Red flag or normal behavior?

[Anonymous]

He made a comment about someone’s big tits? Unbunch your panties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He made a comment about someone’s big tits? Unbunch your panties.

So you think OP’s post and concern is all about one isolated comment and that the only behavior in question was this one comment made. Is that correct?

[Anonymous]

Looking at other women = normal
Obviously leering at them = red flag
Making comments to you about other women's bodies = red flag

But the biggest red flag of all: dismissing your feelings and refusing to change his behavior if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has NEVER made a comment about another woman's body in front of me. Not when we were neighbors, not when we were dating, and not since we've been married.

He does not look at other women in front of me. Your boyfriend sounds like a pig, sorry.

Same and in all my dating history I don’t remember it happening even once.

I've had it happen twice. In both cases, it was a sign that the guy was extremely insensitive and unperceptive about how his behavior affected others. Most guys instinctively realize that you do not comment on another woman's tits to your date or girlfriend. The ones who do it are missing that knowledge about behavior, and it does not stop there. But there is hope - if you are able to discuss it with them and they change, without minimizing your feelings, then they are caring men who just need a little more clear communication than others about how you need to be treated. But if as a couple you are unable to navigate the conversation, then yeah, not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking at other women = normal
Obviously leering at them = red flag
Making comments to you about other women's bodies = red flag

But the biggest red flag of all: dismissing your feelings and refusing to change his behavior if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable.

This post says it all. No need to continue with the thread OP. Massive consensus here.

[Anonymous]

Noticing isn’t a red flag. Leering and commenting is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He made a comment about someone’s big tits? Unbunch your panties.

Say the guy whose female coworkers hate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s not something you tolerate and it’s not something he’s willing to change, then that’s all you really need to know.

This

+1 guy here - no place for this nonsense and his "rationale" is pure BS.

If you're willing, try to turn the tables on him. Next time a good looking guy walks by the two of you, comment on the guy's bulge (something along the lines..."hmm, I'm pretty sure his GF/DW is VERY satisfied with what that guy is packing"). That will absolutely eat your BF alive inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Noticing isn’t a red flag. Leering and commenting is.

Yep. My rule is that if I notice you noticing, you are looking WAY too hard. If there is a woman that is particularly attractive, I give my now DH a pass, and *I* comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We’ve known each other since we were kids but we were more like friendly acquaintances throughout school. When I came back home from college, we ran into each other and he asked me out. It’s honestly the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Even though I know we are in a committed and respectful relationship it’s been bothering me that he looks at other women when we’re out. I get it, most guys look at other attractive women and studies say that they can’t “help it” but it’s starting to actually bug me. I’ve always been a confident person but when he does this it makes me feel insecure. I’m not sure if he thinks he’s sly and that I don’t notice (or maybe doesn’t care if I know) but I do. Last weekend we went on our first real vacation together and while walking through an aquarium he made a comment about a women’s boobs that walked past us but I hadn’t even noticed her. When I called him out on the comment he said that although he’s committed to me, “if it’s right in front of me I’m going to look.” Now, I see him doing this at most places we go. Another example is he kept looking behind him at this woman at Starbucks, then after he knows I’ve noticed he’ll try to get close to me and put his arm around me, which makes me feel weird. I don’t want to bring it up to him because I don’t want to come across as the extremely insecure girlfriend. I feel like I’m crazy for letting this bother me but it is. Is this a red flag or is it normal and I should let it go?

So you feel crazy about this? But the problem is you? Seems like he's got you trained really well to take all the responsibility for something he actually does. Sorry, OP, this in and of itself would not be a dealbreaker....except that it makes you feel crazy! And feeling crazy is the dealbreaker. Maybe it wouldn't bother another woman. But you're not another woman. You're you. Even if he is a perfect partner who will never stray - how much time do you have to waste feeling crazy because you can never be sure?

So sorry, but this is a big red flag. I know this is the best relationship you have ever had but, not trying to be patronizing here, you're still quite young and people change a lot in their 20s. My guess is that you can break up with him and there will be other good relationships out there. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

It's creepy. I would break up with him right away, but would wonder what was wrong with him.

[Anonymous]

You need to turn the tables on him. Pinch him, elbow him, do something to let him know where his attention belongs and then laugh. It makes your point but shows confidence whe you laugh at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking at other women = normal
Obviously leering at them = red flag
Making comments to you about other women's bodies = red flag

But the biggest red flag of all: dismissing your feelings and refusing to change his behavior if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable.

This, exactly this.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married a long time and when I’m out with my husband I’m sure he takes notice of good looking women (yes, I take notice of good looking men) but he doesn’t leer at them or ever make comments about them. Don’t tell your BF that he can’t look because that won’t work but do tell him not to disrespect the person he is with. It’s rude and immature. If he says “got it, sorry” forget about it. If he argues with you about it dump him.

[Anonymous]

Gross.