Feeling Upset..

[Anonymous]

I have been dating a wonderful woman for close to 3 months now. I'm ready to become exclusive and see what can evolve from it. I causally asked her if she was dating others and what she thought of us becoming more serious. She said she has been dating someone else - very unexpected, but wants to become exclusive. I know we weren't exclusive and I can't be mad at her for that, but we have hung out more than the traditional " once a week date". We have been going on dates 2-3 times a week since the fourth date. We have had lots of sex each time. It makes me upset to think that time didn't mean that much to her as it did to me.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. That must really hurt.

[Anonymous]

You are JUST NOW ready to become exclusive. She also is. Why is this making you upset that BEFORE being exclusive she saw other people?

[Anonymous]

Op, if you wanted to be exclusive YOU should have raised the topic sooner. I agree with your feelings and I would be hurt too. But here is the deal. Many women are tired of men jerking them around and wasting their time. So some women have decided that if a man has not raised exclusivity, they will keep dating other men so as not to waste time with one guy who may or may not be serious. My current boyfriend was into me and asked to be exclusive and take our profiles down on date four or five. So I did. Had he waited and been non committal, I might have kept dating other people you should t have waited three months to talk about it if you wanted her to stop dating others sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating a wonderful woman for close to 3 months now. I'm ready to become exclusive and see what can evolve from it. I causally asked her if she was dating others and what she thought of us becoming more serious. She said she has been dating someone else - very unexpected, but wants to become exclusive. I know we weren't exclusive and I can't be mad at her for that, but we have hung out more than the traditional " once a week date". We have been going on dates 2-3 times a week since the fourth date. We have had lots of sex each time. It makes me upset to think that time didn't mean that much to her as it did to me.

So why didn’t you bring up exclusivity sooner?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't want to bring up exclusivity too soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating a wonderful woman for close to 3 months now. I'm ready to become exclusive and see what can evolve from it. I causally asked her if she was dating others and what she thought of us becoming more serious. She said she has been dating someone else - very unexpected, but wants to become exclusive. I know we weren't exclusive and I can't be mad at her for that, but we have hung out more than the traditional " once a week date". We have been going on dates 2-3 times a week since the fourth date. We have had lots of sex each time. It makes me upset to think that time didn't mean that much to her as it did to me.

You guys are not compatible. Time to break it up.

Really, OP? You were not ready to be exclusive before this, but you expected her to be? You are too traditional for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't want to bring up exclusivity too soon.

Well that was a mistake if this is the way you feel.

Look I get it. I tend to be monogamous too and want that very early on. But there have been times when I’ve kept dating others (not having sex tho) because I wasn’t sure how the guy felt about me. And women don’t like wasting time. Did you meet online and if so when did you take your profile down? I have a rule now that if the guys profile is still up, I’m dating whoever else I want. If a guy wants to see me exclusively, he needs to say that. One thing you can do if you don’t want to pressure a woman too soon is to tell her that you are taking your profile down because you want to concentrate on dating her only. You can phrase it in a way that you are t pressuring her to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating a wonderful woman for close to 3 months now. I'm ready to become exclusive and see what can evolve from it. I causally asked her if she was dating others and what she thought of us becoming more serious. She said she has been dating someone else - very unexpected, but wants to become exclusive. I know we weren't exclusive and I can't be mad at her for that, but we have hung out more than the traditional " once a week date". We have been going on dates 2-3 times a week since the fourth date. We have had lots of sex each time. It makes me upset to think that time didn't mean that much to her as it did to me.

You guys are not compatible. Time to break it up.

Really, OP? You were not ready to be exclusive before this, but you expected her to be? You are too traditional for her.

OP here. I was ready to become exclusive after a month ( 4 dates) when I could see it going somewhere. I didn't want to bring exclusivity up too early. I have not gone out on a date or talked to another woman since about a couple of weeks before I met her. She has been the only one I've been dating.

[Anonymous]

Men want to keep their options open, but they get mad when women are enjoying themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't want to bring up exclusivity too soon.

Well that was a mistake if this is the way you feel.

Look I get it. I tend to be monogamous too and want that very early on. But there have been times when I’ve kept dating others (not having sex tho) because I wasn’t sure how the guy felt about me. And women don’t like wasting time. Did you meet online and if so when did you take your profile down? I have a rule now that if the guys profile is still up, I’m dating whoever else I want. If a guy wants to see me exclusively, he needs to say that. One thing you can do if you don’t want to pressure a woman too soon is to tell her that you are taking your profile down because you want to concentrate on dating her only. You can phrase it in a way that you are t pressuring her to do the same.

OP here. We met through a mutual friend at their birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men want to keep their options open, but they get mad when women are enjoying themselves.

OP said he hasn’t dated anyone since having met her. Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Op, if you want an exclusive relationship, then you have to bring it up. There is no too soon if that is what you want. There is nothing wrong with wanting monogamy in a dating relationship. If a woman is going to dump you because she wants to sleep around while she dates you, you will know you aren't compatible.

After a date or two, there is nothing wrong with saying that you would like to keep seeing you but not if she is also seeing other people.

Same goes for women. Have the conversation early on before feelings get involved.

At this point, you see yourself as dating her and she just sees you as an option in a pool of others who might be date worthy. your feelings are farther along than hers. She may catch up or realize that she isn't all that into you once the other guys are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men want to keep their options open, but they get mad when women are enjoying themselves.

You sound like a peach.
Enjoy your cats.

[Anonymous]

Op, how about being a grown-up about this?

(you don't even know what behavior went on w/these other dates)