How to handle power struggles with 5 year old
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| newly minted 5 year old child does the same in our household. Summer is also throwing a big wrench in the routine so I think that is contributing. Others have offered good suggestions. |
Anonymous
| At least your child runs out of the room to have their crying fit. Mine just glues herself to me and acts like a maniac when she's in moods like this. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Situation # 1 "Dinner is ready, come to the table" no menu announcement, just an instruction. If he fails to show up, remind him once and eat without him. One missed meal will not hurt a healthy 5 year old. Situation # 2 Set a timer when the TV time begins. You can't argue with a clock. You can even get one that turns the TV off. If he wails and moans, no TV tomorrow. Situation #3 'Its time to get cleaned up and make dinner, come into the kitchen and let's get started' 5 year olds can be very helpful in the kitchen. Plus it makes them feel important. May also help with situation #1 since kid will be invested in the dinner. |
Anonymous
Try reading How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen. Lots of good suggestions about how to turn those situations around and get cooperation without power struggle. For example, child asks "what can I do?" -- don't answer. Play along . . . hmm, I don't know. <offer some silly, playful suggestions -- "Could you fly up to the ceiling? Maybe fly all around and check whether there are any tiny bugs up there that we can't see from down here." Child will say NOOO! and laugh but then come up with their own ideas. "But I haven't watched any TV today." "I know, it's crazy but I think the TV is invisible. All this time you were sitting here and watching the wall!" Upbeat, playful tone. Or try to get them to say what they feel without telling them. "How are you feeling about not having watched any TV today?" Child -- "I want to watch more!" You (give in fantasy what can't be given in reality): "I wish I could give you a TV that as on all the time, until 8 PM at night, just playing all your shows." As they talk about what they want they might actually move on from it and get it out of their system. It sounds to me like your child feels silenced and is dramatizing that by removing himself from the conversation and from the family space. You might want to play around with ways to give the feeling that he is "heard," even if the boundaries remain firm. > |
Anonymous
Oh, bull! He storms out because he's a spoiled brat. Good swat on the bottom will cure that. |
Anonymous
|
I liked the tips in ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’
My go to’s (for 2.5 yo) are: Make it a game: ie: i’ll Race you to the table..should we hop to the table..which car do you want to bring to the table? Offer a choice: you want to walk to the table or do you want me to carry you? Do you want to wash hands in bathroom sink or kitchen sink? But I also just let him tantrum and blow off steam. Seems like she needs some cool down/alone time sometimes and, maybe that’s ok. When she’s calm you could also try saying ‘it’s ok for you to go run to your room when you’re mad but it’s not ok to slam your door, as you could hurt the door or yourself. What are some other ways you can blow off steam?” |
Anonymous
| This is the time to help your child feel secure with you as the parent and them as the child. Set healthy boundaries and when they are exceeded help them to find their way back across the line. Life is not always what we want. Your child is discovering this and is finding their own way to cope. Running to your room is not an acceptable way to cope with disappointment and circumstances that do not please you. With my children I used the platitude, "this is life." and went on to explain that things are not always going to go your way and offered to help them to find acceptable ways to deal with it. I would give the runaway child a few minutes to calm down and then go up and " help" them to discover a better way of coping. You may need to get their attention by making an "adjustment" to their bottoms to help them realize that unacceptable behavior had taken place. Always after that tell them you love them and encourage a better response/behavior until they learn to accept help in working out a more acceptable response. This is a very normal procedure and teaching moment. I am praying for you as you both adjust to this new stage in development. There is more to come. |
Anonymous
|
I, too, love "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen," etc. I like the one where you goofily agree to the hyperbole: "You're right--we should have cookies for dinner! Do we have enough? Please, help me hunt down every cookie in the house...."
Sometimes, I also act out situations using whatever's on hand--salt and pepper shaker, etc. The salt calls the pepper to the table, and the pepper goes up to his room and slams the door. We all laugh. Then I say, How do we think this could go better? Or, how does the salt feel when the pepper runs away? I am being driven so nuts with my 5-year-old right now (for different reasons), so the advice here to show love as much as you can is helpful for me, too. Good luck! I hope you get over this hump. |
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
| You didn't share the most important thing for us to be able to help. Then what happens? How do you react? Do you leave them to cry it out? Talk with them? Ignore? Yell? |
Anonymous
|
#1 - let him sulk in his room and eat without him. You don’t come to the table for dinner, you don’t get dinner. Or cookies. Natural consequences.
#2 - set a timer on your phone and when the timer ends, TV time is over. He’s allowed to be mad/disappointed about it and throw a fit or whatever, his feelings are valid, but still no more TV. Just be firm about it. #3 - he runs to his room to cry, I don’t see a huge deal about it. He’s 5. They’re not known for being rational. Maybe the time alone in his room will be some good down time. |
Anonymous
|
You are over-explaining everything, for starters. Your child doesn't need an explanation to figure out you want him or her to eat dinner. Call everyone to the table, and sit down and start eating. If this child pouts and refuses to join you at the table, fine. But there is nothing else to eat but dinner. I would put my childrens' dinner plate in the refrigerator and it would reappear later when they admitted they were hungry. This phase didn't last long.
When my kids whined they were bored, I would say, "Great to hear! I need somebody to empty out the dishwasher/fold laundry/sweep/vacuum/rake the backyard." It's amazing how fast kids will find something to occupy their time as soon as you say this! They will learn not to say they're bored. When my kids would tantrum, I would tell them that when they calm down then they could come find me in the other room. Don't be their audience. Stay in control. You are the parent. |
Anonymous
|
I also avoid words like “enough” because we can have different definitions. I say, this is the last show. When he asks why, I say it’s because I said so. I know why that line isn’t great when it gets overused, but that’s the bottom line reason and ends the back and forth.
I also say, I don’t need you to agree with me that you have seen enough TV. I just need you to turn it off and we can find something else to do. Transitions are hard, especially from a favorite thing to an unknown thing! |