Moms who date- how much do you worry about predators?

[Anonymous]

I’m newly divorced and would like to start dating again. Some of my family members have basically told me no one will ever want me, and anyone who is interested is a predator looking to get access to my kids.

How much do you actually worry about this? What do you do to protect your kids? Of course I’m concerned for my kids’ safety, but I don’t think I should have to spend the next 14 years alone.

[Anonymous]

I don't introduce the kids to men I am dating.

[Anonymous]

Be careful, but you can absolutely date. You get to decide when someone meets your kids, and obviously you don’t do that until you’re comfortable. Not everyone is a predator. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Literally not at all. I’m a great judge of character and have a ton of street smarts.

[Anonymous]

I am a divorced dad. I am aghast at how many women show their kids in online dating profiles. Especially the teenage daughters - I sure wouldn't want hundreds of strange horny men looking at photos of my daughter. So keep the kids out of your profile photo.

I would venture to guess that the majority of men are not predators. They are actually not interested in your kids at all.

As another PP said, don't introduce your kids to them, at least until you have found someone to date exclusively for a long time (6 months to a year).

If you're "newly divorced" I would hold off on dating for a while anyway.

[Anonymous]

And be suspicious of anyone who offers often and early to spend time with your kids when you are not there (even for something as convenient as picking them up in a car). That should be a huge red flag.

I don't think this is a common threat, but it is unfortunately a variation on bad guys. Your children's welfare must come before yours. So, yes you can date. But keep family separate until you know them (and their background) for a good long time.

[Anonymous]

I don’t give the men I date access to my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't introduce the kids to men I am dating.

Basically this. I’m remarried now, but other than DH only one man I dated ever met my kids and he was a former coworker so he already knew them. My kids didn’t know we were dating.

I got bad vibes from a man once. I disclosed early that I had kids. He was very interested in hearing about them and constantly brought them up. After three dates, he mentioned buying Christmas presents for them. I felt comfortable and broke things off.

[Anonymous]

Just don't introduce the dates to your children and keep them separate. If a date pressures you about meeting the kids, that's the person you want to drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And be suspicious of anyone who offers often and early to spend time with your kids when you are not there (even for something as convenient as picking them up in a car). That should be a huge red flag.

I don't think this is a common threat, but it is unfortunately a variation on bad guys. Your children's welfare must come before yours. So, yes you can date. But keep family separate until you know them (and their background) for a good long time.

Women can and are predators too. It goes both ways. Anyone dating with children should be very protective of their children. I waited at least a year before I started dating and it was probably three or four before I met someone that I wanted to build a future with, he was the only one who eventually met my children. And I only dated when the kids were with their father or visiting my family I’m just horrified by ladies I know who bring one night stands home when their children are sleeping there. So selfish and stupid.

[Anonymous]

You've already been there and done that. Now is the time for your children. Why would you bring chaos into their lives? You can go back to dating after they are grown.

[Anonymous]

I never introduced anyone I dated to my daughter except my current husband. When I was dating I never even brought guys home even if my daughter was not home. With my husband after dating for close to year and knew it was going somewhere I introduced my daughter and he introduced me to his. It was slowly and very casual short meetings outside the home. My daughter is in high school now and she thought I never dated anyone other than her dad and my husband. Never saw me with anyone else.

[Anonymous]

I didn't put my child in my online profiles and I didn't list myself as having a child. It's something I discussed on a first date. Seems stupid to list a way for someone to search out women with children.

[Anonymous]

I waited about 6 months before introducing the person I'm dating to my child. He also has kids-a grown daughter who seems to be doing well and have a good relationship with her dad and a younger kid who he is a great parent to. We've been dating for over a year and he still does not sleep over when my child is with me (50/50 custody) and doesn't spend time alone with her-because there isn't any need. I agree with others that someone who seems overly interested in your kids early on is a red flag, and knowing a guy's family and community is a good thing. And, of course, building a strong open relationship with your own child so that they know you will always take them seriously if they come to you with an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've already been there and done that. Now is the time for your children. Why would you bring chaos into their lives? You can go back to dating after they are grown.

No one would ever say this to a man.