Reasonable Bedtime for 14 year old Girl?

[Anonymous]

^ this is one of those things that is taught young. Families that develop strong bedtime routines throughout early childhood tend to have teens that continue as they age. Families where there is little structure and kids are walking around all hours of the night tend to have teens up on their iPhones all night long.

[Anonymous]

Summer midnight in less she has to be somewhere. I don't believe in waking kids. Let them see if they have no where to go.

[Anonymous]

DS 14 - rising freshmen. 11 pm bedtime and all electronics off by that time in summer. He's a gamer, so if he's in the middle of a specific game or has a friend on that only gets on later in the evenings, he can ask to stay up until 11:30 pm or Midnight - but never past midnight. He doesn't ask for that very often.

Once school starts in a few weeks. 10 - 10:30 pm depending on sports and homework. His bus will pick him up at 7:20 am, so we'll see how tired he is in the morning after a week or so. He has a travel sport he does 6 days a week, plus were now adding in high school homework (including a bunch of honors classes), so we'll see where those bedtimes fall out. Initially, no gaming during the school week until we feel he has a handle on sports and homework. Then, if he has everything done, he can add the gaming back in during the week when he has time. It will be trail and error I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she going to be a freshman in high school?

In my house, we enforced weekday bedtimes until high school.

I have a 14 year old DD who is a rising freshman. Here are our new rules

Screen time and bed times are managed by her - she decides as long as
she does her responsibilities, exercises, does school work, and isn't annoying (must come nicely when called, etc) and gets up on time to do things (no one can sleep until 3 at my house because we have stuff to do), As and Bs in school (since she can do that).

Phone gets plugged in downstairs before she goes to bed - so she can stay up all night texting but when she goes to bed, phone is charged. No phones waking up my kid in the middle of the night. No phones at family dinners, everyone has to do some family time.

she can't bother anyone who goes to sleep before her

I can still take the phone for misbehavior or if she violates above rules


I have been doing this with my older DS since he started high school and it basically works fine and he has learned to be independent. I know he will be ready to manage himself when he goes to college.

So she can text as long as she is downstairs in a common area? Then when it's time to go up to bed she leaves the phone charging down there? Or she's texting in her room but then brings the phone down to charge before going to sleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ this is one of those things that is taught young. Families that develop strong bedtime routines throughout early childhood tend to have teens that continue as they age. Families where there is little structure and kids are walking around all hours of the night tend to have teens up on their iPhones all night long.

OP here. Yes. We have strong bedtime routines and at the other house anything goes. We could roll with it on an occasional weekend visit. Now that she has a taste of it for almost a month she doesn't want to go back to a more structured schedule.

[Anonymous]

Mine is 13, so maybe a year makes a difference, but we do bedtime between 9 and 10 a.m. year-round, unless there is a special event (e.g., going to a show or game downtown, sleepover party, etc.) Phone is downstairs then. She is consistently an early riser, and gets irrational when she hasn't had enough sleep. She also goes to summer camp, so can't sleep till noon. She is very active and really is tired by 9 or 10. I have another tween that goes to sleep between 10 and 11, and typically gets up later (sleeps in till 9 or so on weekends, up by 7 or 8 on weekdays).

In contrast, I regularly stayed up late when I was a teen, but I had nowhere to go over the summer, so would often sleep until 2 p.m. It probably wasn't the greatest, as I was often sort of depressed and developed bad sleep habits that have persisted through my life.

Even if she doesn't have anywhere to go, I think anything beyond midnight is unreasonable and probably unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

I am a big believer in sleep or at least rest. My dd14 will be lights out at 9:30 for the upcoming 9th grade school year, Sunday thru Thursday. No phone after 9 pm. Unless she gets home late and needs to study or wind down. She'll need to be up by 6 to get to school on time. In the summer it changes but I have a kid who needs sleep to function and not be a bear or grumpy kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have eased her backwards by an hour each night, rather than have her come home and force her backwards by six hours.

