighbor or the kid your mom has known since you were a toddler and did everything together.

Meh... we had that happen where a nanny brought 4 kids and others brought friends we didn't invite deliberately. I don't do favors but the food can be an issue as some places don't let you order extra food. I had 15, maybe 20 extra kids plus adults show up (or didn't RSVP) and I had to have a huge debate with the venue to call in for more pizza as they wouldn't let me directly. We ended up spending twice as much as planned but oh well, it was fun to have that many kids. The next year I just picked a venue where you pay for the venue and bring your own food so 35-40 kids and parents was no big deal.

I don’t care about the cost. I personally hate those jump and zava zone type giant party places that can accomplish 30-40 kids. I have always been inclusive when kids were younger. House parties are even worse. I don’t want too many kids at my house and we have a 10,000+ sf house.

My friend once had a party at a venue and invited kids to a nearby restaurant. Families were inviting dads and siblings and extended family members to come out to eat on my friend’s dime. It was so rude.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people don't know how to be an adult.

They don't know how to plan a party. (how much pizza?)
They don't have confidence in their decisions. (party favors good enough?) (party location good enough?)
They don't know how to say no. (no siblings)

So then these issues come up and they don't know how to deal.

[Anonymous]

The main issue I've seen is the pressure to invite the whole preschool class, so then it becomes a space issue and you have to find a large enough venue. At least for birthdays in cold weather months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For normal people, no one cares. It's 2 hours of entertainment and cake for your kid and then you go home. Bonus points if I can also snag a piece of cake. If you find yourself gossiping about the tacky favors at Jimmy's 5th Bday party 3 months ago you really need to reassess your life.

This.
There are a lot of threads on DCUM about birthdays - and most are just people venting in an anonymous forum. Or have no idea what venues to look at (key for winter birthdays with young kids). Otherwise don’t stress about what’s written on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until that family shows up with 2-3 older siblings to your party. I remember having a party for my then 4yo and the dad brought 2 older siblings plus their nanny. I had exactly 24 kids expected and had opened 3 packs of 8 favors. I was stressed about the favors.

Or when your kid wants to have an escape room party who can hold only 12 people so you have to either cut his friend from preschool who you have invited every year or the friend from scouts or your neighbor or the kid your mom has known since you were a toddler and did everything together.

Meh... we had that happen where a nanny brought 4 kids and others brought friends we didn't invite deliberately. I don't do favors but the food can be an issue as some places don't let you order extra food. I had 15, maybe 20 extra kids plus adults show up (or didn't RSVP) and I had to have a huge debate with the venue to call in for more pizza as they wouldn't let me directly. We ended up spending twice as much as planned but oh well, it was fun to have that many kids. The next year I just picked a venue where you pay for the venue and bring your own food so 35-40 kids and parents was no big deal.

I don’t care about the cost. I personally hate those jump and zava zone type giant party places that can accomplish 30-40 kids. I have always been inclusive when kids were younger. House parties are even worse. I don’t want too many kids at my house and we have a 10,000+ sf house.

My friend once had a party at a venue and invited kids to a nearby restaurant. Families were inviting dads and siblings and extended family members to come out to eat on my friend’s dime. It was so rude.

Must be nice to be rich and selfish. We have a 1000 square foot house so no parties in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only kid is 1. We did a small family thing for her first, so I haven't had any experience in kids birthday parties yet.

There are so many threads here - do we need extra pizza, what's the "best" birthday spot, are these favors good enough, omg so and so is bringing a sibling, etc. etc. Not judging - as I said, I don't have any experience in this to judge - but are birthday parties really such a big deal or is this a DCUM thing? I genuinely don't think I'd care what someone serves at a birthday party or if the favors are good enough/nonexistent. I guess I thought a kid's birthday party would be a pretty casual thing (clearly that's wrong).

They’re stressful because unless you have a lot of kids you’re in new territory every year. (“How do I entertain a bunch of 4 yos/6yos/11 yos?). Plus they are surprisingly expensive. A “simple” backyard party I threw cost about $500 when I added up the food, favors, cake, etc. I just threw a venue party and it was more. People want advice for any big purchase.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if you are hosting a birthday party, it is a big deal. DD has a Christmas birthday and when you invite the whole class, it's a lot to plan. Esp for winter birthdays. Those places get filled up fast!

If you are having a few people over to your house, it's prob. not a big deal.