From friends to lovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went from close friends to lovers and back to close friends. From my perspective, everything that I value so much about him I can get from a friend. We are too

We are too similar in certain ways for it to work out romantically. What’s interesting, the woman he married is a total opposite of me, and my husband is a total opposite of him. Our spouses share the same profession and get along very well.

[Anonymous]

My wife thought she and I were friends first, but really I was just waiting for my shot. Men and women can’t be friends like men and men or women and women, if all parties are reasonably attractive someone always wants a little more.
We’ve been together for 24 years now.

[Anonymous]

I am aware of several “friendships” that turned into affairs. Of the 5 or 6, I am thinking of, 2 ended up divorcing their spouses and marrying.

[Anonymous]

I tried it twice with no success.

If I had to pinpoint the two main reasons, I would say that it was because A) Our years of platonic friendship were apparently one-sided. B) Their "friendship personality" was different from their "relationship personality."

They both held feelings for years, so when we started dating they came into it guns blazing whereas I was a little slower in trying to get to know them in that way. Yes, I know you and everything about you as a friend, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to make a baby a month later. The first one said "I love you" on our second date. The other one wanted to not use protection so we could have a baby on our first time doing it. It's as if our years of friendship were supposed to automatically transfer over as some kind of relationship credit. And that leads to the next problem.

Both of them were wonderful friends. We had so much in common and could talk for hours day after day. The minute we started a relationship, it all changed. The conversations changed. They weren't as open maybe out of fear that I would now be judging them as a partner instead of accepting them as a friend. They were possessive or clingy in ways that they weren't before. The confidence that I admired as a friend turned into low self esteem and fear that I wouldn't like them as a partner. Sadly, I think a friend with benefits situation would have been a better springboard into a relationship. I dated them years apart. I'm still friends with one. I haven't spoken to the other since I broke it off years ago.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I started out as platonic for several months. We’d go out dancing or to see bands. Then when we realized we were hanging out 5 nights a week we decided to date and get physical. Together 25 yrs

[Anonymous]

I can think of 5 times I started dating / sleeping with a friend.

3 times, it ruined a good friendship when the dating went downhill.

1 time, we went back to being friends.

1 time, we got married. Almost 20 years later, we're still happy.

The odds may not be great, but when it works, it makes up for all of the gambles that didn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife thought she and I were friends first, but really I was just waiting for my shot. Men and women can’t be friends like men and men or women and women, if all parties are reasonably attractive someone always wants a little more.
We’ve been together for 24 years now.

my dh says that about me. i like to think that the lust grew from being friends, but dh says he was always interested in me. been together 33 years. very happily married and really good sex life..

[Anonymous]

We did start out as friends, though I was attracted to him pretty early on & in denial about it for a while. After a few months, I let him know I was interested. He didn’t appear to reciprocate those feelings then, but we keep hanging out a lot & remained friends. A couple of months later, he asked me out.
We’ve been together for 23 years & married almost 13 years. Still happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Share your experience.
How did it worked out?

It's been great! We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. Things progressed quickly after that (got married a year after we started dating, had a kid 2 years after that). We've been married for 5.5 years.

[Anonymous]

I dated my friend of 15 years. We are both single parents and met at our kid’s nursery school. When we first met, he was going through a divorce and I was the friend he leaned on to get through it. We remained friends, sometimes not talking for a while, but always there for each other. A few years ago we began talking more frequently because once again he was going through a hurtful breakup with the woman he had been dating for the past 7 years. We hung out more so he could talk and I would listen and try to give advice. One day he gave me a neck massage, which he had done before, nothing romantic, but this time it turned more physical and romantic. No sex. I felt weird about it, but he didn’t. I tried to continue to help him win back his relationship even more because of my guilt. He had tried to go to counseling with her, but she ended the relationship because she said didn’t love him anymore. Not long after all of that we began to date and we dated for two years. Out of nowhere he broke up with me telling me that I was not affectionate enough. In the two years we dated I never told anyone that our friendship had changed. Most importantly, I was worried how our kids, who are now teenagers would react. I was always worried that our relationship was a rebound relationship, but he always tried to convince me otherwise. I loved him so much that I believed him, even though he would still talk about his ex frequently and refused to do the work that one must do to get over a relationship. He just wanted to keep moving along with me. I knew it was not a good idea, but my feelings about him allowed it. After he broke up with me I found out that the woman he is dating now he started dating while we were together. It’s why he refused to work things out with me and insisted that we had to break up. It really hurt me . He blamed me for everything and told me that I hurt him so much that he didn’t want the relationship anymore. At the time I had no idea he had already moved on and was devastated that I was responsible for hurting him and causing the break up. I went to get therapy to work on the list of things that he told me that caused him to leave me. I had no idea he felt all of this during the relationship he never uttered a word! So when I found out the real reason he broke it off with me and didn’t want to work on the relationship I was beyond devastated! At the end of our relationship I tried to communicate with him and he basically ghosted me. A person I talked to 5 times a day, who called me every morning to say good morning and spent so much time with me and our kids, wouldn’t even return a phone call or see me in person to talk! I was trying so hard to work on us, not knowing he had started a whole new relationship! I had even asked him repeatedly if there was someone else and he kept saying no. 15 years of friendship and he broke it off with me on the phone and over email and text messages. He refused to speak in person. Now that I know about his new girlfriend that he met during our relationship, I know why he didn’t want to face me. It hurt. It still hurts. We are no longer friends and I regret ever getting involved with him.

