Corollary between sexless marriages and one or both partners letting themselves go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in great shape. 5’11”, 175 pounds and low body fat. I look great for 45. So does my wife. 5’6” and 125 pounds and a dancer. She has no sexual interest in me.

Exercise increases libido, so thats not her problem. Sounds like a bait and switch.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been together 20 years and have never been overweight -- but have varied from being in super fit shape (like right now) to being that "carrying 10 extra winter pounds DC style).

When we are going through our particularly motivated phases (like right now - we've been on a super work out kick for a year), it's also motivated us to buy nice clothes, keep our hair maintained, etc. And i notice the whole thing is inspiration for us to have a bit more sex than usual. Like, we look super hot for our 40s so let's get it on. Maybe 4 times a week instead of twice a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these things related, or is this an unfair conclusion to draw?

OMG Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Yes, totally unfair.

Why do you care??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. My wife put on 40 pounds but I would have still been totally into her if she’s been into me. Plumbing and sexy is a-OK. Plump and sexless is just sad.

And no, i’m not overweight myself.

So if she has the right plumbing, you are ready to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in great shape. 5’11”, 175 pounds and low body fat. I look great for 45. So does my wife. 5’6” and 125 pounds and a dancer. She has no sexual interest in me.

A dancer? How could she not be interested? I've always found like the other PP that when working out, sex becomes more important. And dance is so creative, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in great shape. 5’11”, 175 pounds and low body fat. I look great for 45. So does my wife. 5’6” and 125 pounds and a dancer. She has no sexual interest in me.

I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in great shape. 5’11”, 175 pounds and low body fat. I look great for 45. So does my wife. 5’6” and 125 pounds and a dancer. She has no sexual interest in me.

A dancer? How could she not be interested? I've always found like the other PP that when working out, sex becomes more important. And dance is so creative, too.

I’m not picking on this guy because nobody knows what’s going on there. But it’s not just about looks or libido. Marriage is complex. Relationships are complex. I’m not sexually attracted to my husband because he relies on alcohol to deal with negative feelings and anxiety. I view him as weak. I don’t want to have sex with a weak man. When he’s sober, he’s sexy and attractive. When he’s drunk he’s a pathetic baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in great shape. 5’11”, 175 pounds and low body fat. I look great for 45. So does my wife. 5’6” and 125 pounds and a dancer. She has no sexual interest in me.

A dancer? How could she not be interested? I've always found like the other PP that when working out, sex becomes more important. And dance is so creative, too.

Obviously she is in perimenopause. How could you all not figure that out? Libido is hormonal. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My wife put on 40 pounds but I would have still been totally into her if she’s been into me. Plumbing and sexy is a-OK. Plump and sexless is just sad.

And no, i’m not overweight myself.

So if she has the right plumbing, you are ready to go?

Not sure if you are making a joke or just didn't catch that "plumbing" was a typo (or autocorrect.) He's saying "plump and sexy is a-OK."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in great shape. 5’11”, 175 pounds and low body fat. I look great for 45. So does my wife. 5’6” and 125 pounds and a dancer. She has no sexual interest in me.

A dancer? How could she not be interested? I've always found like the other PP that when working out, sex becomes more important. And dance is so creative, too.

Obviously she is in perimenopause. How could you all not figure that out? Libido is hormonal. Duh.

Also, as already established, women lose sexual interest in their spouses after many years. They feel terrible about it but it's biological. There are many things you could both be doing about this. OP, you gave the one tidbit of information that makes us feel sorry for you (and sure, if everything else is great, I do too), but my guess is there is a LOT going on in your relationship that we don't know about that could exacerbate things.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. We’ve been married 17 years. Both are fit and average the same frequency that we did when we got married. Sometimes its great sometimes it just gets the job done (for both of us). But after spending time reading on dcum I feel very fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My wife put on 40 pounds but I would have still been totally into her if she’s been into me. Plumbing and sexy is a-OK. Plump and sexless is just sad.

And no, i’m not overweight myself.

So if she has the right plumbing, you are ready to go?

Not sure if you are making a joke or just didn't catch that "plumbing" was a typo (or autocorrect.) He's saying "plump and sexy is a-OK."

Thank you.

FWIW, I have a tiny bit of hope. She was taking a medication that both made her put on weight and dropped her sex drive and orgasmic ability off a cliff. She's off the medication now and most of the weight has melted away. My hope is that her libido/orgasms come back someday too.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I don't want a hall pass. I love her. But damn, do I miss sex.

[Anonymous]

^ good for you pp. your wife is making an effort which is good. It’s also great that you actually want your wife as opposed to a hall pass. You sound like a real husband who’s willing to work with his wife for a win/win. Good for you.

[Anonymous]

I can only speak from my male perspective but yes- when my wife doesn’t want me, it affects me emotionally and say “f it, pass me that box of donuts.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My wife put on 40 pounds but I would have still been totally into her if she’s been into me. Plumbing and sexy is a-OK. Plump and sexless is just sad.

And no, i’m not overweight myself.

So if she has the right plumbing, you are ready to go?

Not sure if you are making a joke or just didn't catch that "plumbing" was a typo (or autocorrect.) He's saying "plump and sexy is a-OK."

Thank you Captain Obvious.