Generosity of a friend with Applepay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids should understand that you can’t just take and take from other people, it isn’t right.

Agree. Also, at some point the other person will get resentful and it’s pretty weak to say “but you always offered.” Think about the people on here complainng about non reciprocated invitations? Social relationships aren’t one sided. Your son is going to lose a friend over being greedy.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, that is a lot of cash for his friend to be spending on your kid.

Agree that you need to tell your kid that this is not okay.

The kids are 11, not 16. Definitely something that can be stopped at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids should understand that you can’t just take and take from other people, it isn’t right.

Agree. Also, at some point the other person will get resentful and it’s pretty weak to say “but you always offered.” Think about the people on here complainng about non reciprocated invitations? Social relationships aren’t one sided. Your son is going to lose a friend over being greedy.

I have to disagree with this. I am one of those parents who give my eleven years old Applepay. I am very fortunate that I've done extremely financially. My kid's best friend come from a working class family so my kid spends a lot of money on his friend and I don't have any issues with it. My kid does not expect anything in return and his friend is very appreciated of that. Kids are smart and they know if they are being taken advantage by friends. Let kids be kids.. OP should not talk about this to his parents because I am sure they already know and don't have any issues with this.

[Anonymous]

I bet the parents are thrilled he has a friend to hang out with him at starbucks. They must be in a jam with part-time child care (which is so hard to find!) or a younger kid that has pickup at the same time on the other side of town. I e had a similar problem but our school wont let an 11 year old just walk to starbucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugghhh. I guess anyone who gives an 11 year old Applepay and doesn’t watch it closely deserves this, but still... there is a good chance the mom doesn’t know. .

Even a small Starbucks habit is $30 a week, which is $120 a month. And with boys with no budget, it’s probably $40 a week or more. It’s expensive. And a dessert and a Frappuccino is a lot of sugar and probably caffeine. I would put a stop too it, both because it’s too much money to accept and because it’s really bad for your kid.

Contact the other mom. Praise her kids generosity, tell her that you’d be glad to repay what is owed. And that your kid can’t accept gifts in the future because... sugar and caffeine make him hyper, he has some dietary limits, whatever. Give your kid a monthly Starbucks budget and a gift card in that amount. If he can only get 1 pastry or 1 Frappuccino every week or every other week, so be it. He can ask for Starbucks cards for his birthday or spend his allowance on it.

It’s really tacky to say “your kids been treating mine. Is that okay”? It puts pressure on the other mom to say yes. And even if she does, and means it, are you really okay with your kid freeloading what could be $100-200 of Starbucks a month? Apparently you are, but... it’s tacky.

Lots of people can’t afford unlimited Starbucks. Lots of people can, but limit themselves because it’s unhealthy. Most of us limit ourselves somehow— just stop on Monday mornings, or get the less expensive drink, or get the drink and not the pastry, or whatever.

There will always be kids who can afford things your kid can’t, or get things you don’t want your kid to have. $300 jeans, a new car, no supervision spending the night with a girlfriend. Might as well learn to say no now.

For some people, $40/week at Starbuck is a lot. For others, they can drop $145K/yr for 3 kids at private schools without breaking sweat. 11 years old kids from wealthy families do not care about other kids's background when they become friends with other 11 years old. They become friends because they get along and they will buy things for their friends if the friend can't afford them without hesitation. That's the beauty about being kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely talk to the other mom. And what are 11 year olds doing stopping off for a snack at Starbucks??? I’m in a different world I guess.

The Starbucks near my kids school is crawling with kids ordering frappuccinos and pastries. Their allowances must be $$.

You must be referring to the two Starbucks on Chain Bridge of Mclean. That place is crawling with kids ordering frappuccinos and pastries because of $$$ parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids should understand that you can’t just take and take from other people, it isn’t right.

Agree. Also, at some point the other person will get resentful and it’s pretty weak to say “but you always offered.” Think about the people on here complainng about non reciprocated invitations? Social relationships aren’t one sided. Your son is going to lose a friend over being greedy.

