Mom friends when the kids grow up

[Anonymous]

A group of moms became very good friends when our kids were toddlers and babies. Our families would often get together for play dates, outings, adult only outings and vacations. We would often celebrate holidays together. I.e. Friendsgiving week before actual thanksgiving, Easter brunch together, group mother’s day spa outings. It was a special group.

Our oldest kids are now 9-11yo. One family has a child no one wants their children around. Mom acts very superior and things are going south fast. Mom talks to others as if we are children. Mom has said she doesn’t believe in punishment and her kids are out of control. I actually don’t feel like my child is safe around her one child.

Is it ok to cut out just the one family?

Has this happened to anyone before?

I love to host. I want to host a Halloween party and also Friendsgiving but I’m hesitant because I don’t want to invite this one family.

Our other friends want to go skiing together winter break and I don’t want to commit. Basically if the other family is coming, I’m out.

[Anonymous]

Time to move to adults only events. The kids will likely stop wanting to hang out together soon anyways..for their own friends rather than children of your friends.

[Anonymous]

Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to force these situations especially if the kids are different genders. With the kids being 10-11, do they even hang out with the parents as a group anymore? It's not like you're doing playdates.

[Anonymous]

This person says she 'doesn't believe in punishment?'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

Op here. I’m definitely not being a mean girl here. If anything, she and her daughter are the mean girls. Her daughter has hurt my daughter both physically and emotionally. I have left multiple events early because of her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to force these situations especially if the kids are different genders. With the kids being 10-11, do they even hang out with the parents as a group anymore? It's not like you're doing playdates.

How is your kids relationship with the others in the group?

If your kids are friends with her kids, then you should transition to adult only events. There’s no graceful way to exclude them as a family. If your kids aren’t friends with them and they like the other friends’ kids, then it’s fine to exclude them.

[Anonymous]

How many families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

Op here. I’m definitely not being a mean girl here. If anything, she and her daughter are the mean girls. Her daughter has hurt my daughter both physically and emotionally. I have left multiple events early because of her daughter.

Has anyone spoken to her about her daughter's behavior?

If you've all been doing things together as a group for over a decade, is this new behavior? I agree that 'cutting' one family after that long seems very cruel, but this can't be new on the kid's part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

The woman with the out of control child she refuses to discipline is the one being mean. OP would not be mean to follow my advice. She'd just ... not be a pushover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally okay to cut out one person, if everyone agrees. Nobody likes the kid OR the parent. You don't owe loyalty. Friendships change.

This is nasty. Mean girls become mean adults.

The woman with the out of control child she refuses to discipline is the one being mean. OP would not be mean to follow my advice. She'd just ... not be a pushover.

Often the adult who stands up to the mean girl ends up on the outs. I've seen it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to force these situations especially if the kids are different genders. With the kids being 10-11, do they even hang out with the parents as a group anymore? It's not like you're doing playdates.

How is your kids relationship with the others in the group?

If your kids are friends with her kids, then you should transition to adult only events. There’s no graceful way to exclude them as a family. If your kids aren’t friends with them and they like the other friends’ kids, then it’s fine to exclude them.

My kids are not friends with her kids. When the big group gets together, everyone has a playmate. I never get together alone with this one family.

She went back to work when I had my third child. She has said so many annoying comments over the years. I started noticing more after her child physically hurt my child and did nothing about it. I was more bothered by her lack of parenting than the actual offense. Then I started noticing more bad things and now I want to avoid them altogether.

[Anonymous]

Are any other kids the target or do they always go after your daughter?

If there are other children who are targeted, I would talk to their parents and see about some strategies and bring up the possibility of having events without the mom.

The easiest, least confrontational way to handle this is to simply have smaller gatherings and never include her. For example, if there are 5 families in your group, you invite 3 families to your house at a time - never including her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to force these situations especially if the kids are different genders. With the kids being 10-11, do they even hang out with the parents as a group anymore? It's not like you're doing playdates.

How is your kids relationship with the others in the group?

If your kids are friends with her kids, then you should transition to adult only events. There’s no graceful way to exclude them as a family. If your kids aren’t friends with them and they like the other friends’ kids, then it’s fine to exclude them.

My kids are not friends with her kids. When the big group gets together, everyone has a playmate. I never get together alone with this one family.

She went back to work when I had my third child. She has said so many annoying comments over the years. I started noticing more after her child physically hurt my child and did nothing about it. I was more bothered by her lack of parenting than the actual offense. Then I started noticing more bad things and now I want to avoid them altogether.

What does this mean? Do each of your children invite a friend over? That seems chaotic.