Don’t love our new nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had our new nanny for 2 months now and while we loved her when we met/interviewed her, she has been ok at best since she started. The biggest issue is that she hasn’t really bonded with my kids, ages 5 and 1 and does not seem as warm and nurturing as we had hoped/wanted. The younger one gets upset every morning when DH and I leave for work - which did not happen ever with our old nanny who was with us for 4 years. The older one is kind of indifferent to her and says “she is kind of nice but not very fun”. I have worked from home to see her in action a few times and it seems like she just doesn’t try all that hard and doesn’t always engage them a ton. She is a bit quiet and for example sits near the younger one while he plays but doesn’t play “with” him a ton. I also gave her a list of friends’ nannies with kids around his age for playdates and she has not reached out to a single one. I suggested checking out story time at the library but she has never done that either. They mostly seem to stay at home or go for a walk around the block in the neighborhood.

I am not sure she is really the best fit for our family at this point and maybe we need to look for someone else - we want someone long term and I just don’t think it’s her. But at the same time we feel bad because she is not a bad nanny at all and has amazing past experience... she just isn’t what we thought she was.

Has anyone else hired the wrong nanny before and replaced them? Was it really horrible? Would you recommend we explore other options?

I would start looking for a new nanny. This one isn’t good with your children. It happens. Cut your losses and move on.

[Anonymous]

We had the same issue this year with a babysitter for a school aged child. I think you need to be direct. "Nanny, here's that list again of other nannies for playdates. Can you try to reach out to #1 and #3 this week to schedule a playdate at our house with one or both of them? I talked to the parents and they're both expecting your call. We also decided we want the kids to attend the Tuesday morning story time at the library every week, unless they're sick of course. How do you feel about adding those two things starting next week? What are some questions you have for me about this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had the same issue this year with a babysitter for a school aged child. I think you need to be direct. "Nanny, here's that list again of other nannies for playdates. Can you try to reach out to #1 and #3 this week to schedule a playdate at our house with one or both of them? I talked to the parents and they're both expecting your call. We also decided we want the kids to attend the Tuesday morning story time at the library every week, unless they're sick of course. How do you feel about adding those two things starting next week? What are some questions you have for me about this?"

If you're going to be this direct, why ask the nanny how she feels about it? It doesn't matter how she feels - this is her job, you are her boss, and this is her assignment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

It is absolutely an opinion. It might be a fairly popular opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. There absolutely are people who prefer daycare for a variety of reasons, even when cost is not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

It is absolutely an opinion. It might be a fairly popular opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. There absolutely are people who prefer daycare for a variety of reasons, even when cost is not an issue.

Then what would be the variety of reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

It is absolutely an opinion. It might be a fairly popular opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. There absolutely are people who prefer daycare for a variety of reasons, even when cost is not an issue.

Then what would be the variety of reasons?

NP here: We chose a lovely in-home daycare over a nanny for a variety of reasons:
-I didn’t want to be someone’s employer that had to deal with sick leave, taxes, etc. Instead I wanted to pay for a service. That meant less stress for me, which, in turn made me a better parent for my child.
-I wanted the socialization that comes with being with other children.
-The daycare was located 10 minutes from my work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

It is absolutely an opinion. It might be a fairly popular opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. There absolutely are people who prefer daycare for a variety of reasons, even when cost is not an issue.

Then what would be the variety of reasons?

NP here: We chose a lovely in-home daycare over a nanny for a variety of reasons:
-I didn’t want to be someone’s employer that had to deal with sick leave, taxes, etc. Instead I wanted to pay for a service. That meant less stress for me, which, in turn made me a better parent for my child.
-I wanted the socialization that comes with being with other children.
-The daycare was located 10 minutes from my work.

I'll add that I liked having extra sets of eyes, preferred not to have someone in my house, wanted continuity and definitely preferred daycare for when the kids got older, and didn't believe even a good nanny would provide the array of activities and stimulation, again more of a factor once you are past the infant stage.

[Anonymous]

Start looking for a new nanny. I am a nanny and it sounds like your new nanny is just not right for your young children. Please don’t feel bad - sometimes things just don’t work out.

[Anonymous]

You may have been to passive in your communication. There's a difference between:

"Here's the contact info for some local nannies with kids Jayden's age if you want to meet up with them,"

vs.

