Feeling Upset..
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Anonymous
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It's ok for you to have feelings about her seeing other people while you weren't. You're only human and it's a natural reaction. But at least you acknowledge in your OP that you can't be mad at her for that.
She immediately agreed that she wanted to be exclusive, right? Now it's up to you to decide if you can move past this. She is ready to move forward. Are you still ready? If not, you need to be honest with her and then with the next woman. You need to speak up when you want to be exclusive and set expectations from the beginning if you're not so no one is surprised to hear about other dates later on. Lesson learned. |
Anonymous
Honestly, you sound extremely passive aggressive. You brought up exclusivity and she agreed to become exclusive with you as soon as you brought it up, but you've decided you're still hurt that she wasn't exclusive with you when you acknowledge that you two weren't exclusive, and you're trying to call her a slut here because your feelings are hurt? |
Anonymous
Op, you should have brought it up in a non demanding way after the first month. As a woman, it’s hard to know whether to focus on one guy, or wait till he brings up exclusivity. A lot of men waste women’s time, dating women they aren’t that into. It’s good to tell a woman that you aren’t seeing other because you want to focus on her and see where things go. |
Anonymous
This sounds about right. If she was having "lots of sex" with OP, she must have been having lots of sex with the other men she dated, which is slutty. I'm curious about what made OP ready to be exclusive after a month. Was it the sex? |
Anonymous
You now realize these were mistakes, right? If you had been dating other women - like she had - this whole time, you'd be in a much better place right now. You'd probably also realize how not-special and easily replaceable this woman is that you're all butthurt over, too. |
Anonymous
I’ve posted previously saying op should have brought up exclusivity sooner if he wanted that. I don’t think the above were mistakes. I think relationships develop better if men act just how op has in terms of focusing on one woman and not dating a bunch of women at once. That’s the best way to act, in my opinion. But op should have told the woman that he was not dating others and was focusing on her. Then she likely would not have dated others. |
Anonymous
| Also op - now she is choosing you! And who knows what she did or felt about this other guy. Clearly she likes you better. |
Anonymous
Who did OP call her a slut? All he said was that he was upset about her dating someone else while he felt she was enough for him. Stop naming it more than it is. Stop making men the bad guy. Grow up or get some cats. |
Anonymous
| dude, she was riding the carousel. You may be a better option at the moment but she sounds like a monkey brancher. |
Anonymous
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OP is why I’m not a fan of dating do’s and don’ts, sex is expected without the emotional and social protections most people need. It never fails to amaze me when posters say “Why didn’t you discuss *this* before marriage” and then advise people to “take it slow” “don’t rush things” “don’t pressure” in the dating phase of a relationship.
It is impossible to have a successful relationship if the people involved are told they can’t or shouldn’t have necessary conversations. It’s like a realtor showing someone two bedroom apartments in the city when their client says they want a four-bedroom farmhouse. Both living styles do the same thing, shelter, warmth, a place to go when you want to go home, but the lifestyles involved are incredibly different. Posters are correct, there are a lot of men that waste women’s time using business, privacy, travel, all deemed to be socially acceptable for them to keep their options open. Some women do this too. If you still want to date this woman, do it. If you can’t based on what you know now, tell her that and let her go. Lastly, and I have to ask because I really want to know, what did you think she was doing with her time when she wasn’t with you? What exactly did she say when she wasn’t with you? Thinking back to when my husband and I were dating, I always knew what he was doing when we weren’t together. What I mean is if he said he was with friends, he told me their names and what they had all done. I did keep my ears peeled for women’s names and how he talked about them so that I could evaluate if he was someone I felt comfortable with. I didn’t want him claiming a woman was just a friend only to find out they were also dating, or worse, she thought they were. He has female friends, I am ok with that, but I needed to know that I was his main priority if we were going to date. No way was I willing to be the “cool girlfriend). This was useful for him to know too should we marry, he needed to know and deserved to know what sort of behavior and relationship I wanted to have and to decide if he wanted the same. I’m sure he did the same evaluation criteria on me. I don’t believe at any point, he told me “I was with friends” or “I have plans” without telling me what they were and then referring back to them, i.e. “The movie was great” “My dad told me the best joke when I saw him” that sort of thing. Before you decide, think about how you treated her when you weren’t together and how she treated you. If you were vague and made her think she wasn’t your main priority, don’t be surprised that she did the same. Finally, my dad gave me advice that has served me well, nobody owes you anything, but you are in no way obligated to sit home waiting for a girlfriend or boyfriend to decide they want to come over. If they have an activity they are doing and have told you they don’t want you there, consider yourself single and spend your time as you see fit. Your time and energy matters, so don’t wait for anybody, often literally. His rationale is that life will provide you plenty of time to do things on your own, there will be movies your partner won’t want to see, family they won’t want to see, things they can’t attend because they are home with a cold, and that you should default to wanting your romantic partner with you as much as possible. If you don’t, or they don’t, think about why you are in a dating relationship with this person. |
Anonymous
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Op, how old are you both?
Personally when I was ready to settle down I dated multiple ppl at once if I wanted to. I had way too many 3-4 month relationship that suddenly disappeared when I wanted to get more serious. At a certain point, it made sense to keep my options open. Online daty gas really xgany things, and for many there a sense of endless supply, everyone is keeping options open, etc It sucks that you didn't know but you also made an assumption based on your behavior, not hers. She immediately agreed to become exclusive and she was honest. Don't punish her for not confirming to your assumptions. If you can't handle non exclusive dating, make that clear in the beginning |
Anonymous
| Get over it. She chose you. She will regret it if you act insecure. Enjoy tomorrow and stop worrying about yesterday. |