Male BFF

[Anonymous]

You’re wanting male attention that one gets from dating, not a BFF. You’re unhappily married and ripe for an affair. Explore your unhappy marriage and your issues with other women instead of seeking out yet another unhealthy situation.

[Anonymous]

You want a lover, not a friend.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single female and a couple of my very best friends are guys. There's no sexual interest with either one, on either person's part. We'll meet up for happy hour or museum visits or other things, though usually we end up meeting up with a bigger group, not just the two of us. The one dude is really, really short so people tend not to think we are a couple when we're not. The other dude is tall and attractive, so most of my friends assumed we were a thing when we started hanging out. They've finally figured out that we are not. (he's dated a few of my friends, which I'm cool with, as long as he doesn't dick them over and make things awkward for me.)

I have female friends too, though. I'm not really a BFF type person - I prefer mixing it up vs. hanging with one person all the time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's possible. One of my best friends is a guy I've known since college (20 years) and my DH also has some very close women friends. But I agree with others on this thread that it sounds like there are really other big issues at play here. I wish you luck, OP, in either reconnecting with your DH in a way that makes you happier, or in leaving him - where you are just sounds really unhealthy, undoubtedly for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single female and a couple of my very best friends are guys. There's no sexual interest with either one, on either person's part.

Uh huh. Invite them over to your place for a hookup. Think they'll say "no I'm not interested"?

[Anonymous]

OP here. For a variety of reasons I cannot leave DH right now. I need to make the best of it. It would be great if I got companionship from DH, but I don't. I don't think that should mean I'm just stuck with no social life. I like to be adventurous and have interesting convos. I have some female friends who I do stuff with. I just also happen to really enjoy listening to male point of views. I know the whole women who like to be friends with guys have issues line of thinking. I am who I am. I like to hang out with guys, always have. Was a daddy's girl growing up, maybe that has something to do with it, I dunno.

[Anonymous]

OP wants validation and male attention without having to provide sex.

But what's in it for the guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For a variety of reasons I cannot leave DH right now. I need to make the best of it. It would be great if I got companionship from DH, but I don't. I don't think that should mean I'm just stuck with no social life. I like to be adventurous and have interesting convos. I have some female friends who I do stuff with. I just also happen to really enjoy listening to male point of views. I know the whole women who like to be friends with guys have issues line of thinking. I am who I am. I like to hang out with guys, always have. Was a daddy's girl growing up, maybe that has something to do with it, I dunno.

It would be great if I got companionship from DH, but I don't. - Let's start with this. When did you stop getting companionship from DH? Obviously you had it at one point I mean that's primarily why people get married, companionship, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you hung up on having a male BFF instead of just a BFF of any gender?

I am wary of any woman who says she only gets along well with men, because you are dismissing half of the population out of hand. All of the things you mentioned doing with a "Male BFF" could be done with a woman.

It is possible, but I don't think you are a good candidate.

Usually women like this are damaged in some way or are seeking attention. It's just rational that you can't get along with any women.

So OP should dismiss 1/2 the population because you distrust women who have male friends?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s possible, but...

I have a friend like that. We’ve met 20 years ago, have been friends for several years, then dated for about a year, then decided that we’d be better off staying friends, then each of us got married, had kids, and so on. We talk regularly, meet for coffee once a week, have dinner together a few times a year. He is one of the closest and dearest people to me.

But, and here comes the “but” part, he is married, which means that his family comes first, and there are no hikes or movies anymore,he simply doesn’t have the bandwidth for it. I don’t particularly click with his spouse, he doesn’t click with mine, so there is no double dates or joint vacations. Bottom line, you can have a best male friend without any sexual undertones to the relationship, but be realistic in terms of the demands you put on him.

[Anonymous]

OP don't listen to the posters who try to drag you down. They're the same people on every thread that are constantly making others feel worse in an already bad situation.

You're situation is awful. You can't get out of it right now. Enough said, you don't have to justify your needs. Do you have a former male friend that you can reconnect with? Many past friends m/f, f/f, m/m reconnect thru social media. Try a meet up group based on your interests that includes men and women. The more the merrier and maybe you'll find a few.

I have two incredible male friends. Best male friend from HS and a colleague from a former job. They're amazing guys and I value them as much as my female friends. Guys are lighter, less dramatic and do offer a different perspective. Spoke with HS best friend last night while he was on the way home from a work event. We lift each other up. Many don't understand this kind of relationship and judge or assume. They don't know what their missing. If you're hoping to find a FWB, that's fine too, given your circumstances. Good luck. Wishing you a better path that ultimately fulfills your needs.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s possible, but...

I have a friend like that. We’ve met 20 years ago, have been friends for several years, then dated for about a year, then decided that we’d be better off staying friends, then each of us got married, had kids, and so on. We talk regularly, meet for coffee once a week, have dinner together a few times a year. He is one of the closest and dearest people to me.

But, and here comes the “but” part, he is married, which means that his family comes first, and there are no hikes or movies anymore,he simply doesn’t have the bandwidth for it. I don’t particularly click with his spouse, he doesn’t click with mine, so there is no double dates or joint vacations. Bottom line, you can have a best male friend without any sexual undertones to the relationship, but be realistic in terms of the demands you put on him.

Yes, so this is exactly what I want! It is good to know this exists. I totally understand family obligations. I have my own as well and would never neglect my kid. So there is no jealousy on his wife's part? I had a fair amount of guy friends before marriage, but the friendships faded because I felt like "the rules" say it's supposed to be over once you're married. In some instances men married wives who were uncomfortable with it, and even though the man could get away with being my friend, I backed off because I do not feel comfortable being a source of contention. It's important to me to respect anyone's wife.

[Anonymous]

Just where do you think you're going to find this male BFF? If he has a girlfriend or is married this will not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just where do you think you're going to find this male BFF? If he has a girlfriend or is married this will not work.