"This week I'd like you to reach out to Silvie and Maria to set up playdates with the kids they nanny please."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

It is absolutely an opinion. It might be a fairly popular opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. There absolutely are people who prefer daycare for a variety of reasons, even when cost is not an issue.

Then what would be the variety of reasons?

NP here: We chose a lovely in-home daycare over a nanny for a variety of reasons:
-I didn’t want to be someone’s employer that had to deal with sick leave, taxes, etc. Instead I wanted to pay for a service. That meant less stress for me, which, in turn made me a better parent for my child.
-I wanted the socialization that comes with being with other children.
-The daycare was located 10 minutes from my work.

I'll add that I liked having extra sets of eyes, preferred not to have someone in my house, wanted continuity and definitely preferred daycare for when the kids got older, and didn't believe even a good nanny would provide the array of activities and stimulation, again more of a factor once you are past the infant stage.

You’ll never convince daycare parents that there was a better option for their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start looking for a new nanny. I am a nanny and it sounds like your new nanny is just not right for your young children. Please don’t feel bad - sometimes things just don’t work out.

Another nanny here and I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t worry about making a change. She sounds like a great nanny for an infant, but not right for you.

Why would you want a non engaged nanny for an infant? Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

It is absolutely an opinion. It might be a fairly popular opinion, but it is an opinion nonetheless. There absolutely are people who prefer daycare for a variety of reasons, even when cost is not an issue.

Then what would be the variety of reasons?

NP here: We chose a lovely in-home daycare over a nanny for a variety of reasons:
-I didn’t want to be someone’s employer that had to deal with sick leave, taxes, etc. Instead I wanted to pay for a service. That meant less stress for me, which, in turn made me a better parent for my child.
-I wanted the socialization that comes with being with other children.
-The daycare was located 10 minutes from my work.

I'll add that I liked having extra sets of eyes, preferred not to have someone in my house, wanted continuity and definitely preferred daycare for when the kids got older, and didn't believe even a good nanny would provide the array of activities and stimulation, again more of a factor once you are past the infant stage.

You’ll never convince daycare parents that there was a better option for their child. [/quote

I'm not the one trying to convince anyone of anything. I am simply explaining MY reasons and why I preferred daycare. I have no doubt that a nanny is better for many other people and I can see why some people would prefer it.

The other poster was the one who said it was FACT, not OPINION, that a nanny was better. I simply said it was an opinion. That doesn't mean it is right or wrong; it is subjective and different people will have different opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents bond, nannies are caretakers. She sounds good if she's supervising and keeping them safe.

Not even close to being enough for me and my children. I want (and have) a nanny who is engaging, playful, happy, and loving. If I just wanted them to be alive when I got home, I’d send them to daycare.

Having a nanny isn’t always better than day care but keep telling yourself that. You want your kids to have socialization. Day care is better for that and will prepare your oldest for school.

Having a great nanny is better than the best daycare. A great nanny can do everything a great daycare can do plus lots of extras - extra attention, extra reading, extra play, homemade food, quiet home environment, etc. There are ample opportunities for a great nanny to socialize your child in play groups, play dates, storytimes, even just the park without your baby forced to listen to other screaming babies and teething toddlers. This is just a fact, PP, not an opinion. A ghost educated and experienced nanny has a better skill set than even most parents.

That said - if you cannot find it afford a great nanny, a great daycare beats a bad or mediocre nanny hands down.

I have to agree. We hired an energetic 55 year old nanny and she mothered my kids far better than I did. She taught me a lot. People constantly approached me to tell me how wonderful she was. We absolutely got lucky. My kids almost never got sick, they got to the library constantly, made their own friends at the playground, and got to eat her amazing food. I have to say I think it was good she was older, not just for experience reasons, but because I think she was less predisposed to be on her smartphone all the time like I see roughly 50% of nannies. I think it's well known that children need a primary attachment, and I'm not sure how that works when you have 5 women working in your classroom in daycare. Our nanny became part of our family and from what I understand, most of my friends don't know their child's daycare caregivers very well.

[Anonymous]

You said she has great past experience. Could it be she's burnt out? It happens to all of us.

If you're paying for a service and not receiving it, definitely look for other options.

I would not be pleased if our nanny just kept the kids in all the time, only venturing out for a daily walk.

I bet you on the days when you're not there, TV & movies is who is really keeping the kids entertained.