[Anonymous]

We divorced. We had a great low drama relationship with lots of laughter and plenty of good sex but he needed something else. I don't know what that something else is but not my problem anymore.

[Anonymous]

This never worked out for me. The lack of an initial intense spark was the problem. I don’t think long term marriage is very sustainable if you don’t have a burning physical attraction. If you’re cool with eventually never having sex and just having a roommate I guess it could work.

[Anonymous]

I met DH through work, we were both dating other people at the time. We were friends for two years. I broke up with my BF and realized I had feelings for him, but he was in a long term relationship. Then he realized he had feelings for me, broke up w his GF, and told me. We have been together ever since- married for ten years, three kids, still happy.

I was worried about sexual compatibility but couldn’t not try it out- and luckily we are very compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated my friend of 15 years. We are both single parents and met at our kid’s nursery school. When we first met, he was going through a divorce and I was the friend he leaned on to get through it. We remained friends, sometimes not talking for a while, but always there for each other. A few years ago we began talking more frequently because once again he was going through a hurtful breakup with the woman he had been dating for the past 7 years. We hung out more so he could talk and I would listen and try to give advice. One day he gave me a neck massage, which he had done before, nothing romantic, but this time it turned more physical and romantic. No sex. I felt weird about it, but he didn’t. I tried to continue to help him win back his relationship even more because of my guilt. He had tried to go to counseling with her, but she ended the relationship because she said didn’t love him anymore. Not long after all of that we began to date and we dated for two years. Out of nowhere he broke up with me telling me that I was not affectionate enough. In the two years we dated I never told anyone that our friendship had changed. Most importantly, I was worried how our kids, who are now teenagers would react. I was always worried that our relationship was a rebound relationship, but he always tried to convince me otherwise. I loved him so much that I believed him, even though he would still talk about his ex frequently and refused to do the work that one must do to get over a relationship. He just wanted to keep moving along with me. I knew it was not a good idea, but my feelings about him allowed it. After he broke up with me I found out that the woman he is dating now he started dating while we were together. It’s why he refused to work things out with me and insisted that we had to break up. It really hurt me . He blamed me for everything and told me that I hurt him so much that he didn’t want the relationship anymore. At the time I had no idea he had already moved on and was devastated that I was responsible for hurting him and causing the break up. I went to get therapy to work on the list of things that he told me that caused him to leave me. I had no idea he felt all of this during the relationship he never uttered a word! So when I found out the real reason he broke it off with me and didn’t want to work on the relationship I was beyond devastated! At the end of our relationship I tried to communicate with him and he basically ghosted me. A person I talked to 5 times a day, who called me every morning to say good morning and spent so much time with me and our kids, wouldn’t even return a phone call or see me in person to talk! I was trying so hard to work on us, not knowing he had started a whole new relationship! I had even asked him repeatedly if there was someone else and he kept saying no. 15 years of friendship and he broke it off with me on the phone and over email and text messages. He refused to speak in person. Now that I know about his new girlfriend that he met during our relationship, I know why he didn’t want to face me. It hurt. It still hurts. We are no longer friends and I regret ever getting involved with him.

Sorry PP. There was your warning sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went from close friends to lovers and back to close friends. From my perspective, everything that I value so much about him I can get from a friend. We are too

We are too similar in certain ways for it to work out romantically. What’s interesting, the woman he married is a total opposite of me, and my husband is a total opposite of him. Our spouses share the same profession and get along very well.

Sounds like there was just no sexual chemistry.