Kids reaction to new bf

[Anonymous]

Hi all,
This is very new to me .. but here it goes . I have 2 boys from previous relationship ( this was a toxic one and also abusive from his part) been divorced for the last 6 years and haven’t been in a serious relationship ever since then, and kids never knew none of the guys I dated briefly . I started a relationship with this guys 6 months ago and things are going great and I actually see a future with him . I introduce the kids to him 2 months ago and they seemed fine with it, given the fact that they only saw him 3 times and during those times we were at the park and eating ice cream . After the last time on of the boys saw him ( the oldest 10 years old ) he became jealous and doesn’t want to see him again and doesn’t want me to date him . It’s like a complete 180 with him . What to do in these case? How can I approach to him ?

[Anonymous]

Slow down. Your kids need you. Don't force the kids to interact with the new guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Your kids need you. Don't force the kids to interact with the new guy.

This. Please put your kids first.

[Anonymous]

Respect his wishes on not having to see him. But when your son is with friends or his father you can still date the guy. Just don't make your son spend time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Your kids need you. Don't force the kids to interact with the new guy.

This. Please put your kids first.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

[Anonymous]

Kids don’t have to see him. Make sure the kids feel secure and respected or you’ll have huge problems down the road with teen sons who think you put a bf before their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t date. Ask your son why he doesn’t want to se him. He doesn’t have to like him, but he needs to respect him just like your bf needs to respect him. I dated with my son and no lie, it was rough with jealousy but we ended up married with another child, and my son loves him more than anything. My husband treats him no differently than his own.

Yeah! Why not expect your son to behave like the adult he is! Oh. Wait...

[Anonymous]

Take some time to talk to him, hear him out, let him express what the doens't like and how he feels. Don't bring him around for a bit but mention you are seeing him so he doesn't disappear. Stay focused on your kids and let them earn trust that you arne't going to prioritize a man and then he won't be such a threat.

it is an adjustment. You have to expect they will have questions and concerns and feelings and thoughts about it. Don't dismiss or invalidate those. If they say - he is scary - don't say he isn't - ask them instead what makes him scary.

[Anonymous]

My mom married right away after the divorce and none of us ever took to the second husband (I am the youngest and was 4). Please listen to your kids. He has his reasons and he may not be able to articulate them right now.

[Anonymous]

How do you know it’s jealousy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the last time on of the boys saw him ( the oldest 10 years old ) he became jealous and doesn’t want to see him again and doesn’t want me to date him . It’s like a complete 180 with him . What to do in these case? How can I approach to him ?

"Larlo, all moms and dads need to have the chance to spend time with their adult friends. So Lars and I will keep going out on dates, because we enjoy each other's company. But Lars won't get in the way of my relationship with you and your brother. We will keep having our family time for just the three of us."

[Anonymous]

The problem with you is that you had two kids without good partners. Work on yourself first. No sane guy would want a woman's baggage.

[Anonymous]

It has been six years, is OP supposed to be a nun while also being a perfect mom? The harpies of the dcum strike again. Explain to your son about you liking the guy, take it slowly, talk to your boys about how people have relationships. Be honest and it will work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Your kids need you. Don't force the kids to interact with the new guy.

This. Please put your kids first.

Exactly.

This!

~Signed someone who begged my mom not to marry the guy I didn’t like who ended up molesting me.

If something happened to my husband, I would NEVER remarry until my kids were out of the house. Please be a MOM! Btw, my mom and I have zero relationship even though she is divorced now. She wonders why I don’t call or go see her.

Good lick!