Overwhelmed and conflicted

[Anonymous]

Just a quick perspective about sleep/stress/etc. Everyone is different. Every baby is different. The first few months were hard and the regressions were also very hard, but for the most part, we did sleep. In fact, after the first few months, I probably got more sleep than I did before because I prioritized it and went to bed! This isn't true for everyone, but for me, it was. My daughter also wasn't one of those magic babies that slept through the night at 8 weeks either, we had a 2am wake up till about 8 months, but my body got in the habit of waking up, nursing her, and going back to sleep. When I felt anxious, that did keep me up, when I didn't things were okay. I know this seems hard, but take pregnancy and then motherhood as it comes. You will sleep, read, exercise, cook, (whatever your interests are) again. The first year was hardest, but there was also a lot of joy there. Being around my husbands relatives/out of our routine did (does!) stress me out so your SIL may not have been in the best place.

I'm about to do it all again, and am scared too! It's normal. Don't feel guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

I was the same! I really didn't get excited until the second trimester. The first trimester I was in a daze and didn't want to think about anything. Its ok. just take it a day at a time.

[Anonymous]

Those feelings didn't stop for me until my baby was close to 6 months and even then, they didn't stop but the bond with my baby began to take over.
It's normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came back from Christmas with ILs feeling incredibly overwhelmed. We made the mistake of telling family at 8 weeks after ultrasound because during Christmas all I got was discussion left and right about the baby even though psychologically I’m trying to maintain some distance in case we don’t make it to second trimester. And then since my SIL has a 10 month old I keep getting advice on which stroller to buy and what to do about bottle. How hard it is going to be. How I won’t sleep. It was constant and now I’m freaking out. Ive been focused on just lining up daycare waiting list and that’s the most I can stomach right now. I’m not ready for these other things yet. I’ve never felt so conflicted in my life. On one hand, I’m terrified of not making it to the second trimester and on the other hand, I’m so scared of having a baby now and all the stress that is awaiting me that I think I’ve made a terrible mistake and just want to not go through with this. I was up all night worried that this planned baby was a huge mistake.

Please tell me that others have felt this way.

Your SIL is knee-deep in one of the hardest phases of parenting, and everything she said is probably true for her, right now. But she's not you, and you have a long time and a lot of road before you get to where she is now, at which point she will be at a different place as well and may have different ideas about things.

You are doing the right things by taking care of yourself and lining up daycare. You don't need to be worrying about stress in the future right now. There will be plenty of time for you to worry about it later.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, despite her being planned and wanted, I was absolutely terrified and had about a week of feeling like it was a big mistake. I was 8 weeks pregnant during the 2016 presidential election, which hit really hard for both DH and me, and I spent that whole week being certain that it was a mistake to get pregnant again. Those feelings were completely legitimate, but they also passed. I do not regret either of my children and it was not a mistake to have them. There are many things about having two kids that feel overwhelming when they are happening. They are 6 and 2, so they are basically little lunatics all the time. Yesterday was particularly bad. But you know what? At 7:30, when they were both in bed, DH and I kind of just collapsed on the couch laughing about it. Then when everyone woke up this morning, they were sweetness and light. It is like that a lot of times - just when you feel completely tapped out, something lovely happens and you're like, OH RIGHT THAT IS WHY I LIKE THIS.

Hang in there. Take care of yourself. It'll be okay.

[Anonymous]

People focus on baby stuff because it's new and intense -- but it doesn't last. Barring some kind of delay, every kid learns to sleep, learns to eat, learns to use the toilet. All the stuff they are telling you about, is only relevant for the first months or perhaps 2 years at most. Parenting is way more than that!

People share the difficult newborn things (like not sleeping) because they are trying to create a bond and make themselves available for questions. It would be terrible if everyone pretended to have a perfect sleeper while secretly being exhausted! People want you to know that whatever you go through, you are not the only one.

The information can be overwhelming. It can feel like an invasion of privacy, too. You can absolutely say, "I'm not ready to talk about the baby yet" and change the subject. But, you will be okay. Congratulations and good luck!

[Anonymous]

You guys are the best. Thank you so much for validating my feelings. Now 11 weeks and 3 days! -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People focus on baby stuff because it's new and intense -- but it doesn't last. Barring some kind of delay, every kid learns to sleep, learns to eat, learns to use the toilet. All the stuff they are telling you about, is only relevant for the first months or perhaps 2 years at most. Parenting is way more than that!

People share the difficult newborn things (like not sleeping) because they are trying to create a bond and make themselves available for questions. It would be terrible if everyone pretended to have a perfect sleeper while secretly being exhausted! People want you to know that whatever you go through, you are not the only one.

The information can be overwhelming. It can feel like an invasion of privacy, too. You can absolutely say, "I'm not ready to talk about the baby yet" and change the subject. But, you will be okay. Congratulations and good luck!

this + 1000!

It's a very intense, and temporary, time. Many new parents only share their terrors as a bonding experience - I know I am very vocal about my challenges because I felt very isolated and alone when I was struggling with PPD in the midst of winter thinking I was a horrible mom b/c i wasn't happy (after fertility struggles and wanting it so very badly) - when in reality i was having very common feelings and challenges that arise from being a new mom and facing new hurdles in my marriage. Growth is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are the best. Thank you so much for validating my feelings. Now 11 weeks and 3 days! -OP

Woot! You got this, OP!

[Anonymous]

It doesn't take much to make you freak out, does it?