Mom friends when the kids grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

NP. So one family gets to ruin the fun for everyone else?

OP, if you are fine losing the friendship, then I’d proceed without the one family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

NP. So one family gets to ruin the fun for everyone else?

OP, if you are fine losing the friendship, then I’d proceed without the one family.

It doesn’t necessarily seem like everyone else agrees.

[Anonymous]

You’re modeling healthy friendships for your kids. If it’s a friend that isn’t nice to you, don’t set that example for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

The woman with the out of control child she refuses to discipline is the one being mean. OP would not be mean to follow my advice. She'd just ... not be a pushover.

Often the adult who stands up to the mean girl ends up on the outs. I've seen it happen.

+1

I actually know of TWO separate situations where this happened. Seemed pretty cut and dry who the mean one was – tons of incredibly mean and hurtful things done and said including to people stuck in the middle, and situations involving kids that one would think unforgivable - And yet the one who was “not a pushover” as you describe it ended up worse off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

The woman with the out of control child she refuses to discipline is the one being mean. OP would not be mean to follow my advice. She'd just ... not be a pushover.

Often the adult who stands up to the mean girl ends up on the outs. I've seen it happen.

+1

I actually know of TWO separate situations where this happened. Seemed pretty cut and dry who the mean one was – tons of incredibly mean and hurtful things done and said including to people stuck in the middle, and situations involving kids that one would think unforgivable - And yet the one who was “not a pushover” as you describe it ended up worse off.

This is so depressing - but I believe you.

The person who has no issue letting her kid physically hurt others is not going to magically develop a moral compass. I can see this type of person getting very nasty and defensive if someone calls out her parenting.

[Anonymous]

How ingrained is the 'Mean Mother' in your daily life? Do you live in the same neighborhood? On the same street? Do your kids go to school together? Are you part of the same social/religious community?

If you cut her out, would you still have to see her every day (or regularly?)

If you can do a clean break, I'd say go for it. But if you're going to have an epic Halloween party, and then see her at drop off on Friday, then it's going to take some thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How ingrained is the 'Mean Mother' in your daily life? Do you live in the same neighborhood? On the same street? Do your kids go to school together? Are you part of the same social/religious community?

If you cut her out, would you still have to see her every day (or regularly?)

If you can do a clean break, I'd say go for it. But if you're going to have an epic Halloween party, and then see her at drop off on Friday, then it's going to take some thinking.

We are not in the same school pyramid. We live about 15 minutes away from one another. Unlikely we will bump into one another unless it is at a mutual friend’s house. My kids also don’t have similar interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ingrained is the 'Mean Mother' in your daily life? Do you live in the same neighborhood? On the same street? Do your kids go to school together? Are you part of the same social/religious community?

If you cut her out, would you still have to see her every day (or regularly?)

If you can do a clean break, I'd say go for it. But if you're going to have an epic Halloween party, and then see her at drop off on Friday, then it's going to take some thinking.

We are not in the same school pyramid. We live about 15 minutes away from one another. Unlikely we will bump into one another unless it is at a mutual friend’s house. My kids also don’t have similar interests.

Then go ahead and have your party and don’t invite her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ingrained is the 'Mean Mother' in your daily life? Do you live in the same neighborhood? On the same street? Do your kids go to school together? Are you part of the same social/religious community?

If you cut her out, would you still have to see her every day (or regularly?)

If you can do a clean break, I'd say go for it. But if you're going to have an epic Halloween party, and then see her at drop off on Friday, then it's going to take some thinking.

We are not in the same school pyramid. We live about 15 minutes away from one another. Unlikely we will bump into one another unless it is at a mutual friend’s house. My kids also don’t have similar interests.

Then go ahead and have your party and don’t invite her.

Your house, your party, your rules. Don't invite her. Maybe include other friends so her absence isn't quite so obvious? Your DD could invite a school friend, for example. Or neighbors..kind of "pad" the party so it's not just all the friend group families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ingrained is the 'Mean Mother' in your daily life? Do you live in the same neighborhood? On the same street? Do your kids go to school together? Are you part of the same social/religious community?

If you cut her out, would you still have to see her every day (or regularly?)

If you can do a clean break, I'd say go for it. But if you're going to have an epic Halloween party, and then see her at drop off on Friday, then it's going to take some thinking.

We are not in the same school pyramid. We live about 15 minutes away from one another. Unlikely we will bump into one another unless it is at a mutual friend’s house. My kids also don’t have similar interests.

Then go ahead and have your party and don’t invite her.

Your house, your party, your rules. Don't invite her. Maybe include other friends so her absence isn't quite so obvious? Your DD could invite a school friend, for example. Or neighbors..kind of "pad" the party so it's not just all the friend group families.

This is the way to do it. Invite a few extra families to each event. Especially for the Halloween party it’s a good idea to let your daughter invite her friends and their families. For Friendsgiving, invite a couple neighbors. You can easily stop inviting this mom to your house.

[Anonymous]

Just stop doing Friendsgiving and all this stuff with other families to begin with, my goodness. Focus on your own family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop doing Friendsgiving and all this stuff with other families to begin with, my goodness. Focus on your own family!

We celebrate with our families too. I absolutely love Friendsgiving. Sadly in our circle, the mom i no longer like is the one who invited us to a Thanksgiving/holiday party at her house a decade ago. Over the years, we take turns hosting and organizing outings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

The woman with the out of control child she refuses to discipline is the one being mean. OP would not be mean to follow my advice. She'd just ... not be a pushover.

Often the adult who stands up to the mean girl ends up on the outs. I've seen it happen.

+1

I actually know of TWO separate situations where this happened. Seemed pretty cut and dry who the mean one was – tons of incredibly mean and hurtful things done and said including to people stuck in the middle, and situations involving kids that one would think unforgivable - And yet the one who was “not a pushover” as you describe it ended up worse off.

This is so depressing - but I believe you.

The person who has no issue letting her kid physically hurt others is not going to magically develop a moral compass. I can see this type of person getting very nasty and defensive if someone calls out her parenting.

This person will always, always have a gaslighting-type excuse for their behavior. I too have seen the one who stood up to the bully get backlash (bully held her closest people VERY close and manipulated them consistently; others didn't want to deal with the nasty backlash for 'crossing' her so tried to stay neutral, etc). Don't assume that because you're on the right side morally that it will shake out that way (unfortunately).

Watch for people who never apologize or take any sense of responsibility for their or their childrens' behavior. Mean Mom here sounds like that type.