What does being a good mom look like to you?

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breath and realize that she is 6 and knows better how to push your buttons.
If she was talking and playing quietly, don't make a big deal next time. I mean, what was the big deal with she was just talking quietly?

[Anonymous]

Being calm as opposed to always rushed, annoyed or flustered. Having the tools (including money - love is NOT all you need) to provide my kids with the lifestyle I want them to grow up in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a deep breath and realize that she is 6 and knows better how to push your buttons.
If she was talking and playing quietly, don't make a big deal next time. I mean, what was the big deal with she was just talking quietly?

+1 Our rule at that age was you had to be in bed and lights out, not asleep. Really, you can't make someone sleep. If won't be quiet, then closing the door without any threatening or drama is a natural consequence. If she comes out, walk her back, quietly, no drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being calm as opposed to always rushed, annoyed or flustered. Having the tools (including money - love is NOT all you need) to provide my kids with the lifestyle I want them to grow up in.

Not even close your lifestyle crap. Many great moms are poor and still awesome providers. There is a reason we still sing, "can't buy my love."

[Anonymous]

Being a good mom means not thinking others are not, unless it's something egregious.

[Anonymous]

-Keeping my kids safe
-Meeting their basic physical and emotional needs (supporting them, teaching them about emotions and self-regulation, etc.)
-Taking care of myself enough so that I can provide them with the emotional support they need
-Parenting each individual kid in a way that is best for them, while maintaining consistency for all kids. Things are not always equal, but they should be fair
-Having fun with them when possible

Everything else. I will not model martyrism for them, because I don't want them to grow up to be martyrs. I want them to be independent, productive, decent human beings (knock wood and understanding that health issues may arise that limit these things). Those come in myriad forms, and I am far less concerned about specific achievements as I am about those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. I’m beating myself up over an incident last night and trying to determine if I was a good mom or not. If not, what to change. Larla, 6yo, bedtime after a few atypical prebed activities (making brownies, up a tad late, brush teeth again after allowed small bite to try). Laying in bed. Won’t stop talking playing. Larla, it is bedtime quiet. Not listening. Offer strike 1-2-3. Lose iPad for tech time (1 hour)tomorrow. Continue bad bedtime behavior (can I talk to dad, will you lag with me again, loud and keeping 4yo sister up). Larla, closing the door to your room if you can’t be quiet. Strike 1-2-3 chances, close bedroom door. She loses her everloving mind. “That was my worst nightmare, screaming, you are my mother you are supposed to be nice to me.” My heart is racing st this point. I go downstairs. Still screaming. Poor tired 4 yo. Long story short. I tell her to lay down quietly and I will come in. I feel bad. She is hyperventilating. I rub her back, promise to not shut door as punishment again, calm her. She falls asleep.

Holy moly. Does she need help? Is this normal?. Did I mess up in how it was handled? She is a challenge on occassion.

I had many of those nights with my son, don't beat yourself up. It was ONE night. You are a good mom, this happens to everyone sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. I’m beating myself up over an incident last night and trying to determine if I was a good mom or not. If not, what to change. Larla, 6yo, bedtime after a few atypical prebed activities (making brownies, up a tad late, brush teeth again after allowed small bite to try). Laying in bed. Won’t stop talking playing. Larla, it is bedtime quiet. Not listening. Offer strike 1-2-3. Lose iPad for tech time (1 hour)tomorrow. Continue bad bedtime behavior (can I talk to dad, will you lag with me again, loud and keeping 4yo sister up). Larla, closing the door to your room if you can’t be quiet. Strike 1-2-3 chances, close bedroom door. She loses her everloving mind. “That was my worst nightmare, screaming, you are my mother you are supposed to be nice to me.” My heart is racing st this point. I go downstairs. Still screaming. Poor tired 4 yo. Long story short. I tell her to lay down quietly and I will come in. I feel bad. She is hyperventilating. I rub her back, promise to not shut door as punishment again, calm her. She falls asleep.

Holy moly. Does she need help? Is this normal?. Did I mess up in how it was handled? She is a challenge on occassion.

I had many of those nights with my son, don't beat yourself up. It was ONE night. You are a good mom, this happens to everyone sometimes.

+1 If you never have a time when you child thinks you are being "mean", then you either have an extremely compliant child or you are, in fact, a bad mom who never sets any limits.

[Anonymous]

Kids who know they are loved no matter what and who also respect the people around them and show kindness and empathy. To me being a good mom manifests in the kind of humans I am raising.

And I am aware that I am very blessed to have children without significant delays or special needs that allow me to say that. For a lot of moms, being the one who keeps showing up and doing what they do every single day is what makes them amazing.

[Anonymous]

I don't look at moms and categorize them in my head into "good" and "bad". Please deal with your issues, whether it's self guilt, lack of confidence or having to judge others to feel better about yourself. Your child will inherit all of that.

[Anonymous]

None of us here will know if we were good moms until our kids grow up and show us the people we raised them to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unconditional love, but beyond that I think it can look differently depending on the child.

I love my two girls equally, but wow, I have mothered them so differently due to their personalities.

Be prepared for your girls to possibly never accept your reasons for doing this. This way of parenting backfired on both my MIL and my own mother in ways they never imagined possible.

Neither DH nor I are close to our siblings - or our parents, even though they were generally good people with good intentions.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of the characteristics listed, and I also feel like the best moms I know (the ones I aspire to be more like) seem to be the least judgmental of other moms, or are quick to commiserate with and be supportive of the women around them. Like truly supportive and optimistic, roll with the punches moms who don’t get their kicks from one-upping other women.

To me, good moms model acceptance of their kids’ quirks and failures and challenges, and they do the same with people around them. I have a couple of these wonderful women in my life and I thank my lucky stars for them every day, and will someday tell their children that they hit the Mom Jackpot!

[Anonymous]

Stability. Kid knows what to expect. Home is stable and loving. Reasonably clean. Food to eat. A place to relax. There is plenty of downtime. People in the home share the same general values.

[Anonymous]

In a broad sense, putting your child's needs above your own. Turning to the specifics...Having one parents who stays at home. Breastfeeding for at least a year. Home cooking fresh, simple, organic meals.