“I never want you to go to work again”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Said to me tearfully by my 3 year old as she went to sleep tonight. What do you do with these comments? She is with a nanny during the day and has a wonderful time once I’m gone, but she’s really been having a hard time with the separation lately.

Quit and stay home with your child(ren).

OP ignore this troll!

NP here, I don't think that's a troll post. I'm not suggesting PP quit her job solely based on kid's comments/requests; but I don't think it's crazy to sit down and actually think about how that would affect your family.

I am a NP and am a SAHM. My kid says these things to me too even though the only time away from me is at morning preschool. It’s three hours and he still says “I love school but I don’t like that you’re not there.” Just saying it happens no matter how much you’re with your kid! Totally normal. I know it’s hard to hear those words, OP. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try normalizing work more. My 3 yo knows her "work" it's too play and go to preschool. She knows everyone on the family has to work. We like doing it but it's also our job. I'm doing work when if go to the office or when I making family dinner. Have you taken her to your work place yet? She might like to experience it. Also we like doing the Chester Racoons kidding hand for work too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore. If it were up to your toddler, you’d never leave the house.

+1

I also know it’s hard to hear those words but this is so temporary and they don’t mean anything they’re saying. BTW my kids are now in elementary school and when they see a woman who doesn’t work they say “what does she do all day?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore. If it were up to your toddler, you’d never leave the house.

+1

I also know it’s hard to hear those words but this is so temporary and they don’t mean anything they’re saying. BTW my kids are now in elementary school and when they see a woman who doesn’t work they say “what does she do all day?”

My sons friends were surprised that he had to go to camp this summer because I work. I am home in time to pick him up from school so his friends thought I stayed at home like their Moms. It made us all chuckle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore. If it were up to your toddler, you’d never leave the house.

+1

I also know it’s hard to hear those words but this is so temporary and they don’t mean anything they’re saying. BTW my kids are now in elementary school and when they see a woman who doesn’t work they say “what does she do all day?”

My sons friends were surprised that he had to go to camp this summer because I work. I am home in time to pick him up from school so his friends thought I stayed at home like their Moms. It made us all chuckle.

In this day and age it is extremely common for working parents to be involved at school and pick up kids early etc. The world of work is much more flexible than it was even five years ago when my kids were in daycare.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks for the responses! I really like the idea of my kids visiting me at the office so they can understand where I go. It also really helps to know I’m not alone in this!

[Anonymous]

Aw, OP, that's tough. I'm sorry.

I think in re: to your daughter, I wouldn't try to fix it for her. Just acknowledge and accept her feelings and don't try to change them.

Just tell her how you miss her too, and that you love her.

And for you too, you don't need to fix how you feel. It's okay to be ambivalent about this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aw, OP, that's tough. I'm sorry.

I think in re: to your daughter, I wouldn't try to fix it for her. Just acknowledge and accept her feelings and don't try to change them.

Just tell her how you miss her too, and that you love her.

And for you too, you don't need to fix how you feel. It's okay to be ambivalent about this stuff.

Thank you! This helps so much. Also same with the SAHM poster above who said her child says similar things- I was a SAHM for my older son for the first 3 years (and for this daughter for her first 18 months), and remember my son saying similar things even though I was with him everyday. Also I was not happy and am a much better mom with the balance of work which I love. Anyway- so good to have all these reminders and remember that kids have huge feelings they are trying to process and that’s ok. Phew!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for the responses! I really like the idea of my kids visiting me at the office so they can understand where I go. It also really helps to know I’m not alone in this!

OP, when my kids came to have lunch with me the first time my boss brought out the soccer ball she has in her office and they played in the hallway and now my kids think I play soccer all day at work! Their dad also has a ping pong table at his office so they think that's what he does. It's fun to have them come visit and I remember seeing my parents' offices growing up and thinking it was cool. You should definitely do this. You are definitely not alone! My kids are five now and still sometimes say stuff like this even though they love school and their nanny. I usually ask them why they feel that way and if their answer is a generic "I miss you/want you" then I ask them to think of something special we can do that weekend or one day after school that would help. They get over it quickly, but I do think that responding to their statements makes them feel better. I also tell them that I miss them/want them during the day as well. Sometimes we'll sneak each other notes - I'll put them in their backpack and they'll put them in my purse. Then we can see them during the day and think of each other. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore. If it were up to your toddler, you’d never leave the house.

+1

I also know it’s hard to hear those words but this is so temporary and they don’t mean anything they’re saying. BTW my kids are now in elementary school and when they see a woman who doesn’t work they say “what does she do all day?”

My sons friends were surprised that he had to go to camp this summer because I work. I am home in time to pick him up from school so his friends thought I stayed at home like their Moms. It made us all chuckle.

Curious - why did you all chuckle at the thought you might 'gasp' be a stay at home parent?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like something my 3 year old would say. Bringing her to my office and introducing her to my work friends has helped SO much. She always asks about work now and what I did during the day. She was drawing a picture the other day and I said "who is that?" and she responded "you and [two of my partners]." She also plays "work" and says "mommy, not now - I have a lot of work to do!" It's really sweet and makes me happy that she sees the value in working.

[Anonymous]

Lean in on empathy - "I know honey, I miss you too!"

Give her something to focus on - a special little trinket or stone she can keep in her pocket and you have a matching one. When you each hold it you know the other person is thinking of you. Or take an old shirt and cut off the buttons and give her one "so you always have a piece of me with you" (and so you have replacements when the button gets lost!)

Yes to the occasional coming to your office to see you.

Also, tell her you're going to devote special time just for her every day when you get home. 10 (or 15) minutes to do anything she wants to do with you. Just a few minutes go a remarkably long way to helping the child feel really seen and valued.

I've been there! Don't beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

How much time do you get with your child each day? And I mean real time, not meals, bath, chore time, but just relaxed hangout time.

[Anonymous]

Spend more special time with your child.

I said this to my mom when I was a kid, and it was ignored. Looking back I think I was trying to say, "I need more time with you," and not necessarily that I needed out entire lives to change (which they would have if she'd quit her job).

I now SAH (a decision definitely tied to my experiences as a kid not getting enough time with my mom!) and our kids will sometimes say they wish DH didn't have to go to work either! We just take it as a sign they need more special, one-on-one bonding time with him, and usually after a couple weeks of more quality time, the complaints subside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. Have nanny and DD come meet you for lunch at work once a month. This has helped a lot of my charges because they can visualize where their parent is during the day.

Please, please do note tote your children to the office once a month. One visit to the office one time might be ok so the child has an opportunity to visualize where the parent works, but no one wants to see your kids in the office once a month. But once a month is ridiculous, distracting for your co-workers, and completely unprofessional.