Can SAHM & WOHM be friends?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s easier for adults with different schedules to be friends than it is for children with different schedules. I’m a SAHM who is friends with mostly WOHM friends, but also some SAHMs. When I have a moms’ night out with my friends, I really look forward to kid-free time, adult conversation, getting dressed up, going someplace for dinner that my kids wouldn’t like, staying out late. However, it’s hard to schedule play dates for my kids with WOHMs, because they want weekend play dates and I don’t. If my kids are too young to be in school yet, then I am around my kids 24/7, so on the weekends, dh and I trade off sleeping in, the kids like staying in their pajamas for a while after they get up, and we’ll want to do something as a family. It’s nice to be able to split childcare responsibilities with dh or let the kids have a bit of screen time while I get a break. It’s a dynamic that would be ruined by adding more children to the mix. The last thing I want after parenting solo 24/7 M-F is to have even more children to watch on the weekends. A play date on Tuesday afternoon means my house will be cleaner (I’m more lax about picking up on the weekends), and that’s a day I’m in kid mode all day. I feel like it would be rude of me to accept your invitations for weekend play dates, but then only offer to reciprocate on weekdays, which you can’t accommodate, and I don’t want to host play dates on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Definitely harder to schedule play dates. But being friends? Of course.

I have friends who WOH, but that doesn't describe my "mom / dad friends". Those are mostly my pre-kid friends. Some also have kids but we mostly get together on our own for kid-free time.

I'm primarily a SAH but do work part time from home. Even with my flexible hours I have a hard time with full-time SAHM and scheduling...I get the reaction you describe ("OMG how do you do it??!") and I only work part time! I just move along...those usually aren't my people (and are usually the super duper Pinterest-mom types). The "mom / dad friends" who are like "Oh cool - what days & times work for you?" are my people...easy and casual. They'll come over for a couple-few hours and we chat and have coffee while the kids play. If I have to take a work call or check email, they hang out for a few minutes alone with the kids and just chill; if we're at their home and they want to make a call or whatever, I do the same for them. Super super easy friendships.

[Anonymous]

Your title is misleading. What you are describing is your kid liking their kids and you are not able to do playgroups on weekdays because you work. That’s not the same as “be friends.” I have tons of SAHM friends and I work full time. However, I’m not able to join their for day trips or play groups because I work. Generally people don’t like to meet up on weekends because it’s family time. Since you work full time, you also know it’s our time to catch up with kids, chores, and grocery shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For sure yes. I have an amazing nanny who takes my 3yo to playdates with mostly SAHMs and they are fine with her, and she is fine with them.

I am friendly with some of the moms and we will go to dinner without the kids sometimes, or meet for coffee on occasion. I think the key is to try to build some kind of relationship with the mom - maybe you can invite kids over for a playdate on a weekend or something.

I do admit I feel left out sometimes because the moms will meet for lunch before school pick up, or grab coffee after drop off and I generally can’t do those things, but it is what it is.

Where do you live? Have they tried to poach your nanny yet?

[Anonymous]

What? I am a WOHM and I think the world of my SAHM friends. Of course this is possible.

[Anonymous]

Of course they can. What a ridiculous question.

[Anonymous]

OP, friendship with you is not worth it. Meaning, it's not worth their weekend. Weekend is for family time.

But it's *not you*
Not you specifically

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM in a wealthy neighborhood. I have plenty of working friends and at some point, I also used to be a working mom. I have one in preschool and two in elementary school. Older kids have play dates after school and preschool child has play dates while older kids are in school.

We are very busy with sports, activities and our own personal friends plus we want family time with DH on weekends.

We do play dates with OUR friends meaning our friends and their kids on weekends. I probably wouldn’t do a Saturday morning play date with a casual classmate from preschool. I would have you over or meet up at a playground or something mid week.

I bend over backwards to try to get together with my friends and their kids. That is because I’m prioritizing seeing MY friends.

[Anonymous]

You sound resentful of their wealth and mildly insecure, OP. I think most people categorize weekends as family time. SAHMs‘ prime playdate are after school, before dinner (or mornings at the park for pre-school age). There are a plethora of midday playdate options in primarily SAHM neighborhoods, so WOHMs lose out (unless the moms were already friends outside of the children‘s relationships).

[Anonymous]

My preschooler has attended five play dates with classmates in the past month, all of them at 11 am, directly following class. Sorry, OP, it’s just convenience.

[Anonymous]

This is a preschool thing, OP. I am a SAHM and my closest friends are WOHMs, full time and part time, and SAHMs.

Kids get busy after school schedules and so sometimes we do after school playdates, but not often. I have a teen now too, and weekdays are tough for playdates with YDS's friends because he and his friends have busy schedules, and we have a lot of homework drama with ods (the teen) now. So weeknights are exhausting.

Weekends work better for playdates and they tend to be drop off now. Also yds has sleepovers and goes to sleepovers.

Just give it time, OP.

[Anonymous]

As a WOHM, I actually find it very difficult to see my friends much at all, let alone make new ones. I just don’t have a lot of time to invest in the relationships.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM with some working mom friends. We obviously don’t hang out on weekdays. I also have friends without kids! And even unmarried friends!

[Anonymous]

Of course, as long as long as no one’s identity is wrapped up in pointing out the other person’s choices are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My preschooler has attended five play dates with classmates in the past month, all of them at 11 am, directly following class. Sorry, OP, it’s just convenience.

These are your preschooler’s friends. Not your friends. Sheesh.