Estranged Mother and Brother Trying to Reconnect

[Anonymous]

Have your Mother and Brother write separate letters to you about what they think they did wrong and why things are different now. Based on their letters decide if they are truly sorry for their behavior and realize the error of their ways and taking full responsibility. Or if they just want to sweep things under the rug "whoops, my bad. now let's forget what I did."

And even if you let them back into your life, you still dictate how much and how deep.

[Anonymous]

My mom suggested aborting my son after he was diagnosed with severe medical problems in utero.

We got over it. She's an excellent grandma to him. Ease back into contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom suggested aborting my son after he was diagnosed with severe medical problems in utero.

We got over it. She's an excellent grandma to him. Ease back into contact.

That’s also horrible but it’s totally different than OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, mom of child with HFA here. I would be in no hurry to reconnect. I come from a very superficial family too, but they accepted DC more and weren't as bad so i forgive them for a lot. My inlaws are superficial nuts and when they wanted to come back into our lives we said "Not hanks."

[Anonymous]

I think they probably do want something from you. You sound happy without them in your life. Honestly, I do not see any upside for you or your family to reengage.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry you went through that and I'm sorry your son was rejected. How incredibly hurtful.

I wouldn't reconnect. They were not willing to be there during the hard years and now that they see he is thriving they have decided contact is ok. No. Any slip ups that your son makes will be responded to harshly. I wouldn't want to risk them being around my child and making any remarks that would be hurtful.

I would protect my child. I know people would say its family but this family rejected their grandson and nephew for a decade, that speaks volumes. I can't believe they blamed you rather than be supportive, really OP you don't need these types of people in your life. They have shown you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom suggested aborting my son after he was diagnosed with severe medical problems in utero.

We got over it. She's an excellent grandma to him. Ease back into contact.

Totally different to OP.

[Anonymous]

17:57 here: I wanted to add that your mother and brother haven't reached out to you personally, they haven't actually done anything at all. Your aunt has simply asked you and really she shouldn't be getting involved.

If your mother or brother were serious they would contact you themselves with an actual apology and olive branch.

Don't get drawn into this, your aunt has overstepped and you deserve much more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry your family treated you and your son this way. Inexcusable and I would also be very wary about subjecting my ds to them for fear of him getting hurt.

Curious, what ethnicity is your family? First generation American?

OP: Indeed they are. I was born here though.

NP. I’m a foreigner and think the story is disgusting. No reason to excuse their behavior.

Keep them away the same way you always did. Restraining orders are for dangerous situations or stalkers.

[Anonymous]

OP, see what they are bringing to the table.

Amendments can mean many things to many people.

You can not rewrite the beginning but you can write an ending.

See what they have to offer. Then decide, with cold steady head. You don't need them now, they need you
but also maybe their presence in your life can bring something new and different provided they will make up in some way.

Forgiveness is tough but rewarding, you can forgive and not to reconcile but you also can reconcile and not to forgive and not show either..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:57 here: I wanted to add that your mother and brother haven't reached out to you personally, they haven't actually done anything at all. Your aunt has simply asked you and really she shouldn't be getting involved.

If your mother or brother were serious they would contact you themselves with an actual apology and olive branch.

Don't get drawn into this, your aunt has overstepped and you deserve much more than that.

In diplomacy you often try the side channels first to see if there is a chance for serious talks. This way you protect both sides from greater hurt equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give them ONE chance and just meet with them without DC. Sometimes people change and you have not seen or talked to them for a long time.

Zero chance I would do this. What if DC’s memory of grandma is her saying something absolutely horrible to him

[Anonymous]

To those who are absolutely no reconnection..

How else you can change the world if you can not give a second chance that might benefit you in some way.

Many people are stupid, emotionally primitive and underinformed and takes them YEARS to arrive and see they were immature
and incapable of seeing things.

I think sometimes you can connect on different level with older people that many years later they are just different people and see things differntly and see the harm they did.

If not, and if they would exhibit the same thinking then sure, no way but otherwise I would consider.

OP, the family dies gradually out, and with each person you will see your world shrinking so before you shut the door for good, you may want to consider cool relationships better then nobody in your life.

sometimes a reconciled sinner is much better person then those who are warm and then cool.

[Anonymous]

OP

No and no.

OP move on and don't look back. Your child is what is important here, your immediate family is important.

You don't need the added stress of people who are dumb as rocks.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need a restraining order if you have successfully kept your distance all these years? Are they physically abusive?