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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do you make a 4 year old listen to you & follow rules/do things without reminders? Our 4 year old needs to be reminded almost everyday where he should put his backpack/shoes/jackets etc once we come home. He just lay them on the floor. [b] He needs to be reminded it is time to go to bed, it is time to brush teeth, it is time to eat lunch etc. [/b] We always have to remind him to wash hand after potty because he often skips it. We have to help him out to clean the toys because he forgets & he DOES NOT WANT to clean up toys. Is it an age thing that things will get better once he gets older or it is our parenting issues? I & DH feel like we are his nannies, and keep nagging about him all day. We want him to grow up & more independent. And, I have been thinking [b] should I put poster/signs everywhere in the house [/b] (e.g. a sign to wash hand after potty next to bathroom faucets (remind me of the restaurant one), a sign saying this is the place to put shoes/jacket) to remind him. I think it may work, anyone do that? Or any other recommendation?
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Most four year olds can't tell time, so how is he supposed to know it's time to go to bed? He doesn't have the same sense of time that an adult would, because he's only four, and his world is much narrower than yours. He sees what's in front of him, and even being asked to wait 10 minutes to do something fun can seem like a lifetime to him.

And unless he can read, signs won't help. If he's running to get back to his toys after using the bathroom, he won't notice a picture next to the sink. You can create checklists for all the things he needs to do to get ready for school or bed, but you'll still need to work through every step with him. ("Great, you got your pajamas on, let's put a check in that box! Now what do we do next?")

Routine and gentle reminders are the best way to go. ("You did a good job taking off your shoes when we came in, but then I think you forgot something. What do we do with our jackets?") If he refuses to do what he's told, that's a different story, and there should be natural consequences for disobeying a direct order (I asked you to put your toys away but you ran out of the room, so you won't be able to play with those toys tomorrow). But repetition is really the only way to instill those elements of daily life we take for granted as adults.

You say you feel like his nanny, but realistically, that's why nannies (and parents!) "nag" all day: because it's the only way to get through to young kids. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, with nagging tones and irritated voices, though. It can be a positive thing, just a little nudge to help him move from one stage of his day to the next. Transitions in general can be tough for kids this age, so he may need a bit of preparation if he has trouble shifting gears: "You can play with your Legos for ten more minutes, and then it will be time to wash your hands for lunch." Then he won't be blindsided when you tell him to finish putting that minifigure together, then go wash his hands.

Also, most four year olds don't have the executive functioning skills to complete multi-step tasks like "clean your room" or "get ready for bed." They get overwhelmed and don't know where to start, especially if they were engrossed in something else when you told them, so you need to be specific: "OK, it's time to clean your room now. Why don't you start by putting all the blocks back into the bin?" Or ask him where he would like to start. "Time to get ready for bed. I laid your pajamas on your bed, so please go put them on."

There's a great series of books by Louise Bates Ames, one for each year, that give a good overview of what's developmentally appropriate for each age and how to adjust your parenting as your child grows. You might consider getting a copy of "Your Four Year Old," just to get a better sense of what your child should be capable of at this age, and how you can help him achieve it. [/quote]

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