No Man's Land Between Dating and a Booty Call

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for giving me hope for my 50's! Dating is already so weird in my 40's. Isn't it nice to know there is still great passion ahead of you?

Enjoy!! Sounds like early stage dating to me, with a huge bonus of great sex.

Important point - this fun scenario is much more likely in your late 40s/50s/60s if you are not trying to get married or move in together and blend families, holidays, assets and pets. At least in DC

[Anonymous]

Sounds like dating to me.

He's already indicated that he's exclusive (even if he hasn't expressed that he wants you to be as well). My current relationship began almost exactly the same way, except we met online, but the same instant connection, chemistry, and intellectual fit. It's been about a year now and I-love-yous have been exchanged so it's definitely possible.

Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your input. It's been a few years since my divorce. Never thought I would have romantic feelings again. Not like this. So, yes, there is hope for us ladies who are not so young anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for your input. It's been a few years since my divorce. Never thought I would have romantic feelings again. Not like this. So, yes, there is hope for us ladies who are not so young anymore.

Just enjoy it and don’t set unrealistic expectations. Romantic feelings are great but you’re not 23 and looking for marriage and starting a family. Some romance, companionship and great sex is great with no need for a lifetime commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No Man's Land might be worth it. I'm just overwhelmed. I have never experienced sex like this and find it very hard to reconcile that love can include hot sex. Because it's never happened to me before. I had no idea what I was missing out on. I mean, I know we're not at love but it could go there. I've only ever had "good enough" sex.

Love can include hot sex. It's all I've ever had in my several (4) adult, longer-term, relationships. It's always hotter when you can share emotional intimacy even while going down town like a tiger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for your input. It's been a few years since my divorce. Never thought I would have romantic feelings again. Not like this. So, yes, there is hope for us ladies who are not so young anymore.

Guy 54: yes there is hope!

[Anonymous]

A booty call is not all bad! I’m 57, divorced, an empty nester and I have a job that requires long hours and a good amount of travel. I have a FWB and we get together about once a week and it’s mostly for sex. He’s extremely gifted in that regard which is why I keep going back. I accept that it’s a booty call but I’m OK with it. It would be nice to be in a real relationship but until then........

[Anonymous]

Op, could you please share how you met this man? So many women in their 50’s don’t even know where to start looking...

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, could you please share how you met this man? So many women in their 50’s don’t even know where to start looking...

Thanks!

Guy : I met her online, similar experience to OP. Only regret is why now and not 30 years ago. No intention of getting married, blending or living together etc etc.

[Anonymous]

I’m 41, married with 3 kids.

What you have sounds lovely. Just enjoy it.

I know when I was younger, my friends would often wonder where the relationship was going aka could be be the one? I’m assuming you both already have kids and/or don’t want more.

[Anonymous]

This is great! Congratulations on finding joy in your new growing relationship. I met my BF on An app, we had mind blowing sex on our second date, and almost two years later we’re head over heels in love. We were in our 40s when we met, and the depth of the connection and passion about knocked us both over.

Relax, enjoy it. This is the fun stuff!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, could you please share how you met this man? So many women in their 50’s don’t even know where to start looking...

Thanks!

OP here. Met at fun bar/restaurant during the day. Made pointed eye contact with him. Basically challenged him to approach. He did. Asked for my number. Voila!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been spending time with a guy for the last six weeks. We met IRL and he took my number. Went on first date and there was chemistry I have never experienced in my 50 years. He is 58. Within minutes of arriving at our venue, we could not keep our hands off each other. It was surreal. There seemed to be a mental/emotional connection as well. He asked alot of questions about my life. Date ended with passionate kissing. 3 days later went on another date and got intimate. Blew my mind. Never thought anybody could have this passion toward me at this age nor I toward them. We continue to see each other but only once or twice a week. He still takes me to dinner, holds my hand in public. Says he only sees one woman at a time. Of course, who knows? I've been pretty over anxious and expressed my concerns in very undiplomatic ways. Most guys would probably have run but he always makes things right. Can great sex really blind people (men and women) to what is really going on? I have never experienced what is happening right now. It's like the sex is so great, how could love ever come from that?

OP, I could have written your post, only I’m 38. Maybe we welcomed this gift into our loves; show appreciation. I’m always humbled by it after so much pain I overcame from the past. Would you question your worthinesss for great chemistry and mutual loyalty at 78, even if you were as active as say, Nancy Pelosi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a somewhat similar boat - 53 and very surprised to be in a new relationship with sex that is off the charts wonderful. But I'm financially independent and enjoy my single life and taking it to the next level is not something I'm thinking about other than being exclusive. If we see each other a couple of times a week and we are exclusive I don't care if it's dating or a booty call.

You're NOT the OP, correct?

OP, read the post above. Tell your FWB what the PP above says, if it's true for you too. Tell him that you're having a great time and wherever this is or isn't heading, you want it to continue, but want to discuss making the sex exclusive. I'd tell him bluntly that he doesn't need to fear that you're backing him into a corner seeking marriage; you are independent and enjoy being independent and living on your own, but you do want sex to be exclusive. See what he says and does. If he cools off and backs away, you know he's not interested in keeping the sexual relationship exclusive OR he does not believe you when you say you're not trying to back him into marriage/partnership/whatever else.

If he doesn't believe you when you're being frank and adult about your standards for having sex exclusively with each other -- he is "keeping his options open" and thinks he wants to pursue, or is already pursuing, sex with other partners. If he hems and haws and is evasive, he is in the "options open" status. Up to you if you are going to be OK with that. If you are, tell him so. You are both too old (and I'm older than you, OP, so I feel free to say this) to mess around with vague butterflies. Enjoy whatever it is. But if he won't be exclusive on your generous, no-strings terms, that would be a red flag that he's after just the sex, and that will cool eventually. That's fine, if you're fine with it, truly.

[Anonymous]

There’s a booty call, which is just meeting up for sex. The next level up is friends with benefits, where you actually talk about stuff going on in your lives, and may/may not involve affection outside of sex. Then there’s dating, which is casual or exclusive. You are dating. Stop overthinking and enjoy it! Maybe see a therapist to find out why love=Bad sex.