Vent - Instilling a love of reading

[Anonymous]

What are they choosing to do instead of reading? I think to some extent wanting to read comes out of being bored -- love of books & availability of books is important, but also downtime without the allure of screens. If you have a screen-free house and they still are choosing not to read, then maybe it's just not their thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are they choosing to do instead of reading? I think to some extent wanting to read comes out of being bored -- love of books & availability of books is important, but also downtime without the allure of screens. If you have a screen-free house and they still are choosing not to read, then maybe it's just not their thing.

I agree. I was a huge reader as a child, but I think it partly developed out of the fact that I was a shy quiet kid and there were few other sources of entertainment at home - no internet of course and kids tv only a few hours a day. I'm not sure what I would do if I were a kid now where basically instant entertainment exactly tailored to your tastes is available at your fingertips anytime you want it. I'd probably binge on youtube and games.

[Anonymous]

I am an English teacher. There’s ways to try and encourage kids to read but they aren’t foolproof. Some people just don’t like it and with kids now, you are competing with the instant gratification of screens. If something is boring, they scroll or move on. It’s hard to convince them to invest in a long story. That being said:

-simply reading in front of them and talking about what you’re reading helps
-offering tons and tons of books and LETTING THEM CHOOSE. Were you just picking Dr seuss and reading it before bed all those years? That could be part of the problem.
-mandatory reading time and associated writing assignments at home is killing any possible love they might have for it. You’ve made it work and unintentionally completely sabotaged your own plan to get them to want to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an English teacher. There’s ways to try and encourage kids to read but they aren’t foolproof. Some people just don’t like it and with kids now, you are competing with the instant gratification of screens. If something is boring, they scroll or move on. It’s hard to convince them to invest in a long story. That being said:

-simply reading in front of them and talking about what you’re reading helps
-offering tons and tons of books and LETTING THEM CHOOSE. Were you just picking Dr seuss and reading it before bed all those years? That could be part of the problem.
-mandatory reading time and associated writing assignments at home is killing any possible love they might have for it. You’ve made it work and unintentionally completely sabotaged your own plan to get them to want to read.

This is OP, and I want to clarify myself. I spent years NOT making them read, just hoping that doing these other things but not making it a chore would instill this love of reading. Both kids would test on the low end of on grade level or slightly below, depending on when they were tested. They are being raised in a book-heavy middle class home that values books and reading. This year I decided that I'm done with trying to instill the love of reading. When kids are below in math, no one says not to make them do math because it will destroy their love of math. Instead, they get tutors and more math practice! Reading has benefits even if you don't enjoy it for pleasure. Increases vocabulary, helps with all other subjects, helps with standardized tests. They still get to choose the book, but I make them put in the 20 minutes a day. One is now reading solidly at grade level and the younger is slightly above. (I do choose the book I read at night - which is an activity they enjoy - but I'm good at choosing books they like).

We do not have a completely screen free home. That probably would have helped, but I don't want to be completely screen free myself. They have screen limits and when not on screens, one chooses basketball and the other likes playing with toys. They are only 9 & 11, so I guess there is still time for them to decide they like to read, but I'm not waiting for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an English teacher. There’s ways to try and encourage kids to read but they aren’t foolproof. Some people just don’t like it and with kids now, you are competing with the instant gratification of screens. If something is boring, they scroll or move on. It’s hard to convince them to invest in a long story. That being said:

-simply reading in front of them and talking about what you’re reading helps
-offering tons and tons of books and LETTING THEM CHOOSE. Were you just picking Dr seuss and reading it before bed all those years? That could be part of the problem.
-mandatory reading time and associated writing assignments at home is killing any possible love they might have for it. You’ve made it work and unintentionally completely sabotaged your own plan to get them to want to read.

This is OP, and I want to clarify myself. I spent years NOT making them read, just hoping that doing these other things but not making it a chore would instill this love of reading. Both kids would test on the low end of on grade level or slightly below, depending on when they were tested. They are being raised in a book-heavy middle class home that values books and reading. This year I decided that I'm done with trying to instill the love of reading. When kids are below in math, no one says not to make them do math because it will destroy their love of math. Instead, they get tutors and more math practice! Reading has benefits even if you don't enjoy it for pleasure. Increases vocabulary, helps with all other subjects, helps with standardized tests. They still get to choose the book, but I make them put in the 20 minutes a day. One is now reading solidly at grade level and the younger is slightly above. (I do choose the book I read at night - which is an activity they enjoy - but I'm good at choosing books they like).

