Wife Just Physically Assaulted Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want to call the police but what do you want to do? Are you a man or a woman? Are there kids involved?

Good point, sorry for my heteronormative assumption, OP.

What difference does it make if it’s a man or woman?

It affects the level of danger OP is in. If the wife is threatening with a gun, the danger is the same. In a fistfight, the smaller, weaker party is in more danger. That’s just an objective fact that might affect what OP does next.

Not all wives are physically smaller and weaker than their DH.

Police will also respond differently to this type of complaint from a man versus a woman, which could affect which steps to take next.

There’s a lot of factors that will determine how the police respond:
Race of the complainant
Race of the accused
Occupational status of the accused
Socioeconomic class of the couple
Any prior law enforcement contact
Gun ownership by the accused

Gender is just one and sometimes not even the most determinant. My brother serves a lot of warrants.

Understood, but only gender was assumed in the thread above, not the other stuff. Make sense?

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids? You should contact police to get a record of the assault. This could be relevant if you divorce and try to get custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want to call the police but what do you want to do? Are you a man or a woman? Are there kids involved?

Good point, sorry for my heteronormative assumption, OP.

What difference does it make if it’s a man or woman?

It affects the level of danger OP is in. If the wife is threatening with a gun, the danger is the same. In a fistfight, the smaller, weaker party is in more danger. That’s just an objective fact that might affect what OP does next.

Not all wives are physically smaller and weaker than their DH.

Police will also respond differently to this type of complaint from a man versus a woman, which could affect which steps to take next.

There’s a lot of factors that will determine how the police respond:
Race of the complainant
Race of the accused
Occupational status of the accused
Socioeconomic class of the couple
Any prior law enforcement contact
Gun ownership by the accused

Gender is just one and sometimes not even the most determinant. My brother serves a lot of warrants.

Understood, but only gender was assumed in the thread above, not the other stuff. Make sense?

It makes sense that all bases should be covered if we think we need to say more than contact the police. OP definitely should consider that if he or she is a person of color or married to a person of color, the police may respond differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want to call the police but what do you want to do? Are you a man or a woman? Are there kids involved?

Good point, sorry for my heteronormative assumption, OP.

What difference does it make if it’s a man or woman?

It affects the level of danger OP is in. If the wife is threatening with a gun, the danger is the same. In a fistfight, the smaller, weaker party is in more danger. That’s just an objective fact that might affect what OP does next.

Not all wives are physically smaller and weaker than their DH.

Police will also respond differently to this type of complaint from a man versus a woman, which could affect which steps to take next.

There’s a lot of factors that will determine how the police respond:
Race of the complainant
Race of the accused
Occupational status of the accused
Socioeconomic class of the couple
Any prior law enforcement contact
Gun ownership by the accused

Gender is just one and sometimes not even the most determinant. My brother serves a lot of warrants.

Understood, but only gender was assumed in the thread above, not the other stuff. Make sense?

It makes sense that all bases should be covered if we think we need to say more than contact the police. OP definitely should consider that if he or she is a person of color or married to a person of color, the police may respond differently.

Ok, I don't think we are disagreeing. I assumed, without any knowledge, that OP was straight in the thread above without any actual knowledge. That was it (no race, class, priors, assumptions were made). The rest of what you're writing is extraneous to the chain of events in this thread. Thanks for the info tho.

[Anonymous]

If you’re a black man and a white woman hit you, you’re going to jail OP

[Anonymous]

If you are a man...

While I agree you should be able to call the police, that has ended badly for many men who have been assaulted or abused by their female partners. Many police will assume the man is the abuser no matter what he says and if they ask your wife and she gives any indication (truthful or not) that you showed any physical aggression towards her then it is likely you who will be arrested. It is really unfortunate but there is very little likely hood the police will take it seriously or that it will help you in any way. I would be more likely to go to a health clinic and have the injury and assault documented in your health records.

I would also encourage you to leave the home for your safety. Can you go and stay with friends or family while you decide next steps. This may be the end of your marriage or you may decide there are other contextual factors that you want to see if you can work through.

It is just as wrong as hitting a woman. You don't deserve to be harmed. Your home needs to be a safe place and you need to seriously think about being in a relationship with someone who is violent.

[Anonymous]

Did you cheat on her?

[Anonymous]

Fat lip is sufficient. The police will interview you both. Assuming your wife doesn't just say "lawyer" and actually gives her side of the story, you'll have a case.

Note your wife will likely be taken to jail (in many states, this is mandatory) but can bail out on own recognizance or for a small fee, and will not be allowed to come home until tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Take pics of the injury if you haven’t already.

[Anonymous]

My wife assaulted me twice. I am much larger than she is and was surprised both times but I was not hurt. There were no marks or injuries.

There is NO WAY I would have called the police, even if I had a bruise. That route makes sense when someone is in danger, but it also causes injuries to the relationship. I wanted my wife to behave better but I didn't want her arrested!

One thing that makes me very sad is that my young child saw one of the incidents. To this day, she thinks mommy and daddy were hitting each other. We weren't. I was blocking her fists with my forearms.

By the way, the cause of both incidents was basically the same. My wife gets very anxious around her family, and when I do something wrong around them (like show up late for a dinner), my wife gets very upset. The fight my kid saw literally started because I was 10-15 minutes late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened?

Keep provoking her and baiting her to get angry with you. Or just divorce already. Stop the passive aggressive garbage

[Anonymous]

Well- what did you do? Why would she do such a thing?

Has this happened before??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to call the police.

I made the mistake of thinking that the courts would take me seriously when I presented photos and dates. Turns out they only want police and hospital reports. This is why I have to share custody of my minor child.

Don't call the police. They will lock you up too and then you have an arrest on your record. Mine dragged me down 2 flights of stairs and scratched his own elbows while doing so.
It was he said, she said type of thing for the police and they took us both. The kid luckily went to a relative who happened to come by. He would've gone to the state otherwise.
I had already moved out and previously talked to domestic violence unit about my ex being physically abusive. Didn't matter at the moment he attacked me again. He got scratches and I got take in also. He was 300 pounds and I was 130. We share custody, but not because of any of this. Shared custody is what they try to do if possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to call the police.

I made the mistake of thinking that the courts would take me seriously when I presented photos and dates. Turns out they only want police and hospital reports. This is why I have to share custody of my minor child.

Don't call the police. They will lock you up too and then you have an arrest on your record. Mine dragged me down 2 flights of stairs and scratched his own elbows while doing so.
It was he said, she said type of thing for the police and they took us both. The kid luckily went to a relative who happened to come by. He would've gone to the state otherwise.
I had already moved out and previously talked to domestic violence unit about my ex being physically abusive. Didn't matter at the moment he attacked me again. He got scratches and I got take in also. He was 300 pounds and I was 130. We share custody, but not because of any of this. Shared custody is what they try to do if possible.

This. Not sure of the backstory but IMO you are opening yourself up to risk as well. And no it won’t make a difference in a custody dispute absent other factors. Either address whatever issue thst is causing the discord, if possible, or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Call the police.
Then next time you yell, or threaten, or push her, she will call the police.
Thereafter you’ll either learn to work out your disagreement like adults, or one of you will keep escalating things /other calls police, or one of you will get sick of this game and file for divorce.
Verbal communication and conflict resolution is important. Ignoring, stonewalling, followed by another’s yelling, hitting is neither of those- instead it is an attempt to get through first, then a power control game thereafter.