Moms who date- how much do you worry about predators?
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Anonymous
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Literally never.
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Anonymous
Want to add that there are precautions to take, such as not introducing them to your children until later, and monitoring their interactions for years, but also having that trust relationship with your kids so that they feel they can come to you for anything. BUT - those relatives sound just like my mother. Anxious and trying to be helpful, and not realizing that they're being really nasty in the process (or just possibly enjoying putting you down). Essentially you're being told that no one wants you for you. Delightful. |
Anonymous
| I am sad to say I know many more girls who were not treated appropriately by the “new man.” If you are going to date when you have younger/teen children talk to them about inappropriate things touches and to trust themselves. There are great people out there and creeps so just be mindful! Good luck! |
Anonymous
In my case their Father is the chaos. So step Dad has revived their faith in men and marriage. |
Anonymous
NP and it needs to be said to parents, men and women. My BIL and XSIL each nearly immediately got into serious dating relationships while their kids were very young. More new boyfriends and girlfriends than I can remember, to include moving into mom and live-in boyfriend's house. That relationship ended after several years and now mom has a new boyfriend. We have to pretend this is all perfectly fine. |
No one would ever say this to a man.
Anonymous
| Trust your instincts and never, ever leave anyone alone with your kids. There is never a reason to do that. |
Anonymous
Plus 1000! ~Signed a victim of my stepfather, who was a wealthy lawyer. I have vowed that I will never bring a man around my kids until they are out of the house. I am a parent and therefore put my kids needs above my own. I will always choose my kids over some man. |
Anonymous
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I had 2 kids under 8 when I divorced. I am now remarried in a blended family that is going well, to a wonderful partner.
I didn't "worry" about it. For starters, I kept my dating life 100% private. The man I married did not meet my kids for a year, even though we were very clearly super interested in each other and fell madly in love. With parenting schedules (his, too), it meant we couldn't see each other as often as we would have liked. For several years, until we married and moved both families in together. I used a dating website/app. Many divorced men and women with kids are on there. My thoughts are, fine and good to mention that you have kids, but keep any personal details (ages, genders) off. No need to harp on loving your kids and your kids coming first. Any normal person feels that way and you don't need to state the obvious. If someone else is not understanding that your kids are important, or they have kids but aren't good parents, just move on from them. You can't do all pre-screening in your profile. Personally I really did not like when people put their kids' photos in their dating profiles. Huge privacy issues. It's not social media. So start dating, have fun. If someone is showing inordinate interest in meeting your kids early, that's not a healthy sign. They're probably not a pedo but probably looking to move too quickly or have boundary issues. Move on. No one should be in your house when your kids are there. Use common sense and keep yourself safe. It will be fine. |
Anonymous
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I hate seeing photos of kids in men's online profiles as well. I figure they're either quicker to try to became a ready-made family or using their kids to score points with single women. Either way, poor judgment.
I've been dating for nearly a decade and the only guy to meet my kid was already a platonic friend first. Even then, it was in a group setting with zero interaction between the two. I've had relationships get close to that level and then fizzle months into it, like around 5 months. Trust your gut. The fact that you posted about it tells me that your kids will be fine. I personally believe that a lot of the kids who are abused have parents who are aware but looking the other way. Kids can't be abused by someone they're never alone with. I don't advise allowing a man to sleep over while your kids are home. I don't divulge where I live early on either. |
Anonymous
I'm single mom. I think it's selfish to date. If I found somebody interested in dating me they would not meet my kid until we were going toward marriage. At this point that would mean dating 2-3 years and my kid would be big enough to really fight back and any suitor would know I would take !I kids word over theirs. I can't imagine anyone dating me. |
Anonymous
OP here. My parents had a similar attitude and did not date or remarry. Since I never had a model for a healthy relationship, I didn’t know how to be in one and ended up choosing terrible partners. It took a lot of therapy and reading to figure out what a healthy marriage is. So I really want to model a healthy marriage for my kids, but I also want to take precautions. |
Anonymous
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I've never worried, but I've also never even considered introducing a date to my children. My kids are my #1 priority, and I've no intention of trying to build a Franken-family where they have some strange man and possibly his kids shoved on them and forced to accept as "family." Its selfish and rarely works... blended families have an extremely high rate of divorce.
I date when I have free time, and I've been with the same man for about 18 months now. My kids are 10 nd 12 nd they know I date but have no interest in meeting my boyfriend. I may I introduce them at some point, just so if they ever run in to him if they are stopping by to pick something up from the house or something, but not a big deal. If he were a predator who was cool with sticking around in the off chance I might eventually one day introduce him to my kids, then hes a pretty stupid one and u think I'd figure him out soon enough. Especially since my kids have been taught from a young age to advocate for themselves and to tell me if someone makes them uncomfortable... I will listen, no matter who it is. |
Anonymous
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I don't worry about predators but I also don't really date much or bring men around my kids in a dating capacity.
My daughter has casually met a couple of guys I dated because we ran into them at group functions, so I could see how they interacted without an actual "this is mommy's boyfriend" type introduction. She's met a lot of my friends, both male and female, so they were just in that friend bucket. wouldn't really have my daughter spending time around a guy unless we had been serious for awhile and there probably wouldn't be "alone" time with him. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry, what??? There's never a reason to leave your kids with anyone? You've literally never used a babysitter? You've never left your kid with ANYONE??? I get being careful, instincts are important - listen to them for sure! - and its OK if mom or dad needs a babysitter sometimes or childcare often so they can do things like work, date, see friends, exercise, have hobbies, etc. |
Anonymous
| Women are RARELY predators. Just so we don't act like the threats are at all equal. |