Marriage counselor says I need a passion...

[Anonymous]

We have children at home there is no way my golf crazy husband would do 5-6 golf weekends with his buddies. He will do one a year, maybe two, but it’s because he knows being home is important to all of us. If you don’t have any children at home and you’re fine with him being away that often then you do need to find something to do other than going with him and hanging around at a spa. Get a FWB or find something to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you seeing a marriage counselor in the first place?

To replace talking to her husband who is never home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say you don't have to do the same thing he does - you don't need to spend the same money on the same 5 trips a year. I mean you can, if you want, but you could use want - a night out eery week, or free time on Saturdays or one or two bigger trips or whatever - its not really fair to say you have to get what he wants if you don't want that.

I'm guessing OP is like how my sister used to be. Her entire life was work and her husband. She rarely did anything without him and all her hobbies and interests were his. She had pretty much no identity outside of him. He, on the other hand, had interests that he fostered a few times a year. My sister was always welcome but since she didn't partake, was bored and then needy and that, understandably caused issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you seeing a marriage counselor in the first place?

To replace talking to her husband who is never home.

Where does it say that? I'd hardly call 5-6 trips a year the same as never home. Maybe OP is completely codependent and needy and suffocates her husband. I would have a hard time if DH had zero interests of his own.

[Anonymous]

Spend it on becoming a sugar mamma to a really great lover that doesn’t play golf

[Anonymous]

Op, is your issue w your husband’s golf trips the cost, that you don’t have anything to do when he’s gone, that he doesn’t help with the kids (do you have kids?), or what?

If it’s the cost, spending more money doesn’t seem like the solution.

If it’s that you’re bored when he’s gone, then I agree you need to find something to do w yourself. It doesn’t have to be a trip though. Having a weekend to myself every 2 months sounds great to me. Why don’t you have anything to do without your husband?

If it’s that he’s ditching you w kids, then I can see being pissed about that and wanting to sort of get back at him by ditching him w them too.

[Anonymous]

Your big problem in life is getting bored at high end resorts? Sorry, I can't relate.

Also, the poster that casually mentioned cheating as a solution to not having a hobby -- disgraceful.

[Anonymous]

Look up different forms of dance on YouTube and find a few to try. Here are a few of my favorite west coast swing dances to get you started:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfUIaK87zGQ


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw8l2iaXkc4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qdv4zOYGB0w

Other sample search terms:

Dc Hand Dance
Country two step
International foxtrot ( which is very different from American foxtrot)

Les Twins
Jordan Frisbee and Tatiana Mollmann
Any partner dance + “ jack & Jill”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up different forms of dance on YouTube and find a few to try. Here are a few of my favorite west coast swing dances to get you started:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfUIaK87zGQ

By the way, these two dancers had met that weekend and had danced one warm up dance earlier in the weekend. This is improv.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw8l2iaXkc4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qdv4zOYGB0w

Other sample search terms:

Dc Hand Dance
Country two step
International foxtrot ( which is very different from American foxtrot)

Les Twins
Jordan Frisbee and Tatiana Mollmann
Any partner dance + “ jack & Jill”

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfUIaK87zGQ

By the way, these two dancers had met that weekend and had danced one warm up dance earlier in the weekend. This is improv.

And, Trendolyn is a local pro who teaches hand dance as well. I’ve been out of the dance community for a couple years, so I don’t know where she teaches, but google is your friend. Dave Moldover is a Maryland Dance promoter worth looking up as well.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH goes out of town 5-6 times a year for his hobby.

I think it’s important that he have his hobby and his time.

I’m not really a hobby person unless reading and museums are hobbies. So, I have taken some short distance road trips, and I pick up the hotel tab since going away with friends is my hobby.

In short, I suggest that you take a friend or two on a weekend getaway. Tell them it’s on you - they’ll probably pick up dinner or breakfast or show their thanks some other way.

St. Michaels is lovely, Rock Hall is great, Middleburg is very nice, or go to MGM and take in a show.

[Anonymous]

Running or yoga. I do one of them every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Running or yoga. I do one of them every day.

Yoga retreats can be fun.

[Anonymous]

What do you like to do OP?

If nothing comes to mind, think back to when you were in college, what did you like to do? Paint? Kayak? Rock climb? Theatre? Anything?

[Anonymous]

I get it. Not everyone is a "hobby person." If OP is a goal-oriented person who would prefer to be doing practical things on the weekends, then taking up square dancing is not really going to be fulfilling.

But I guess I"m more wondering why the therapist thinks "fairness" needs to be restored. What is it that you don't like about his trips? Is it the money, or that he's gone, and you don't get similar funds and time off? Or is it that you don't have something you share? Or is it that your life is unfulfilling?