We do not have a completely screen free home. That probably would have helped, but I don't want to be completely screen free myself. They have screen limits and when not on screens, one chooses basketball and the other likes playing with toys. They are only 9 & 11, so I guess there is still time for them to decide they like to read, but I'm not waiting for it.

Maybe try just telling them “we are all going to read each day.” Don’t tell them 20 minutes. That puts a cap in their mind: I only have to get through 20 minutes. Without requirements they just might read longer some days. Other day shorter but hopefully it evens out. Are you reading when they do? You ought to be. You’re missing enjoying a book and validating that reading IS worth taking time out of your day or not doing other things for awhile. If you’re puttering around cleaning while they read you are co crying the message reading is something you have to do but it’s not worth my time. When I have my kids read at school, I sit right there and read a book too and then talk about my book and ask questions about theirs.

What books do they have to read? Are you allowing them complete freedom and choice? Different mediums? Graphic novels, picture books, etc? Don’t underestimate the value of those and the value of total choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an English teacher. There’s ways to try and encourage kids to read but they aren’t foolproof. Some people just don’t like it and with kids now, you are competing with the instant gratification of screens. If something is boring, they scroll or move on. It’s hard to convince them to invest in a long story. That being said:

-simply reading in front of them and talking about what you’re reading helps
-offering tons and tons of books and LETTING THEM CHOOSE. Were you just picking Dr seuss and reading it before bed all those years? That could be part of the problem.
-mandatory reading time and associated writing assignments at home is killing any possible love they might have for it. You’ve made it work and unintentionally completely sabotaged your own plan to get them to want to read.

This is OP, and I want to clarify myself. I spent years NOT making them read, just hoping that doing these other things but not making it a chore would instill this love of reading. Both kids would test on the low end of on grade level or slightly below, depending on when they were tested. They are being raised in a book-heavy middle class home that values books and reading. This year I decided that I'm done with trying to instill the love of reading. When kids are below in math, no one says not to make them do math because it will destroy their love of math. Instead, they get tutors and more math practice! Reading has benefits even if you don't enjoy it for pleasure. Increases vocabulary, helps with all other subjects, helps with standardized tests. They still get to choose the book, but I make them put in the 20 minutes a day. One is now reading solidly at grade level and the younger is slightly above. (I do choose the book I read at night - which is an activity they enjoy - but I'm good at choosing books they like).

We do not have a completely screen free home. That probably would have helped, but I don't want to be completely screen free myself. They have screen limits and when not on screens, one chooses basketball and the other likes playing with toys. They are only 9 & 11, so I guess there is still time for them to decide they like to read, but I'm not waiting for it.

Maybe try just telling them “we are all going to read each day.” Don’t tell them 20 minutes. That puts a cap in their mind: I only have to get through 20 minutes. Without requirements they just might read longer some days. Other day shorter but hopefully it evens out. Are you reading when they do? You ought to be. You’re missing enjoying a book and validating that reading IS worth taking time out of your day or not doing other things for awhile. If you’re puttering around cleaning while they read you are co crying the message reading is something you have to do but it’s not worth my time. When I have my kids read at school, I sit right there and read a book too and then talk about my book and ask questions about theirs.

What books do they have to read? Are you allowing them complete freedom and choice? Different mediums? Graphic novels, picture books, etc? Don’t underestimate the value of those and the value of total choice.

That should say you’re MODELING enjoying a book and validating that reading is important

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a house full of books with a mom who loved to read. Now I love to read and read a lot. However, it’s almost always ebooks on my phone since I always have it with me. I’m worried I’m not setting the same kind of example my mom did. My kids are only 3. Anyone with older kids who mostly reads on their phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is a the chair of a physics department you’ve heard of. He never liked to read for pleasure and still doesn’t. Not everyone enjoys it and that’s ok.

Similar, but my brother is also a well known academic (in a hard science). My mother spent his 20s always commenting that he hadn't read a novel since he was forced to in high school english. Once he hit his 30, he became a voracious reader and is now the best read member of our family.

[Anonymous]

"What are they choosing to do instead of reading? I think to some extent wanting to read comes out of being bored -- love of books & availability of books is important, but also downtime without the allure of screens. If you have a screen-free house and they still are choosing not to read, then maybe it's just not their thing."

