What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I would totally talk to the teacher and possibly the Mom depending on how well I knew her.

I am so thankful my brown kid goes to a school with a lot of other brown kids, because stuff like this hasnt come up.

[Anonymous]

I would mention it to the mom if your kids are friends-but please don’t automatically assume it’s her fault. As a white mom, I would absolutely want to know if my kid said something like that, but sometimes kids say things to test limits and provoke reactions. It’s not ok, but it also doesn’t mean they’re being taught it at home. Especially given that he is making poop comparisons-that’s a boy thing not an adult racist thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

+1
I've found that the ones who are quickest to start braying that everyone is "too sensitive" etc are the ones whose kids are spewing racist comments they heard at home. They need to be given the message that it's still not okay. Probably too late for the parents but not the kids.

[Anonymous]

Of course you talk to the school, WTH PPs? This needs to be nipped in the bud before it becomes a school wide thing. The classroom teacher can work on addressing without calling out the particular name caller or victim (esp if there are at least some other minority students of any type).

[Anonymous]

I would talk to the teacher. Some are very responsive and will find a way to shut it down through stories and other shifts in classroom culture. As for your son, this is a good time to talk to him about what makes a good friend. Ask him if he would ever tell someone else / the other boy the equivalent of what was said to him. Get him some books about diversity. There’s a good book called People by Peter Spier. Lots of others if you google.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

I'm the first PP you are quoting. I am not awful. I have a brown-skinned child. The way he is mistreated because of his skin color is just too overwhelming to address on an individual basis. I talk to him about the ways of the world. It's sad he has to know that but it's reality. A child should not have to deal with anything but a perfect world and yet here we all are. My job is to be my child's guide in the world. It's not my job to teach everyone else's kids how to act -- besides being impossible. We have better things to do.

Racism is part of life. I help my kid deal with it. I can't change the world to one he "deserves" to live in but I can help him thrive in this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

+1
I've found that the ones who are quickest to start braying that everyone is "too sensitive" etc are the ones whose kids are spewing racist comments they heard at home. They need to be given the message that it's still not okay. Probably too late for the parents but not the kids.

Oh, I didn't see this post before I responded to the "You are both awful post" or I would have responded here instead. I have a brown skinned child. F U for describing me as "braying." I seriously doubt you are capable of raising kind, accepting children of any race with an attitude like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

I'm the first PP you are quoting. I am not awful. I have a brown-skinned child. The way he is mistreated because of his skin color is just too overwhelming to address on an individual basis. I talk to him about the ways of the world. It's sad he has to know that but it's reality. A child should not have to deal with anything but a perfect world and yet here we all are. My job is to be my child's guide in the world. It's not my job to teach everyone else's kids how to act -- besides being impossible. We have better things to do.

Racism is part of life. I help my kid deal with it. I can't change the world to one he "deserves" to live in but I can help him thrive in this one.

You need to do more and be a better advocate for your child if you think this is the right approach. Stand up for your kids! No POC I know would let this slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

I'm the first PP you are quoting. I am not awful. I have a brown-skinned child. The way he is mistreated because of his skin color is just too overwhelming to address on an individual basis. I talk to him about the ways of the world. It's sad he has to know that but it's reality. A child should not have to deal with anything but a perfect world and yet here we all are. My job is to be my child's guide in the world. It's not my job to teach everyone else's kids how to act -- besides being impossible. We have better things to do.

Racism is part of life. I help my kid deal with it. I can't change the world to one he "deserves" to live in but I can help him thrive in this one.

If you are the mom of a brown skinned child and know what they face why are you accusing the OP’s child of possibly lying?
I am the mom of a biracial child who posted above and I agree with you that we cannot do anything about racism and that we should just make sure our children are not suffering in the most racist of environments (we moved our child to a different school and we are very watchful about anything else coming up) but I somehow wonder how you could be so unsympathetic if you understand what the OP and her child are going through.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. Indian American here myself and while we've dealt with a few issues here and there, our family is lighter complicated and get mistaken for Latin all the time, even from other Indians. I can imagine how hurtful it would seem to you. I would encourage him that we're all different in good ways, as well as give him ways to respond back - obviously not going by anything derogatory like the other kid is. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

I'm the first PP you are quoting. I am not awful. I have a brown-skinned child. The way he is mistreated because of his skin color is just too overwhelming to address on an individual basis. I talk to him about the ways of the world. It's sad he has to know that but it's reality. A child should not have to deal with anything but a perfect world and yet here we all are. My job is to be my child's guide in the world. It's not my job to teach everyone else's kids how to act -- besides being impossible. We have better things to do.

