Do you demand to know why someone is not interested in doing things with you?

[Anonymous]

You lie and say you’re busy. Don’t tell them the truth! People never want to hear negative things about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Tell the truth and report back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. One example is that we were planning a short mini-vacation to an area that they know so DH asked them if they had any recommendations. They responded excitedly that they were going on a short vacation someplace else with another family member and we should join them. DH said no we're going to the mountains not the beach and just with our immediate family. They went on and on about how we should go with them. Later, she was furious with DH that he didn't agree to go on vacation with her and her husband. It went back and forth between pouty pout face and being angry. It was weird.

She sounds incredibly pushy almost to the point of being aggressive. You don't owe this woman a damned thing. You shouldn't have to explain to this dimwit that you and your husband want a romantic getaway - just the two of you.

[Anonymous]

No, I don’t demand to know why someone isn’t interested in doing things with me. I respect their position and we go about our separate ways like normal adults.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you are not under an obligation to respond to your former friend's request. Just keep forgetting to respond to texts and/or be too busy to get together. You can't tell someone you find them too annoying to hang out with.

[Anonymous]

I don't demand anything. I usually simply ask.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you are not under an obligation to respond to your former friend's request. Just keep forgetting to respond to texts and/or be too busy to get together. You can't tell someone you find them too annoying to hang out with.

OP here. I agree with the above. I just don't feel that I'm obligated to give her an explanation on why we don't want to do anything with them.

She clearly has picked up on the fact that since we're busy we choose to do other things instead of things with her and is pissed off or thinks she can change our mind or whatever. I just don't care and don't want to open the door for a dramatic deep conversation on why I don't like her. I also hate people who want to have coffee to have some deep discussion which is all about their needs. Those never go well.

We'll keep ghosting but we will probably run into them at a memorial service this weekend. We'll try not to get corned and be cordial. If she pushes I'll just keep repeating we aren't interested and if she asks why I think I'll say it doesn't matter, I said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't demand anything. I usually simply ask.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Ghosting will not solve anything.

Has she asked why? If so, I would simply answer that you have several groups of friends and between them and the events with your children your time is limited. While we hoped to see you at a future event, you simply came on too strong and wouldn't accept no for an answer and that has put us in an awkward position. I'm sorry I just don't think we are at the same stages of our lives right now and we really need a little space. Thanks for understanding.

Then I would leave it. She has her answer and the fact that you somewhat politely call them out for coming on too strong should give her pause about bugging you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her your marriage is strained and your therapist wants you to focus on each other

This is an awesome response.

HELL NO. She sounds like she would immediately become your therapist, and that would increase the frequency of her interactions with you (as she would be insisting on so many details) - as she apparently doesn't understand the meaning of boundaries.

instead, your story needs to be something embarrassing like you and DH moonlight as clowns for amateur variety shows - or that you have a secret life as stars in the adult entertainment business.

[Anonymous]

Had a similar situation with an aggressive couple, but was able to encourage DH to tell he suffered from corrosive IBS and, as a result, frequently lost control of his bowels (including bloody discharge from the back passage) at inopportune times. They were really obsessed with their cars and furniture and soon stopped asking. Unfortunately, they then began telling everyone about DH's IBS challenges (and that they suspected it was connected to a variety of social diseases) which negatively impacted DH's business as a massage artist and certified auditor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation with an aggressive couple, but was able to encourage DH to tell he suffered from corrosive IBS and, as a result, frequently lost control of his bowels (including bloody discharge from the back passage) at inopportune times. They were really obsessed with their cars and furniture and soon stopped asking. Unfortunately, they then began telling everyone about DH's IBS challenges (and that they suspected it was connected to a variety of social diseases) which negatively impacted DH's business as a massage artist and certified auditor.

You gave an aggressive, pushy person such an embarrassing piece of gossip? Of course they blabbed about it to anyone who would listen. That's what aggressive, boundary pushing people do - they have no normal sense of privacy or common decency. Did you not know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation with an aggressive couple, but was able to encourage DH to tell he suffered from corrosive IBS and, as a result, frequently lost control of his bowels (including bloody discharge from the back passage) at inopportune times. They were really obsessed with their cars and furniture and soon stopped asking. Unfortunately, they then began telling everyone about DH's IBS challenges (and that they suspected it was connected to a variety of social diseases) which negatively impacted DH's business as a massage artist and certified auditor.

You gave an aggressive, pushy person such an embarrassing piece of gossip? Of course they blabbed about it to anyone who would listen. That's what aggressive, boundary pushing people do - they have no normal sense of privacy or common decency. Did you not know that?

We were very disappointed and upset by the way they turned the tables on us, going so far as to mail DH adult diapers at his place of work. They also would circle around us at subsequent social gatherings, making comments about odors and bad smells and laughing about it. Very unpleasant people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation with an aggressive couple, but was able to encourage DH to tell he suffered from corrosive IBS and, as a result, frequently lost control of his bowels (including bloody discharge from the back passage) at inopportune times. They were really obsessed with their cars and furniture and soon stopped asking. Unfortunately, they then began telling everyone about DH's IBS challenges (and that they suspected it was connected to a variety of social diseases) which negatively impacted DH's business as a massage artist and certified auditor.

You gave an aggressive, pushy person such an embarrassing piece of gossip? Of course they blabbed about it to anyone who would listen. That's what aggressive, boundary pushing people do - they have no normal sense of privacy or common decency. Did you not know that?

We were very disappointed and upset by the way they turned the tables on us, going so far as to mail DH adult diapers at his place of work. They also would circle around us at subsequent social gatherings, making comments about odors and bad smells and laughing about it. Very unpleasant people.

WTF? They sound crazy!

[Anonymous]

Very much agreed. They called us The Sh** People and The Stink Couple. One time they poked me in the sides and said "where is your colostomy bag"? Lesson learned.