I'd tell her I don't care what her cousins do - I care what she does. And I'd reach out to her closest friends' parents and say "Hey, Leah told me all the kids start texting each other after 10pm, but just wanted to let you know, Leah's phone is taken away for the evening at 10pm so she won't be replying until the next day."

OP here. We eased back into a normal schedule over the course of a week.

[Anonymous]

My 14 yr old this summer has learned when they are tired and to go to sleep. A combination of sleep away camp for teens and being home and having a job they take very seriously.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: My kids are expected to be able to set their own sleep schedules and to function normally without any help from me. My adult sons have had no problem on their jobs (all of them live far from me) and my teenage kids also have no problems at school because of their personal set schedules (my 17 yr old just moved in with an older brother and his family, so is also very far away). I am dying, and I do not know how long I have left, plus I had a close call last year. My kids MUST learn to navigate on their own. Life is tough, so I raise competent men and women.

[Anonymous]

DD is 15.5 (going into 10th grade).

Phone away, devices and screens off by 7:30pm. Showers at 9, bedtime 9:30ish.

During the summer it shifts later but by no more than 30 min (so bedtime by 10).

Critical for mental and physical health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to begin allowing your teen to regulate their own sleep patterns. If she doesn't get enough sleep on a school night at age 14+, let her learn from it before she goes to college in a few years. You can suggest she get some sleep, but enforcing a bedtime for a 15-year-old is something no parent should be doing anymore. Do you cut her meat, too?

Sure. Because teenagers are so great at regulating themselves and making decisions that put their health over their immediate desires. And kids who don't have enough sleep are even better at that regulating.

Your comparison to helping her get enough sleep to cutting food is ridiculous. Why didn't you suggest that she drink alcohol and try drugs? After all, she'll need to learn how to deal with those things at college. At 14, it's better that she knows how to handle them, right?


How old are your teenagers? Or do you even have kids?

+10000. I want these "well, they'll learn their lesson if they're tired in the morning!" people to come hang out in my first period class.
-high school teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to begin allowing your teen to regulate their own sleep patterns. If she doesn't get enough sleep on a school night at age 14+, let her learn from it before she goes to college in a few years. You can suggest she get some sleep, but enforcing a bedtime for a 15-year-old is something no parent should be doing anymore. Do you cut her meat, too?

Honest question: what's the benefit of her having four years to regulate her own schedule before college, over, say, one year? Or one summer? Conversely, why shouldn't 10-year-olds be regulating their own sleep, or 6-year-olds?

Dp. You are being dishonest if you don't think there is adifference in age between a 6 year old and a 10 year old or a 10 year old and a 14 year old or a 14 and an 18 year old.

You can't treat a six year old the same as a ten year old or a 14 with an 18 year old. The idea is you give the tools of what works than when they are older and you loosen the rules they know what they should do. Not many six year olds know this and that is why you enforce good eating habits, bedtime. Homework and exercise and limit the social media and screens.

But, you knew that right, pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to begin allowing your teen to regulate their own sleep patterns. If she doesn't get enough sleep on a school night at age 14+, let her learn from it before she goes to college in a few years. You can suggest she get some sleep, but enforcing a bedtime for a 15-year-old is something no parent should be doing anymore. Do you cut her meat, too?

Sure. Because teenagers are so great at regulating themselves and making decisions that put their health over their immediate desires. And kids who don't have enough sleep are even better at that regulating.

Your comparison to helping her get enough sleep to cutting food is ridiculous. Why didn't you suggest that she drink alcohol and try drugs? After all, she'll need to learn how to deal with those things at college. At 14, it's better that she knows how to handle them, right?


How old are your teenagers? Or do you even have kids?

+10000. I want these "well, they'll learn their lesson if they're tired in the morning!" people to come hang out in my first period class.
-high school teacher

Dp. High school starts too early for teens. It should be 9-5 and a few of those hours they could do homework, sports or learn a skill such as cooking,balancing a budget, mental health, relationships

[Anonymous]

She can pack her
Bags and move to her cousins house