Overwhelmed and conflicted

[Anonymous]

I came back from Christmas with ILs feeling incredibly overwhelmed. We made the mistake of telling family at 8 weeks after ultrasound because during Christmas all I got was discussion left and right about the baby even though psychologically I’m trying to maintain some distance in case we don’t make it to second trimester. And then since my SIL has a 10 month old I keep getting advice on which stroller to buy and what to do about bottle. How hard it is going to be. How I won’t sleep. It was constant and now I’m freaking out. Ive been focused on just lining up daycare waiting list and that’s the most I can stomach right now. I’m not ready for these other things yet. I’ve never felt so conflicted in my life. On one hand, I’m terrified of not making it to the second trimester and on the other hand, I’m so scared of having a baby now and all the stress that is awaiting me that I think I’ve made a terrible mistake and just want to not go through with this. I was up all night worried that this planned baby was a huge mistake.

Please tell me that others have felt this way.

[Anonymous]

It’s okay, op! Yes, a baby is a big change in your life, but you’ll be fine!! Don’t freak out about the stuff. You have months ahead of you before you need to worry about that. Look for some apps for pregnancy meditations. They can help quiet your mind and clear out your overwhelming thoughts.

[Anonymous]

This is all totally normal. You'll be fine!

[Anonymous]

OP, I say this very tongue in cheek, as I know you’re hurting at the moment, but you’ve just learned two very important parenting lessons: 1. Never tell anyone anything about your parenting if you don’t want their opinion on it, and 2. Everyone has an opinion, and they’re going to tell you, whether it’s solicited or not.

[Anonymous]

That's totallllly normal and people love to get too involved in other's life so don't worry and just enjoy your pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

I thought I had made a big mistake after becoming pregnant with #1 and again with #2. Both were planned and very much wanted. I stopped feeling that way within a few days and went on to enjoy the pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t even conceived a baby and I am filled with terror all the time.

[Anonymous]

Same. I never could get excited about my pregnant first even though she was incredibly wanted. I LOVE children and I love being a mom. But I never love my fetuses or am able to bond with them. Also, your SIL is in a rough place. With all of my kids, the first year was tough and I felt like I couldn't breath, particularly around Christmas as it's the most stressful time of year.

[Anonymous]

Good lord! You are a grown woman who had unprotected sex and got pregnant. So it can't be a surprise. Also, you have about a million other women in the same boat. They aren't snowflakes and neither are you. You are going to be responsible for another human being who will be totally helpless for quite some time with only you to depend upon, so GROW UP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! You are a grown woman who had unprotected sex and got pregnant. So it can't be a surprise. Also, you have about a million other women in the same boat. They aren't snowflakes and neither are you. You are going to be responsible for another human being who will be totally helpless for quite some time with only you to depend upon, so GROW UP!

And you’re a fully grown jerk. Becoming a mom is a big scary transition. It’s okay for people to feel their feelings.

[Anonymous]

I totally get it. I am going from 1 to 2 and freaking out, but I know it will be okay because I am getting a baby. Raising a child is hard, but the love they give and watching them grow up is worth it. Sometimes my daughter is a jerk and I can't believe I'm doing this again, but most of the time she is hilarious and a great person. If you want your SIL to STFU then tell her to, you need help, not criticism because it truly takes a village. DCUM has become a part of my village and I love you all for it <3, even though some of the advice is bitchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! You are a grown woman who had unprotected sex and got pregnant. So it can't be a surprise. Also, you have about a million other women in the same boat. They aren't snowflakes and neither are you. You are going to be responsible for another human being who will be totally helpless for quite some time with only you to depend upon, so GROW UP![/qu



And you’re a fully grown jerk. Becoming a mom is a big scary transition. It’s okay for people to feel their feelings.

+1000

[Anonymous]

OP, your SIL is wrong. She hasn't finished the baby phase yet so she doesn't know it gets better. The first few months (though it was a year for me) can be grueling. After years of fertility treatments, I finally had a much-awaited baby. I remember thinking one night at around 3 weeks, "What have I done! I'll never sleep again!" Sleep deprivation can really make you crazy but that phase didn't last.

It's okay to put baby planning away for a while and focus on your current life. If your family presses you, you can just be honest that you don't feel comfortable discussing it until 2nd trimester for obvious reasons.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord! You are a grown woman who had unprotected sex and got pregnant. So it can't be a surprise. Also, you have about a million other women in the same boat. They aren't snowflakes and neither are you. You are going to be responsible for another human being who will be totally helpless for quite some time with only you to depend upon, so GROW UP!

My my, it’s just like a snowflake to get SO offended.

[Anonymous]

After you see a HB at 8 weeks, you are very likely to take home a baby. That’s when we told family. Congrats!

I hate people who say, “just you wait bc this sucks more than you know” about anything. It’s a way to make themselves feel superior. It happened when I went to college, to grad school, bought a house, had a kid, had a second, had a third, got a dog, etc. Each thing was a transition but none of them were as bad as the complainers would have had me believe. You got this, Op!