Racism is part of life. I help my kid deal with it. I can't change the world to one he "deserves" to live in but I can help him thrive in this one.

If you are the mom of a brown skinned child and know what they face why are you accusing the OP’s child of possibly lying?
I am the mom of a biracial child who posted above and I agree with you that we cannot do anything about racism and that we should just make sure our children are not suffering in the most racist of environments (we moved our child to a different school and we are very watchful about anything else coming up) but I somehow wonder how you could be so unsympathetic if you understand what the OP and her child are going through.

Huh? Where did I say her child was lying? I said the OTHER child was an idiot. This is how I would handle it with my own child -- there are a lot of idiots out there, and this kid is one of them. Not worth "scarred for life" over IMO.

[Anonymous]

I would start by emailing/talking with the teacher. Depending on how that interaction went, consider whether it's worth talking to the principal/administrator and the counselor.

My heart goes out to you, OP, and I hope the school is able to address this in a direct and meaningful way. You are correct that kids say things (and often they have no concept of the context/subtext) but the school should have tools in place to support your kid (and also, the other non-white kids who may have heard similar comments without sharing them with parents at home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my biracial (black/white) daughter OP. It started at the same age. She started saying she hated being brown and having curly hair. Transpired Her classmates were telling her she was covered in mud and looked like a warthog (they were studying them at school) because of her curry hair and brown skin. During black history month someone asked her if her grandparents had chains around their necks. She became so despondent that, in her own 5 year old way , she said “I don’t want to be alive because I don’t know how to be happy being brown”. She called all black people ugly.
It’s a very long and extremely painful story but we eventually, after a year of talking to the school, decided to move her to a private school where she was not the only brown person and it’s made the world or difference.
In these situations it’s very hard to bring about change because most of the comments made are by children who are just not used to people different from them and are curious. No one has explained these differences. If there is no one else like them they bear the brunt of these comments and it can be very damaging. I was advised by the school social worker, off the record, to remove her from the school because where these situations had arisen before they often got worse not better.
I hope you have a better experience than we did and are able to resolve the situation within the current school.

No one has explained the differences because if we try to talk to our white kids about black kids then we're racist. But of course they aren't blind so they see the differences and they aren't deaf so they hear the differences too. And I just hope like heck that they aren't in a room one day and blurt out something that goes through their head while they try to figure things out for themselves.

While the differences can't be discussed, the similarities can't be discussed either, and it stays some sort of Big-Thing-That-Can't-Be-Talked-About. And there will never be unity in this country with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

I'm the first PP you are quoting. I am not awful. I have a brown-skinned child. The way he is mistreated because of his skin color is just too overwhelming to address on an individual basis. I talk to him about the ways of the world. It's sad he has to know that but it's reality. A child should not have to deal with anything but a perfect world and yet here we all are. My job is to be my child's guide in the world. It's not my job to teach everyone else's kids how to act -- besides being impossible. We have better things to do.

Racism is part of life. I help my kid deal with it. I can't change the world to one he "deserves" to live in but I can help him thrive in this one.

You need to do more and be a better advocate for your child if you think this is the right approach. Stand up for your kids! No POC I know would let this slide.

I go to bat for my kids 100% of the time -- and that includes talking to them when that makes more sense than anything else. You have to teach your children to navigate the real world. I doubt you have any experience with this or you would know you'd be wasting a lot of time putting out small fires over and over and getting nowhere if you addressed every stupid comment a 6 year old made, instead of equipping your kids with the skills they need to succeed in the real world. My kids won't be scarred by whatever comment someone decides to say about them. We don't give others that power, and neither should the OP's child. There are small minded, mean people in the world. My kids are going to succeed despite them, not only if and when others change for the better.

[Anonymous]

I would send one email to the teacher with a CC to the counselor. I would explain what happened in a polite but matter of fact way; I would conclude the message with a request to speak with the appropriate person at school to hear how they planned to address the issue.

I would also equip my kid to handle future situations. I have a handful of kids who have dealt with asshat bullies. I talked it through with them and armed them with appropriate comebacks. Feeling prepared boosts confidence.