Child lying and sneaking stuff

[Anonymous]

This is not about food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like an eating disorder. I did stuff like that when I was that age and I still have to fight urges to binge all the snacks and junk food. I wish I’d had a therapist to talk to when I was young, since it’s not a fun cycle to be in.

Plus 1 to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an eating disorder and this is the age when I started hiding food. Get your daughter therapy. Good luck.

Yup, me to.

[Anonymous]

Stop buying snacks. Kids (and adults) do not need to be eating all the time.

[Anonymous]

I did the same at this age (and older) and have an eating disorder. No ADHD or ASD. She lies because she is ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Before anything else, make sure you are feeding her enough. It really sounds like you restrict her food. What if she is going through a growth spurt? These are the big growing years + puberty. Don’t artificially keep her small or slim. Let her have enough food (which is likely way more than you need).

[Anonymous]

I was this kid. I lied because I wanted some agency and some damn privacy.

[Anonymous]

Pennywoloz wrote:I have a 12 year old girl and she is constantly getting into snacks. For instance yesterday I went grocery shopping and bought groceries for the week and I forgot to hide the snacks when I got home. I went to get ready for bed and noticed one of the snack boxes open and the whole box is gone. I look in her room and under her bed are all the wrappers. She was already asleep, so I asked her about it this morning and she literally looked at me and said that she didn't do it. This happens all the time. If I don't lock up the snacks, she'll get into them. And she is not snack deprived. She gets a snack to take to school, one after school, and one before bed. I don't know if this means anything to what she is doing, but she does have high functioning autism and ADHD.
Please no bashing. I don't know what to do anymore.

My daughter was like this and went through a “chunky” stage at 12 or 13. I never restricted her eating and now at 17 years old she eats what and how much she wants. She is an athlete and plays sports everyday. The difference now is she gravitates towards healthy food options that give her energy. I used to find candy wrappers and empty chips bags behind her bed and would take a picture and show her with a laugh. Wish I’d saved those pics. I’m glad I didn’t restrict her eating. She is happy and healthy. More important things to worry about now.

[Anonymous]

Pennywoloz wrote:I have a 12 year old girl and she is constantly getting into snacks. For instance yesterday I went grocery shopping and bought groceries for the week and I forgot to hide the snacks when I got home. I went to get ready for bed and noticed one of the snack boxes open and the whole box is gone. I look in her room and under her bed are all the wrappers. She was already asleep, so I asked her about it this morning and she literally looked at me and said that she didn't do it. This happens all the time. If I don't lock up the snacks, she'll get into them. And she is not snack deprived. She gets a snack to take to school, one after school, and one before bed. I don't know if this means anything to what she is doing, but she does have high functioning autism and ADHD.
Please no bashing. I don't know what to do anymore.

Op- you're getting a lot of advice, but I want to reiterate that the biggest culprit in the scenario is the ADHD/HFA. Impulse control, self-regulation, executive functions. Buy and keep only the healthy food- stop hiding the snacks. It's creating an obsessive cycle and these two conditions are heavy on obsession.

[Anonymous]

I guess people are saying OP restricts snacks too much because she mentions times for snacks but what I found unusual (to me) was three snacks every day--That's probably two more snacks than many well-fed kids would have, at least in our world, unless the child was doing enough dance or sport etc. to really need regular healthy snacks. I think some families graze a lot more than others. It sounds as if DD is getting three meals plus three snacks plus what she's sneaking and that all adds up (unless OP is keeping meals too skimpy).

I agree with PPs who say the DD may be working on an eating disorder or other control issues. OP, stop buying snacks; what is not in the house can't be binged or sneaked into the bedroom. Do NOT make a big-deal announcement about how "I'm not buying snacks!" Just come home without them. Then start making snacks with DD--weekends can be for finding healthy recipes and spending time together making simple snacks for the week ahead, and talking while you're together. And get DD evaluated ASAP: Physical workup and ADHD eval. But also consider whether she has little control over her life and is frustrated, and whether it might help for her to have new activities, maybe new freedoms/responsibilities. Consider having her see a counselor -- or doing family counseling to gauge what at home might be stressing her.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird that you’re controlling what food your kid eats. She’s 12 not 2. She should be able to choose her own food without her mom counting every bite.

Honestly, that level of scrutiny sounds stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird that you’re controlling what food your kid eats. She’s 12 not 2. She should be able to choose her own food without her mom counting every bite.

Honestly, that level of scrutiny sounds stressful.

+1. You may be too controlling about food and other stuff even. Try letting go of the reins on food- or even something else- to give your daughter some agency and breathing room. Asking directly is super shaming. Let us know how it goes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think you are a bit over controlling with the snacks. My kids are younger and have generally free access to the snacks BUT when the snacks are gone, they are gone. So- only apples, clementines, string cheese etc to take for snacks until I go to the store again. If I’d bought enough for a week then they aren’t relaxed until next week as planned. They’ve learned, for the most part.

Ah, so if one kid eats all the snacks leaving none for the others, its a group 'lesson'. Do you also subscribe to collective guilt and discipline that way?

[Anonymous]

In my DS' case, it's not disordered eating. It's ADHD and impulse issues. DS is 17 and for at least the last 3 years, we've had a food locker where we stash the highly desirable, often pilfered stuff. His looting has nothing to do with our 'controlling' of what he eats - take chocolate milk as an example. I buy boxed chocolate milks for lunch and have a big (Costco sized) container of powdered chocolate milk mix. No restrictions how often or how much chocolate milk he can make and drink. Yet, he'd blow through the entire case of boxed milk in a couple days and, to add insult to injury, the detritus of his gluttony would be strew all over the house, under the couches, on the tabes, bathroom trash cans, etc. When my other kids went to make their lunches, there would be no chocolate milk.

The food locker has been fabulous! It's a regular, large plastic bin from Walmart that I put a combination lock on. One of my kids (one with good self-control) has the combo as well so if I'm not around, that kid can access stuff in the locker on behalf of the others. Since no one has to be the food police, there's a lot less tension and anger in our house - and it just wasn't me that was angry, it was the kids who had their snacks eaten that were really pissed at their brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s ADHD. Only another parent of a kid with ADHD will understand.

My adhd son lied non stop from about 11 until 13. I do feel like it’s a little better now but it was brutal for a while.
Lying about serious things, silly things, good things (I was the fastest in gym today for example).

We aren’t out of the woods but he’s getting to a point where he realized we didn’t trust him at all. It was affecting what he was allowed to do.

I’m hoping it’s a phase and we are coming out of it a bit but I don’t know for sure.

And yes, for us it was junk food and wrappers hidden in odd places too. My son is athletic and burns it off but the amount of junk was concerning.

It was also saying his homework was done and then seeing that he got a zero and never did any of it