This.

You don't have to make your kids read, you just have to set them up to be bored.

Of course, I know kids who can't be bored because they will shoot baskets or juggle a soccer ball during all waking moments but those are much more rare than those who choose to read.

[Anonymous]

"Similar, but my brother is also a well known academic (in a hard science). My mother spent his 20s always commenting that he hadn't read a novel since he was forced to in high school english. Once he hit his 30, he became a voracious reader and is now the best read member of our family."

This could be me but there are two facts that should be added.

#1 From 2nd through 8th grade, I read more than anyone in my school.

#2 I went back to reading in my 30s because I decided not to let my kids see me watching TV or surfing the web.

[Anonymous]

OP - are they boys? I was a big reader and my sister is a reader now, but my brother never really got into it. For some kids it's just harder than others. For some kids, they have trouble finding material they like. Some kids are more visual and get bored when there are no pictures.

I love reading and my ex loves reading, and our daughter is now a big reader at age 10. But it took awhile. She read on the early side, and she has always been a good reader but it was not always something she was eager to do. But we do a lot of restaurants and car trips and other situations conducive to reading, and I don't allow her to use electronic devices in those situations, so a book it is. And it just took hold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an English teacher. There’s ways to try and encourage kids to read but they aren’t foolproof. Some people just don’t like it and with kids now, you are competing with the instant gratification of screens. If something is boring, they scroll or move on. It’s hard to convince them to invest in a long story. That being said:

-simply reading in front of them and talking about what you’re reading helps
-offering tons and tons of books and LETTING THEM CHOOSE. Were you just picking Dr seuss and reading it before bed all those years? That could be part of the problem.
-mandatory reading time and associated writing assignments at home is killing any possible love they might have for it. You’ve made it work and unintentionally completely sabotaged your own plan to get them to want to read.

This is OP, and I want to clarify myself. I spent years NOT making them read, just hoping that doing these other things but not making it a chore would instill this love of reading. Both kids would test on the low end of on grade level or slightly below, depending on when they were tested. They are being raised in a book-heavy middle class home that values books and reading. This year I decided that I'm done with trying to instill the love of reading. When kids are below in math, no one says not to make them do math because it will destroy their love of math. Instead, they get tutors and more math practice! Reading has benefits even if you don't enjoy it for pleasure. Increases vocabulary, helps with all other subjects, helps with standardized tests. They still get to choose the book, but I make them put in the 20 minutes a day. One is now reading solidly at grade level and the younger is slightly above. (I do choose the book I read at night - which is an activity they enjoy - but I'm good at choosing books they like).

We do not have a completely screen free home. That probably would have helped, but I don't want to be completely screen free myself. They have screen limits and when not on screens, one chooses basketball and the other likes playing with toys. They are only 9 & 11, so I guess there is still time for them to decide they like to read, but I'm not waiting for it.

Maybe try just telling them “we are all going to read each day.” Don’t tell them 20 minutes. That puts a cap in their mind: I only have to get through 20 minutes. Without requirements they just might read longer some days. Other day shorter but hopefully it evens out. Are you reading when they do? You ought to be. You’re missing enjoying a book and validating that reading IS worth taking time out of your day or not doing other things for awhile. If you’re puttering around cleaning while they read you are co crying the message reading is something you have to do but it’s not worth my time. When I have my kids read at school, I sit right there and read a book too and then talk about my book and ask questions about theirs.

What books do they have to read? Are you allowing them complete freedom and choice? Different mediums? Graphic novels, picture books, etc? Don’t underestimate the value of those and the value of total choice.

This is OP, and you know what, I have not tried not putting a cap on their time. You make a really good point regarding that. It might be too late -- right now they ask how much longer is left. I'll see what I can do about removing the 'cap' idea from our mindset. I do worry that it will lead to just a few minutes every day but I'll see. I do usually read with them (and that's not my only time to read in front of them) and I do allow them complete freedom of choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - are they boys? I was a big reader and my sister is a reader now, but my brother never really got into it. For some kids it's just harder than others. For some kids, they have trouble finding material they like. Some kids are more visual and get bored when there are no pictures.

I love reading and my ex loves reading, and our daughter is now a big reader at age 10. But it took awhile. She read on the early side, and she has always been a good reader but it was not always something she was eager to do. But we do a lot of restaurants and car trips and other situations conducive to reading, and I don't allow her to use electronic devices in those situations, so a book it is. And it just took hold.

