How to go about this date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meet online this Indian IT guy and suggested to meet at a coffee place.
On the day of a “date” I told him I will be waiting at the lobby. 10 minutes into the “date” I texted him I will be leaving shortly in case if he is running late as I have other things scheduled on that day. He texts he is walking around isles in the adjacent store. ???? We finally meet and spend about 25 minutes remaining talking about IT stuff. He came with his “Starbucks” cup I didn’t order since time was scarce (for dates I book 45 min to maintain my schedule.)
He texts me right after the date “you are busy woman”, I suppose it was instead of “nice meeting you, etc.”.
He seems to like to text a lot which I am reluctant to entertain within given “environment”. He asked to meet again sometime soon. He is available on mid week and weekend and overall flexible schedule/telecommute. I suggested I have availability to go for a dog walk with me (set schedule every evening or meet later for dinner at the inexpensive Asian place. He agreed on a walk (windy, cold weather). It didn’t work out since my neighbor asked to join with her dog to discuss her things and I had to re-schedule the “date” for next day. Again offered walk with me or diner. He agreed on walk with me. Later I checked the snow/rain forecast and suggested we go to a restaurant/café. He felt reluctant on eating out idea: “Ohh, ok”.
What was it? Lack of dating experience? Lack of organization? Lack of finance to get your date coffee or take to a cheap café? Is it cultural? How to go about it?

There's so much wrong with YOU in this scenario I"m not even sure where to begin. First off, why mention his nationality? How is that relevant?
Why did you have so little time?
Why did you commit to meet him for such a stupid date (dog walk in Jan) and then last minute cancel for your neighbor? You're flaky.
You have him on a restricted schedule with little time.
You read too much into a text message. ( “Ohh, ok”.)
You're the one who reeks of lack of dating experience, organization, social skills, or finances. Buy your own damn coffee.


--woman who wouldn't want to date you either.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are a good match. He sounds maybe a little clueless but you sound a bit hyper about all this. I'd leave more than 45 minutes in your schedule for a date - maybe consider choosing a different night if you only have that much free time one night.

I wonder if he is not that eager to spend money on a date he's pretty sure won't go anywhere. I'd let this one go.

[Anonymous]

You have routines that you have zero interest in adjusting.
Good for you, but there are typically two people involved in a dating scenario. You should just make your dates aware of your schedule right up front and hopefully someone will be willing to fill in a 45 block here and there on YOUR SCHEDULE! No one will ever get to truly know you taking that path.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter why. You two are not a fit, so just move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound unavailable with all your schedules. Also, why would you let your neighbor go on a date? That is so strange on your part.

Frankly with your attitude, the guy knew you weren’t all in to going on a date and so feeling younout.

Also, why mention the guy’s ethnicity? What does that have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

English isn't your first language so why are you so focused on him being an Indian IT guy?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a lot of work without enough payoff.

[Anonymous]

The proposed dog walking date sounds awful for several reasons. It's really cold out, and who wants to watch their date pick up a dog's poop?

[Anonymous]

You definitely have your own issues, but why did you agree to the second date? He was late for the first date, you were annoyed that he didn't buy you coffee (rightly or wrongly, but still), and you talked about IT stuff. Let this one go.

[Anonymous]

Wait... you considered him going with you to dog walk a date?? If you keep doing shit like this you'll never get a date.

[Anonymous]

You should stay single.

Saying this as a married woman.

[Anonymous]

Summary:
-OP tells her date to meet her in a lobby, where she has set aside 45 minutes, at which point she MUST depart for other things
-Apparently OP made a big deal about her tight schedule, because her date sent a post-date text about how busy she is
-OP's date wants to meet again and says his schedule is wide open, so naturally OP invites him to join her on a scheduled dog walk/poop pick-up
-OP then bails on her date because she wants her neighbor to join her for the dog walk instead, and invites her date to meet up with her the next day... for a dog walk/poop pick-up
-Next, OP suggests changing the plans to dinner instead of a dog walk/poop pick-up. Her date is feeling uneasy because of OP's rigidity and selfishness.

See that, OP? Your date is trying to be flexible and accommodating and you are being extremely rigid and selfish (this is what works for MY schedule, oh wait let me change our plans because I want to pick up dog shit with my neighbor instead, etc.).

OP, your date isn't making any special effort because of your rigidity and selfishness.

[Anonymous]

So if you met neighbor on dog walk, the date was probably already on his way to meet you. You are incredibly rude.

A dog walk isn’t a date. It is cold out. What the hell.

I haven’t been single for 20 years and still think you suck, OP. I hope you are at least hot.

[Anonymous]

I'm not the OP but I think the people responding are just as rude. There's no reason to say "You suck" and "I wouldn't want to date you" to the OP.

Geez.

To the OP - it sounds like there is a language barrier and perhaps also a cultural barrier.

You haven't said if you are interested in this fellow. Do you think he's nice, is he attractive to you?

Is dating a priority for you right now? Because dating and relationships take a lot of time and energy. If right now isn't a good time because your life is too busy then wait until you have more time and can prioritize dating. No one wants to feel like they're being slotted in to fit into whatever time is convenient. They want to feel like they matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the OP but I think the people responding are just as rude. There's no reason to say "You suck" and "I wouldn't want to date you" to the OP.

Geez.

To the OP - it sounds like there is a language barrier and perhaps also a cultural barrier.

You haven't said if you are interested in this fellow. Do you think he's nice, is he attractive to you?

Is dating a priority for you right now? Because dating and relationships take a lot of time and energy. If right now isn't a good time because your life is too busy then wait until you have more time and can prioritize dating. No one wants to feel like they're being slotted in to fit into whatever time is convenient. They want to feel like they matter.

I can understand slotting only 45 min for an initial meeting. Guy either has potential or not. If the guy was a dud, I would not want to waste my time either.

But to make a second date as a walk outside picking up poop, canceling for a really bogus reason, rescheduling and changing that date too.