12 year old seen with inappropriate behaviour

[Anonymous]

Just be thankful it’s not gay porn. Leave him alone, kids his age have been doing this for ever. Before the internet there was once a magazine called a Playboy. I guarantee you your husband did the same thing at this age.

[Anonymous]

The same way you handle all kid masturbation.

"Larlo, that's a private activity. If you want to engage in that activity, do it in your room. It's not to take place in the living room."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach him the appropriate way to look at porn. Meaning, in private and when no one else will see him. Also ensure you mention something in relation to the fact that porn is not indicative of real life. You may also mention that you don’t approve of it, should you feel so compelled. I’m sorry but you are unlikely to find a healthy way to divert him from seeing porn because he lives in America and you probably don’t plan to lock him in the house. You can keep him from being inappropriate at school and home.

What the ever loving eff is this? No 13 year old should be looking at porn, you whack job. 99% of it is misogynistic and super messed up for an adolescent who still hasn't developed his sexuality. Just imagine how messed up you'd be if you grew up regularly looking at the stuff. I dated a guy with a porn problem and he was terrible in bed, couldn't come, everything seemed fake, there was zero connection when we were intimate. Not only could the kid develop those problems, but he also will probably grow to see women as less than human because that is 100% how mainstream porn portrays them.

OP, don't give your kid access. Figure it out. Talk to him about it. Make sure he doesn't have a smart phone or a computer in his room.

Having a porn problem is not appropriate. I’m referring to looking at it in private and understanding that it’s not reflective of reality.

Men look at porn. I have never known a man who does not look at it. If you want to pretend it’s abnormal for a pubescent boy, that’s just your own delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:53 is right on target. Explain that what is staged/filmed is not love (hopefully he has good family role models for a loving, respectful relationship with you and DH, aunts and uncles, etc), and not real. That you are concerned because some people see porn, and think it is real, and/or get those images stuck in their head, and you don't want that for him. Definitely let him know is curiosity is normal!

+1. I banned it at our house but a lot of boys even when I was in high school just watched it on their friends' phones. I always include a discussion about consent, respect, and sex trafficking whenever porn comes up. Erections and curiosity are normal and fine. I'm always happy and open to discuss with them.

[Anonymous]

(1) Use content blockers on your computer and his phone. Sure, he might see it at a friend's house, but porn sites are often full of malware, so you really don't want it on your computer.
(2) Inform him that porn sites are full of malware.
(3) Remind him that watching porn and masturbating are private activities.
(4) Explain to him that porn is not a realistic depiction of sex, let alone love. People in porn often fail to practice safe sex, and often engage in apparently non-consensual activities. Women often pretend to enjoy things that they don't actually enjoy, or that might even be painful or uncomfortable or humiliating. It might depict forcing or hurting women as pleasurable for the man, when there are many men who would not enjoy that at all.
(5) The conditions under which porn is made can be exploitative. Some actors are decently well-paid professionals, but watching porn means you might be watching people who are underage, trafficked, or otherwise coerced.
(6) Porn tends to reduce people, especially women, to objects, and people are not objects. He should be treating the girls he knows, including but not limited to any future romantic partners, with respect and consideration.

[Anonymous]

Watch this and see if it’s appropriate to show him and discuss.

Porn on the Brain
https://youtu.be/1WxsY9zgrt4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this question yesterday for some advice on my 12 year old , almost 13 boy seen with some inappropriate websites and then subsequently with an erection.

Apparently don't find this post anywhere now???

What I am seeking here is a better way to deal with him gently so that he is focussing on building a strong character and academics and is not diverted into such inappropriate sites. We blocked the navigation ability in computers but want to know how he got to know of these type of web sites and how to prevent him from doing anything inappropriate at school or getting into inappropriate experiences outside home. Please advice.

13 year olds masturbate to porn, OP. You're not going to stop it. Better to steer the conversation to porn isn't real life. Of course you don't want him viewing it, but making it taboo will only strengthen the resolve. Your house of worship probably has a curriculum on this -- most do. And at least in the Methodist faith it's very matter of fact, not laden with Jesus shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(1) Use content blockers on your computer and his phone. Sure, he might see it at a friend's house, but porn sites are often full of malware, so you really don't want it on your computer.
(2) Inform him that porn sites are full of malware.
(3) Remind him that watching porn and masturbating are private activities.
(4) Explain to him that porn is not a realistic depiction of sex, let alone love. People in porn often fail to practice safe sex, and often engage in apparently non-consensual activities. Women often pretend to enjoy things that they don't actually enjoy, or that might even be painful or uncomfortable or humiliating. It might depict forcing or hurting women as pleasurable for the man, when there are many men who would not enjoy that at all.
(5) The conditions under which porn is made can be exploitative. Some actors are decently well-paid professionals, but watching porn means you might be watching people who are underage, trafficked, or otherwise coerced.
(6) Porn tends to reduce people, especially women, to objects, and people are not objects. He should be treating the girls he knows, including but not limited to any future romantic partners, with respect and consideration.

