Kids reaction to new bf

[Anonymous]

*luck

[Anonymous]

Do your boys get along well with other adults in their lives, op? Think of how they are with teachers, Scout leaders, church coaches, neighbors... and what all these people say about them. I got the sense you were trying a bit too hard to get your boys to like the boyfriend, no adult man wants to go to the park and have ice cream with someone else's kids. Most probably don't want to do it with their own kids, and I say this as someone who has a good father and is married to a good husband who is also a good father. Maybe your boys were picking up on that, very much like how a toddler will look at Santa and scream, "No way can that man in the red suit be up to any good, nobody I know acts like him".
I'd get them together in an environment where they can get to know each other based on mutual interests or on interests your boys want to share with adults or that your boyfriend may want to share with any kid, not just yours. If your boys like reptiles, maybe you all can go to the zoo. If your boyfriend likes fishing, maybe you all can do that? If the two of you break up, I'd also not wait 6 plus months to introduce a boyfriend to the kids. By 6 months, you're already invested in the guy, you've got the good "I'm in love hormones" plugging away, and if he is yucky, you are more likely to blame the kids for being snots. I realize this is counter to the current advise given, I just can't see how parents skulking around to participate in an activity that they are allowed to do is a good idea. You are an adult, you are free to date, and there is no reason your boys can't be aware of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been six years, is OP supposed to be a nun while also being a perfect mom? The harpies of the dcum strike again. Explain to your son about you liking the guy, take it slowly, talk to your boys about how people have relationships. Be honest and it will work out.

Or it won’t, but it’s just her kid’s life. She can always have another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

No one is saying she can’t date, but there is NO GOOD REASON, other than self serving ones, for a mother to introduce her children to a guy she has only dated for 4 months. “Seeing a future”, and “planning a future” are different things.

[Anonymous]

You upended their world when you left their father. They need stability and they need you. They don't need some new guy coming into their family - they've already had enough disruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

No one is saying she can’t date, but there is NO GOOD REASON, other than self serving ones, for a mother to introduce her children to a guy she has only dated for 4 months. “Seeing a future”, and “planning a future” are different things.

The op in her original post said her son told her he does not want her to see the man anymore.

No kid should have veto power over who his mo dates especially on days she doesn’t have custody. (Absent abuse, child molestation etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

No one is saying she can’t date, but there is NO GOOD REASON, other than self serving ones, for a mother to introduce her children to a guy she has only dated for 4 months. “Seeing a future”, and “planning a future” are different things.

The op in her original post said her son told her he does not want her to see the man anymore.

No kid should have veto power over who his mo dates especially on days she doesn’t have custody. (Absent abuse, child molestation etc)

I’m sorry, did you miss the part in my post where I think it’s crystal clear that this child should not have even met this man yet? She’s not dating on the days she doesn’t have custody.. she’s dragging these kids out for ice cream, etc.

The child does have dominion over his life, in some respects. He doesn’t get veto power, but he does get to communicate his wants and needs. OP is the adult, who is a parent. She can choose what she wants, but it does not necessitate her children being all smiles and rainbows when what she is doing is way too fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has been six years, is OP supposed to be a nun while also being a perfect mom? The harpies of the dcum strike again. Explain to your son about you liking the guy, take it slowly, talk to your boys about how people have relationships. Be honest and it will work out.

Or it won’t, but it’s just her kid’s life. She can always have another one.

Are you getting some weird depressed joy from tearing moms down? I think I can recognize your self righteous posts, you sounds deeply unhappy and negative. You talk about kids and doing the right thing, but nobody who is as judgy and nasty as you can actually be a good mother. You should find a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You upended their world when you left their father. They need stability and they need you. They don't need some new guy coming into their family - they've already had enough disruption.

Her kids would have been better off with an abusive father and a husband to their mom? This is truly a Trump land now.

[Anonymous]

Continue to date. Do not force interaction with your kids. Date when the kids are with your ex. If the kids are unable to spend time with your ex (I hope that's not the case) then get a standing weekly babysitter because you deserve time to yourself. You do not need to tell your kids when you are on a date vs when you are just doing something else. There. All problems solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

No one is saying she can’t date, but there is NO GOOD REASON, other than self serving ones, for a mother to introduce her children to a guy she has only dated for 4 months. “Seeing a future”, and “planning a future” are different things.

The op in her original post said her son told her he does not want her to see the man anymore.

No kid should have veto power over who his mo dates especially on days she doesn’t have custody. (Absent abuse, child molestation etc)

I’m sorry, did you miss the part in my post where I think it’s crystal clear that this child should not have even met this man yet? She’s not dating on the days she doesn’t have custody.. she’s dragging these kids out for ice cream, etc.

The child does have dominion over his life, in some respects. He doesn’t get veto power, but he does get to communicate his wants and needs. OP is the adult, who is a parent. She can choose what she wants, but it does not necessitate her children being all smiles and rainbows when what she is doing is way too fast.

You said “no one is saying she can’t date.” That’s false. Her kid is telling her not to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

No one is saying she can’t date, but there is NO GOOD REASON, other than self serving ones, for a mother to introduce her children to a guy she has only dated for 4 months. “Seeing a future”, and “planning a future” are different things.

The op in her original post said her son told her he does not want her to see the man anymore.

No kid should have veto power over who his mo dates especially on days she doesn’t have custody. (Absent abuse, child molestation etc)

I’m sorry, did you miss the part in my post where I think it’s crystal clear that this child should not have even met this man yet? She’s not dating on the days she doesn’t have custody.. she’s dragging these kids out for ice cream, etc.

The child does have dominion over his life, in some respects. He doesn’t get veto power, but he does get to communicate his wants and needs. OP is the adult, who is a parent. She can choose what she wants, but it does not necessitate her children being all smiles and rainbows when what she is doing is way too fast.

You said “no one is saying she can’t date.” That’s false. Her kid is telling her not to date.

Are you always this much into semantics?

But yes... her kid is telling her it’s too soon, or too something. She should listen. She can date during the time her kids are with dad. When herfuture is secure with her new BF, then she introduces them again.

I’m sorry, but OP Barely knew this guy after 4 months. Her children are wise to be suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Continue to date. Do not force interaction with your kids. Date when the kids are with your ex. If the kids are unable to spend time with your ex (I hope that's not the case) then get a standing weekly babysitter because you deserve time to yourself. You do not need to tell your kids when you are on a date vs when you are just doing something else. There. All problems solved.

ITA. Divorced mom here and I personally think 4-6 months of dating is to early to introduce a significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue to date. Do not force interaction with your kids. Date when the kids are with your ex. If the kids are unable to spend time with your ex (I hope that's not the case) then get a standing weekly babysitter because you deserve time to yourself. You do not need to tell your kids when you are on a date vs when you are just doing something else. There. All problems solved.

ITA. Divorced mom here and I personally think 4-6 months of dating is to early to introduce a significant other.

Agree with this as someone whose parents divorced when I was a teen and who is now friendly with my step-parents and step-siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with you is that you had two kids without good partners. Work on yourself first. No sane guy would want a woman's baggage.

On behalf of OP. STFU troll