Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid

[Anonymous]

Keep it simple,

No, I have my hands full with my two and cannot babysit.

[Anonymous]

If you decide to do this you need to have set hours when she’s supposed to watch your kids. I like the idea of the date nights or just a work out class you want to take every week.

If she wants you to commit to Every Monday, she needs to commit to every Friday (or whatever.) That way if she flakes, you can cancel after the first or second week instead of waiting for the nebulous promise of “someday” reciprocity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep it simple,

No, I have my hands full with my two and cannot babysit.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Update, OP?

[Anonymous]

I had a "friend" who did something similar - insisted I could watch her DD after school for 30 minutes every day and she was even offering to pay me $5 a day. She tried to convince me how that extra $100 a month would make be great to have. She was so persistent. DD really needed down time after school and didn't want anyone around on a regular basis. Finally I told her that it just didn't work for my family's schedule and that I would be happy to jump in a pinch or maybe even her first week until she found someone permanent at no charge, because we are friends. I think in your situation I would offer to do this week -- no reciprocation expected while she finds someone permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor works very part-time, just 2 hours twice a week, and just texted (yes texted) asking if I would be fine with her bringing her DD over at 9am when she heads in to work, and she mentioned reciprocating. I have a baby at home who naps then, and it’s the time of day we are all quiet, and some days, my older child is still sleeping. I explained this, and she’s now negotiating (“What time would work?”)

In all honesty, while I really don’t like her approach, texting vs face-to-face, the idea of occasional reciprocation sounds nice. But at the same time, I hate to commit to giving up two late-mornings/early-afternoons a week, all summer. I realize she needs to set up something concrete, but I don’t think that can be me. I wouldn’t mind helping if it worked a particular week, but I can’t commit definitively.

I want to be as civil as possible when I respond, because I have to live next to her! How would you best explain that 9am will never work, that I can’t commit, but I wouldn’t be opposed to taking it week by week?

If you're actually open to reciprocation, then I would propose it up front.

"I know you're interested in trading childcare. My husband and I would love a weekly date night. If you're able to do that on Fridays or Saturdays, I'd be happy to have Lola here from 10 - 1 two days a week."

but I wouldn't do this on the basis of some kind of promise of reciprocation.

+1

I would do this if and only if there was concrete reciprocation as the PP stated. On Friday/Saturday night, or half a day on every Friday afternoon or whatever. Also, would her kid be the type to be incorporated into your quiet time easily? For my oldest it would have never been an issue to come and sit quietly in your home, but my youngest would have been dicey at some stages of his baby/toddlerhood.

I will say that we now have a relationship with a family with two similar age kids. They took care of my kids when my DH was on his deathbed (for real), no questions asked. We kept their kids for a week when they (and their parents) were out of town. We now just call each other if we have an event, or need to go out of town for a few days. It's really nice to be able to depend on someone for things like this. The key is that it is reciprocated and there is never the feeling that you are being taken advantage of. (and the kids get alont really well). If she is making vague promises and won't commit, I wouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Don’t say you can help in a pinch because she will still always ask. Just say something like- things are crazy right now so I can’t commit. Maybe later we can work something out. —- And then you can reevaluate later if you want some sort of regular childcare swap - or not!

[Anonymous]

I would try to clarify her intensions. “I’m happy to watch Larlo now and then but if you want to to discuss an ongoing arrangement, let’s get together to discuss.” Then come up with your terms. Either payment or a scheduled reciprocal arrangement. If neither of those are appealing, then tell her. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can commit to that schedule.”

[Anonymous]

Learning to say " no" is one of life's most important lessons. Tell her no and leave no opening

[Anonymous]

I personally prefer texting with this kind of stuff because you are not put on the spot. Say you can do this week but canr commit to the rest of the summer.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry I don't offer drop in child care services. I suggest looking into alternative care options.

[Anonymous]

What kind of job is 4 hours a week?

[Anonymous]

OP - you don't explain your "no". You just say, "no".

Explaining leads to negotiation, finding a way to make it work --- with this person

Better to assume that a simple, "no" is all you should say.

[Anonymous]

I'm with most of the others.

No.

To ask this without previously having discussed a childcare swap seems really presumptuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep it simple,

No, I have my hands full with my two and cannot babysit.

THIS

This!! ^^^