This is good advice. Make sure you don't shame him for having an erection or masturbating, OP. Just let him know these are private things and should be done when he's alone in his room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(1) Use content blockers on your computer and his phone. Sure, he might see it at a friend's house, but porn sites are often full of malware, so you really don't want it on your computer.
(2) Inform him that porn sites are full of malware.
(3) Remind him that watching porn and masturbating are private activities.
(4) Explain to him that porn is not a realistic depiction of sex, let alone love. People in porn often fail to practice safe sex, and often engage in apparently non-consensual activities. Women often pretend to enjoy things that they don't actually enjoy, or that might even be painful or uncomfortable or humiliating. It might depict forcing or hurting women as pleasurable for the man, when there are many men who would not enjoy that at all.
(5) The conditions under which porn is made can be exploitative. Some actors are decently well-paid professionals, but watching porn means you might be watching people who are underage, trafficked, or otherwise coerced.
(6) Porn tends to reduce people, especially women, to objects, and people are not objects. He should be treating the girls he knows, including but not limited to any future romantic partners, with respect and consideration.

This is good advice. Make sure you don't shame him for having an erection or masturbating, OP. Just let him know these are private things and should be done when he's alone in his room.

I have twelve year old and this is along the lines of what we do, starting with content blockers. I think it's important to talk about these things, even if it's uncomfortable. I wouldn't take a laid back approach to accessing internet porn- I think it hinder some natural development and give unrealistic views about sex and relationships, plus all of the stuff that pp said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be thankful it’s not gay porn. Leave him alone, kids his age have been doing this for ever. Before the internet there was once a magazine called a Playboy. I guarantee you your husband did the same thing at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to have been posted by a 12-year-old.

Hint: boners are part of life.

Aaaaaand we can wrap the thread folks! Happy weekend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be serious. 13 year old boys like porn. Limit his access. 13 year olds get erections. Leave him alone and let him do what teen boys do.

/mom of three grown boys

Shouldn’t you expect more for 13 year old boys? I have a 14 year old boy who does not have access to porn. He doesn’t have a phone and doesn’t get to use the computer without supervision. It really isn’t that difficult to prevent a boys callousness toward sex and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18:53 is right on target. Explain that what is staged/filmed is not love (hopefully he has good family role models for a loving, respectful relationship with you and DH, aunts and uncles, etc), and not real. That you are concerned because some people see porn, and think it is real, and/or get those images stuck in their head, and you don't want that for him. Definitely let him know is curiosity is normal!

+1. I banned it at our house [LOL no doubt it pleases you to think so.] but a lot of boys even when I was in high school just watched it on their friends' phones. I always include a discussion about consent, respect, and sex trafficking whenever porn comes up. [Another scoldy lecture from sanctimommy automatically tuned out.] Erections and curiosity are normal and fine. I'm always happy and open to discuss with them. [“Mom, I want to talk about erections,” said no teen boy ever.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be serious. 13 year old boys like porn. Limit his access. 13 year olds get erections. Leave him alone and let him do what teen boys do.

/mom of three grown boys

Shouldn’t you expect more for 13 year old boys? I have a 14 year old boy who does not have access to porn. He doesn’t have a phone and doesn’t get to use the computer without supervision. It really isn’t that difficult to prevent a boys callousness toward sex and women.

(Insert clip of Steven Tyler wailing, “Dream on, dream on, dream on...”)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be serious. 13 year old boys like porn. Limit his access. 13 year olds get erections. Leave him alone and let him do what teen boys do.

/mom of three grown boys

Shouldn’t you expect more for 13 year old boys? I have a 14 year old boy who does not have access to porn. He doesn’t have a phone and doesn’t get to use the computer without supervision. It really isn’t that difficult to prevent a boys callousness toward sex and women.

Haha! I guarantee you your precious son has seen porn.