Would you open a poison pen letter?

[Anonymous]

Please open it and share it with us. I am curious to know what she has written.

[Anonymous]

"That's a Howler!"

I've been there. I read it. Had a good laugh and a drink. Didn't respond. Shockingly, we no longer have a relationship (not as a result of the letter but as a result of many other things . . . )

[Anonymous]

Your mother told you she was angry. She couldn't even talk about it. Then she wrote a "poison pen" letter to your sister, the contents of which you don't describe. You are expecting one as well.

If the letter describes why she's feeling angry, it's not a poison pen letter.

What would you have wanted her to do? Speak in measured tones about what's bothering her? Some people aren't that mature. Yell on the phone? You see that writing a letter isn't the worse thing she could have done.

Why don't you pay attention to what's REALLY bothering your parent, OP?

[Anonymous]

Your mom is infamous for this AND your sister got one too? You need to save these letters! Wait a month or 2. Then you and your sister get together and have a few glasses of wine with some very nice cheese and chocolate. Then you read each other's letters to the other one in your best Mom Voice. Make sure you add in anything extra you think she left out! Like maybe she forgot how disappointed she is your career, add that in at the end!

I had an aunt who used to send the most unintentially hilarious Christmas cards. Filled with barely masked disappointment at one of her children. It. Was. Awesome. We used to read it aloud on Xmas eve (definitely NOT what Jesus would do) after everyone had had a few glasses of wine. Obviously just my nuclear family, but man was it hilarious. Oh, Cindy got laid off AGAIN! Please tell us more.

[Anonymous]

You are ungrateful. She is telling you how she feels now, and you suggested you were interested in hearing about how she feels, so read it. Also, your parents drive 1.5 hours (one way) every Wednesday to pick your kid up? They're not doing that for their sake, no matter what you tell yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are ungrateful. She is telling you how she feels now, and you suggested you were interested in hearing about how she feels, so read it. Also, your parents drive 1.5 hours (one way) every Wednesday to pick your kid up? They're not doing that for their sake, no matter what you tell yourself.

yes, actually they are. They’re picking the kid up 30 min early from afee tree scare—which is presumably already paid for. If they didn’t do that then the kid would just hang out another half out. NBD. Them getting the kid and then going out to dinner which OP pays for really isn’t all that helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are ungrateful. She is telling you how she feels now, and you suggested you were interested in hearing about how she feels, so read it. Also, your parents drive 1.5 hours (one way) every Wednesday to pick your kid up? They're not doing that for their sake, no matter what you tell yourself.

yes, actually they are. They’re picking the kid up 30 min early from afee tree scare—which is presumably already paid for. If they didn’t do that then the kid would just hang out another half out. NBD. Them getting the kid and then going out to dinner which OP pays for really isn’t all that helpful.

I bet that's the only time they get to see their grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Please OP, open the letter and share. Aren't you curious about what your mother is upset about? If it's the Wednesday childcare situation, you can change that immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are ungrateful. She is telling you how she feels now, and you suggested you were interested in hearing about how she feels, so read it. Also, your parents drive 1.5 hours (one way) every Wednesday to pick your kid up? They're not doing that for their sake, no matter what you tell yourself.

yes, actually they are. They’re picking the kid up 30 min early from afee tree scare—which is presumably already paid for. If they didn’t do that then the kid would just hang out another half out. NBD. Them getting the kid and then going out to dinner which OP pays for really isn’t all that helpful.

I bet that's the only time they get to see their grandchild.

how is that OPs problem? She’s working Anne juggling a family and home. They’re retired (presumably) or at least not juggling little kids too. They can make the effort if it’s important to them. Some grandparents don’t. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

LOL when an old women writes a nasty letter she isn't trying to get you to understand how she feels. Hell no. It is a PROCLAMATION and TESTAMENT of everything that is wrong with you and right with her. It is expected that upon receiving this official and formal document that you promptly start kissing her old feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL when an old women writes a nasty letter she isn't trying to get you to understand how she feels. Hell no. It is a PROCLAMATION and TESTAMENT of everything that is wrong with you and right with her. It is expected that upon receiving this official and formal document that you promptly start kissing her old feet.

Careful. God willing, you will be an old woman one day and maybe in need of some grace and compassion from your own children for your not so nice ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
LOL when an old women writes a nasty letter she isn't trying to get you to understand how she feels. Hell no. It is a PROCLAMATION and TESTAMENT of everything that is wrong with you and right with her. It is expected that upon receiving this official and formal document that you promptly start kissing her old feet.


Careful. God willing, you will be an old woman one day and maybe in need of some grace and compassion from your own children for your not so nice ways.

If I lose my mind to the extent that I send them a proclamation of grievances and expect them to come running to kiss my feet then yes I deserve to be laughed at for my actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably hold on to it but not open it and give mom a chance to cool down and decide whether she really wants me to read it.

Hearing certain things is like ringing a bell that can’t be unrung.

This is wise advice. I would probably be too foolish to follow it myself - curiosity killed the cat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way I’d be able to resist opening it, so....yes. But do.not.respond. No matter what it says!!! Do.Not.!! Not only will it encourage more of the same “letters” but no good will come of it anyway. Ignore like you would a child’s tantrum.

IMHO people who send letters rather than discussing like an adult (ideally in person) are total cowards.

+1 Don’t respond. I once received a poison email from my mother-in-law. It was entitled, ”A Happy Birthday Message” so it was like a Trojan horse poison letter on my birthday and I didn’t see it coming. In summary, the letter implied that I had tried to keep my newborn from her during his month in the NICU, and she hopes I get intensive therapy and then maybe she and I can become friends. I didn’t respond, I just created a filter to delete any future emails immediately and blocked her phone number. I decided my husband can correspond with her on the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd read it, but probably not respond to it. Probably burn it with my citronella candle as I drink wine on the patio.

Lol. Maybe I will ask my sister over and we can burn them together as we drink wine.

Yup. I'm glad for the both of you that you both got a letter. Years back, I got one from my step mom. Called my sis to ask what I should do, since I was pretty shaken. Her response? "What? This is your first one?"