Yes, they are boys. I have 3 brothers and although I was a bookworm, they don't like to read. My husband HATES reading. He read when he had to for school but says he reads slowly and his mind wanders and he would never do it for pleasure. I also don't allow electronics in the car or in restaurants. We often do audiobooks in the car, which they do enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an English teacher. There’s ways to try and encourage kids to read but they aren’t foolproof. Some people just don’t like it and with kids now, you are competing with the instant gratification of screens. If something is boring, they scroll or move on. It’s hard to convince them to invest in a long story. That being said:

-simply reading in front of them and talking about what you’re reading helps
-offering tons and tons of books and LETTING THEM CHOOSE. Were you just picking Dr seuss and reading it before bed all those years? That could be part of the problem.
-mandatory reading time and associated writing assignments at home is killing any possible love they might have for it. You’ve made it work and unintentionally completely sabotaged your own plan to get them to want to read.

This is OP, and I want to clarify myself. I spent years NOT making them read, just hoping that doing these other things but not making it a chore would instill this love of reading. Both kids would test on the low end of on grade level or slightly below, depending on when they were tested. They are being raised in a book-heavy middle class home that values books and reading. This year I decided that I'm done with trying to instill the love of reading. When kids are below in math, no one says not to make them do math because it will destroy their love of math. Instead, they get tutors and more math practice! Reading has benefits even if you don't enjoy it for pleasure. Increases vocabulary, helps with all other subjects, helps with standardized tests. They still get to choose the book, but I make them put in the 20 minutes a day. One is now reading solidly at grade level and the younger is slightly above. (I do choose the book I read at night - which is an activity they enjoy - but I'm good at choosing books they like).

We do not have a completely screen free home. That probably would have helped, but I don't want to be completely screen free myself. They have screen limits and when not on screens, one chooses basketball and the other likes playing with toys. They are only 9 & 11, so I guess there is still time for them to decide they like to read, but I'm not waiting for it.

Maybe try just telling them “we are all going to read each day.” Don’t tell them 20 minutes. That puts a cap in their mind: I only have to get through 20 minutes. Without requirements they just might read longer some days. Other day shorter but hopefully it evens out. Are you reading when they do? You ought to be. You’re missing enjoying a book and validating that reading IS worth taking time out of your day or not doing other things for awhile. If you’re puttering around cleaning while they read you are co crying the message reading is something you have to do but it’s not worth my time. When I have my kids read at school, I sit right there and read a book too and then talk about my book and ask questions about theirs.

What books do they have to read? Are you allowing them complete freedom and choice? Different mediums? Graphic novels, picture books, etc? Don’t underestimate the value of those and the value of total choice.

This is OP, and you know what, I have not tried not putting a cap on their time. You make a really good point regarding that. It might be too late -- right now they ask how much longer is left. I'll see what I can do about removing the 'cap' idea from our mindset. I do worry that it will lead to just a few minutes every day but I'll see. I do usually read with them (and that's not my only time to read in front of them) and I do allow them complete freedom of choice.

Okay, you’re on the right track. Again, some kids will never love it, but you’re doing good things to try and foster it. My next suggestion is to try to push their stamina by asking what happened and then stuff like “well what do you think will happen next?” Or help them see how it connects to other parts of their world- “oh that’s just like the time you ____” or “isn’t that a lot like [movie/game they like]?” Talking about books can help a lot and take away that perception of “I do this alone as some sort of punishment or requirement.” I try to teach my kids that reading isn’t about answering multiple choice questions or learning vocabulary. It’s about understanding themselves and their worlds better, or getting a joke or reference someone makes because they have that background info. Or winning an argument, because you came with facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the adults you know don’t read for pleasure? Really? All of my friends read for pleasure. I literally can’t think of any who don’t.

I definitely judge people who don’t read, but your kids still have plenty of time.

I wonder if OP means novels? I could see there being a cohort of people who don't or rarely read novels, but it seems unusual to me to not know anyone who reads ANYTHING (online newspaper/magazine, at the very least) for pleasure.

I hope she means novels. I admittedly rarely read novels, like basically 4-5 a year when I'm on vacation. I have to read A LOT of journal articles, policy reports for work and when I get home, I rather just veg out.