I have to disagree with this. I am one of those parents who give my eleven years old Applepay. I am very fortunate that I've done extremely financially. My kid's best friend come from a working class family so my kid spends a lot of money on his friend and I don't have any issues with it. My kid does not expect anything in return and his friend is very appreciated of that. Kids are smart and they know if they are being taken advantage by friends. Let kids be kids.. OP should not talk about this to his parents because I am sure they already know and don't have any issues with this.

Yes let kids be kids including their parents managing their Starbucks budget. I would be horrified to learn you were knowingly allowing this. Especially if, like OP, I did not know.

[Anonymous]

Your son needs to learn to say “no”.

Just because your friend offers to pay every time does not mean you accept.

[Anonymous]

Buy a Starbucks gift card and tell your son to take turns treating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugghhh. I guess anyone who gives an 11 year old Applepay and doesn’t watch it closely deserves this, but still... there is a good chance the mom doesn’t know. .

Even a small Starbucks habit is $30 a week, which is $120 a month. And with boys with no budget, it’s probably $40 a week or more. It’s expensive. And a dessert and a Frappuccino is a lot of sugar and probably caffeine. I would put a stop too it, both because it’s too much money to accept and because it’s really bad for your kid.

Contact the other mom. Praise her kids generosity, tell her that you’d be glad to repay what is owed. And that your kid can’t accept gifts in the future because... sugar and caffeine make him hyper, he has some dietary limits, whatever. Give your kid a monthly Starbucks budget and a gift card in that amount. If he can only get 1 pastry or 1 Frappuccino every week or every other week, so be it. He can ask for Starbucks cards for his birthday or spend his allowance on it.

It’s really tacky to say “your kids been treating mine. Is that okay”? It puts pressure on the other mom to say yes. And even if she does, and means it, are you really okay with your kid freeloading what could be $100-200 of Starbucks a month? Apparently you are, but... it’s tacky.

Lots of people can’t afford unlimited Starbucks. Lots of people can, but limit themselves because it’s unhealthy. Most of us limit ourselves somehow— just stop on Monday mornings, or get the less expensive drink, or get the drink and not the pastry, or whatever.

There will always be kids who can afford things your kid can’t, or get things you don’t want your kid to have. $300 jeans, a new car, no supervision spending the night with a girlfriend. Might as well learn to say no now.

Exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your kid about being a mooch.

This

[Anonymous]

OP, I would talk to the parent just to get the feeling if they are ok with that much spending.
Second, I would talk to my child about Starbucks every day habit -- it can't be healthy, unless he is getting a cup of unsweetened ice tea, lemonade or plain black coffee.

My kids grew up around a lot of rich kids (large private school that they attended on financial aid). Rich kids can be generous (we had iPods, iPads, iPhones, designers bags, designers clothes as present given all the time, even though we are more $20 gift givers). I would talk to the kid about navigating this situation. It is ok to accept generous gifts from good friends (for some people, it is truly not a big deal), but it is no ok to be a freeloader. There is a fine line, and your child should learn it.

I also disagree with the advise of giving your child a gift card so he can reciprocate. If you can afford it, yes, do it. But if Starbucks is not something that you would spend money on (it is too price for me as a daily treat, but I can splurge on it once a month), I would not do it .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids should understand that you can’t just take and take from other people, it isn’t right.

NP +1

If someone offers, you can accept once or maybe twice if they're a good friend and you really don't think they mind, but you can't keep taking. That's really not okay.

I'd be uncomfortable with my kid accepting something like that even once. If it happened twice then I'd definitely be paying attention. If it happened three times then I'd be making sure we're paying the family back in some way (not necessarily financially) in return. But then again, I'm not a taker, so...

[Anonymous]

Please PARENT your child! Your snowflake got angry because you said he needs to reciprocate and crowdsourcing is your reaction? Do what you think is right. Either limit the Starbucks visits or make your kid pay. Your DS doesn't get to decide. Why are people afraid of their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely talk to the other mom. And what are 11 year olds doing stopping off for a snack at Starbucks??? I’m in a different world I guess.

The Starbucks near my kids school is crawling with kids ordering frappuccinos and pastries. Their allowances must be $$.

You must be referring to the two Starbucks on Chain Bridge of Mclean. That place is crawling with kids ordering frappuccinos and pastries because of $$$ parents

So is the one at Lee Heights and the Lee Harrison one was a mob house until it moved.